tinke Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 just asking some input... was with the ex for 10yrs., he left suddenly, coldly and without conversation..no replies from contacts. then approx. 2 months later, he had informed me very briefly that he is to be wed to an aquaintance, and already engaged. i cannot even fathom this... has anyone else moved on that quickly? was it love? rebound? still making huge strides, but still get stuck on a few issues. appreciate feedback...
2sunny Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 sounds as if he may have been seeing someone else for quite some time before he left... did you notice this?
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Since the last 3 years were LDR, he likely had something going prior to the end of your relationship. Sorry to say
Confused9 Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 My x and I were together for 7 years. He went to another state to work to help pay for our wedding and within 2 weeks started dating someone else and got her pregnant. He has now moved out there and will be marrying her in a couple of weeks. I am devastated to say the least. Good luck to you. I wish you much strength.
Author tinke Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 he was very attentive and we visited often...and then, he simply departed!
smoochie Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 My x and I were together for 7 years. He went to another state to work to help pay for our wedding and within 2 weeks started dating someone else and got her pregnant. He has now moved out there and will be marrying her in a couple of weeks. I am devastated to say the least. Good luck to you. I wish you much strength. OMGosh Confused...that sucks BIG TIME. I am really sorry to hear that....wow. How long has it been since all of this happened? I don't even have the words to express how that must affect you. I would probably be shell-shocked!! You may want to find out if he was seeing her before you guys broke up. Two months and engaged...sounds a little fishy to me.
Confused9 Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 IT happened in October. There is NO way he was seeing her before. He met her in Sept when he went to the state she lives in to work. I was back here. He had never been there before and it's 1,000s of miles away. I believe they are engaged because she is pregnant. He was so mean to me after and owes me a ton of money for debt we created within our 7 year relationship. He paid it for a while...then when he found out she was preggo stopped after about a month. I am so broken hearted. He woudln't even talk to me about it. I feel so lost.
Author tinke Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 yes i agree, sounds a bit much to be engaed after 2 mo., that is why i posted...i cannot imagine! however, he was very matter-of-fact and did not try to hide any details and stated they had neen dating a couple months. naive, no. but, i do believe that, because at that point, he had no reason to hide anything..he was very rude, cruel, almost arrogant about it. i do believe, it may have been a longtime friend, definately someone he already knew. but i cannot imaginge falling in love that quickly...maybe it's just me. also, i am sure this "friend" was of convenience and just easier by geographics. no, he was just too smug and probably would have delighted in telling me that they were together longer, i do not believe they were. thanks for the replies.
Confused9 Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I think they are mean because they are guilty and because they think if they are mean enough we will leave them alone and they won't need to deal with what they've done. But, no matter if they are in our lives or not...they are still going to have to live with what they've done. I think my x thinks he is happy right now. He has a new life, a new love and he is having a child. But, thier relationship started on a lie and I don't know how that can work. I mean I know there are situations where they do work...but I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. He is gone. I knwo this. I need to move on. That's the hardest part though. Just tkae it from me. Try and not dwell on what he did or why. Regardless of the reasons...he did it and you need to move on. You deserve better. Don't waste time thinknig about it. I have wasted almost 5 months and have gotten no answers. That's a waste of life in my opinion. I need to move on and am still stuck becasue I am not letting go. Let go if you can and move on. Cut off all ties to him and begin your new life.
Author tinke Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 i believe one of the cruelest things to do is to leave without any explanation..nothing! no contact, etc. not only do we have to deal with the sudden departure, but also, the demeaning way in which it was done. i can tell you, if has an impact! perhaps that, too, was intentional.
sedgwick Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) I don't know what it is with men but they genuinely seem not to have any feelings when they end relationships. They just get tired of it and take off. Mine literally left me sobbing on the bed and took off to play music. He told me all about how he still loved me and couldn't imagine not being close to me and could "absolutely" see me in his future and blah blah blah and then stopped speaking to me. I was never anything but ridiculously good to him and totally in love with him, and he cut me out of his life completely. He told me I just wasn't a musician and apparently that was enough to make him run away and have nothing more to do with me -- after a year-long relationship. I really do wonder if men are actually capable of caring about women at all. At this point I'm not so sure. I'm about 99.9% sure they feel no remorse when they kick us to the curb and treat us like we never existed. I think for some reason it's just really easy for them to do. Edited March 15, 2008 by sedgwick
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Fear not, sedgewick, there are plenty of guys out there who are capable and do care about women and do attempt to end relationships honorably. It's never easy, for anyone. I can say from life experience that very few women have ever treated me with any sensitivity when they decided I was not "right" for them. Likely not their fault because they're used to dealing with regular guys who they complain "don't feel". So the circle continues.... IMO, there's really no good way to give someone bad news, and that's exactly what this is. It's like saying someone died. Indeed, something special did die, at least within one person. That sucks
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