Nordmanni Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Ive always considered myself marginally intelligent but as of late Ive been questioning it. Is love an action or a feeling? Some say its an action, why then does my mind and all rational reasoning tell me one thing and my heart another? Heres my story, pretty dumb I know- I dated this girl for not too long, 5 months, but knew her longer. I was always was interested in her, and as time progressed at our job we became more than friends. Then she moved 3000 miles away literally and we had an ldr for the majority of our time together. I was skeptical and I guess with good reason. But she told me she loved me, thought I was the greatest, wanted to spend her life with me ect. I suppose it was shallow of me to buy into that, but I did. We talked everyday and I loved her. Later I came to find out she was manic depressive bi polar. To sum things up, she totally changed before my eyes, started treating me like ****, said the most atrocious things anyone has ever said to me, but always repented and blamed her disorder. Eventually I had enough when everyday turned into a fight and we both broke it off. Since then, Ive tried to shut her out of my world, but somehow we would manage to say words to each other, most of them hostile. Through all this she wants to be friends, and honesty I was good to her, but I didnt receive the same treatment. And I couldnt/wouldnt want to be with her or in an ldr 3000 miles away. Its really stupid, its apparent to me what my course of action should be, but my feelings are otherwise. Heres the issue. I fear being her friend because of the pull of the old feeling. I still think about her like everyday. I still miss what was good. When I hear about her and other guys (we've been apart 2 months) it makes me ill. So overall Ive been totally walked on and ****ed but still feel this way? Why? Does this make me tart? What should I do?
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 To me a "tart" is a provocative or promiscuous woman, but my language is 60's English In your case, you're still emotionally attached. Your brain is missing all that bi-polar stimulation, kind of like a drug. Quite common. You'll date a "regular" woman and think she's boring because that stimulation isn't there. Go no contact (that's NC around here) and give yourself a few months of alone time to regroup and rebalance the brain chemistry. Considering the distance, this should be fairly easy to do. Remember, it's OK to think about her (try to do it less) but don't talk to her, write to her, answer her calls...nothing. You can't help her. She needs to help herself. It's not your job.
EllaDerSpin Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 It is okay to say that you are not ready to be friends. You need time to heal, that is the sensible thing to do.
sedgwick Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 What does "tart" mean in this context? I thought it meant, like, a floozy.
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