beckebee Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 so i have tried and tried to give in relationships. it seems like i always attract the people who take and take then leave. im just an honest girl looking for a guy that wants the same thing as me. most of my relationships have ended because he cheats on me. you see, i am a virgin by choice. most guys my age (that i have known) arnt interested in having a relationship with no sex. but im not being completely honest. i have done some stuff just not intercourse. and ill meet these seemingly great guys and have an amazing first couple dates. i start thinking "wow this might actually work" and then it falls apart. im not clingy. i hate people like that. i just have trouble getting to that step where its a commitment. it seems like no one wants that anymore. although i know its not all me, what can i do? obiviously if it keeps happening im doing something wrong. what can i do to improve? -becky
City_girl Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Becky, you are doing the right thing IMHO. You are simply finding out who's a genuine guy and who's after sex. I am 42 and because I had sex with a man I was dating, because my feelings were strong for him, he treated me so coldly. It doesn't matter what the age, how you feel about them, they need to feel something for you for you to get what you need. Your going through what every young girl looking for love goes through but the one thing you aren't doing is feeling that awful regret when they don't call or don't reciprocate affection when you sleep with them. Hold out for a commitment the right guy will love you for it.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I agree that you're doing the right thing. Holding off sex is the best way to ward of guys who will only end up wasting your time anyway. A good one will come along one day, you just have to be patient.
Author beckebee Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 i totally agree with you guys but do u think i am missing good relationships with guys because being with a virgin can be threatening and scary for him. also, i believe that all real relationships might need a sex life. i agree that most of these guys only want one thing and that it wasnt ment to be. but not every guy is like that. i start to question myself
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 On the one hand, there are tons of guys who "don't date virgins" (actual words of a friend) or who are put off/made uncomfortable by the idea that their girl isn't experienced; on the other hand, there are those guys who are heartbroken that you didn't "wait" for them. Although they are more rare, it sounds to me like you'd fit better with one of the latter.
Author beckebee Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 so am i supposed to just go threw guy after guy and have them try to sleep with me. (after i have told them im a virgin) and then have them not call me or anything. or have them call me up like a month later. or have thier real gf call me and be like who is this? i live in so cal. its hard to compete. maybe i should just give up the dream of telling my husband or lover "u are my first and my last." -becky
AussieJack Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I agree that you're doing the right thing. Holding off sex is the best way to ward of guys who will only end up wasting your time anyway. A good one will come along one day, you just have to be patient. How old are you? Do you have deep religious convictions?
City_girl Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Men who don't date virgins are a more decent version of man. They know they will not settle down and don't want the guilt of taking a girls virginity. The right man will appreciate this in you, you just have to continue to seperate the wheat from the chaff . Things wont change when you have sex and you haven't even said that it's something you want to do. If you are religeous then you should look to church groups etc, to find the right one.He's out there
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 How old are you? Do you have deep religious convictions? This coming from the creepy guy who dated a 19-year-old when he was 30? Riiight. I'm guessing that the OP is young (high school, or maybe a little after? Correct me if I'm wrong, OP), so yeah, that advice DOES work for people in that age group.
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Yep, OP, very time-consuming is right. I was a virgin until 35 (horrors! ) and I actually am not a psychotic in an insane asylum, rather just a normal guy with a slightly different set of values than is currently popular. Continue sticking to your principles but also being a model of femininity. Personally, I found few women in my age group at the time who were interested in an intimate relationship without sex, and this was during the height of the AIDS scare. I would've thought I was a good catch LOL. Be flexible about things not related to sex and cast a wide net. I think the right guy will come along for you
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 maybe i should just give up the dream of telling my husband or lover "u are my first and my last." I'm sure the skeezy people of this forum (ie. the people on this forum who are skeezy) will tell you otherwise, but if that is your conviction, then sticking to it is admirable. Don't settle for the sort of relationship society makes you think is "normal" if that doesn't feel right for you.
AussieJack Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 This coming from the creepy guy who dated a 19-year-old when he was 30? Riiight. She adored me - why wouldn't she ?
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 She adored me - why wouldn't she ? Yeah, creepy like Demi Moore. I'd think compatibility counts more than age difference. But maybe I'm just a pervert creep too. To the OP, if you're young then I guess it makes sense. But for adults, sex is normal part of a relationship. Bad sex, or lack of it, could break a relationship, that's not unheard of. But really it should be what's important to you, and not what other people think. If it's important for you to stay a virgin, go for it. I'm sure you can find other virgin guys that want the same. Just make sure you're not staying a virgin because someone pressured you into it, or you're doing it for other people, or the wrong reasons. I've heard so many stories of girls staying a virgin but gives blow jobs or even taking it up the butt instead. It's healthy to want sex, that's how the human species got to where we are today. Sometimes this conflict is resolved in the ways I described above, which I find absurd. My point is, once you understand sex is no big deal and is okay (assuming you're over 18, want to keep myself safe here), and you STILL want to be a virgin, then more power to you. The fact is, even without this virgin issue you'll have difficulty finding someone that's compatible. So I wouldn't blame that on your determination to be a virgin, it's just a part of dating. As for your post title, you haven't reached the end yet, don't jump the gun.
Recommended Posts