How can he do this to me?

[City_girl]

How does he do this to me? Posted last week about a guy I was seeing, treated me very coldly and appears to have no emotions. Finally saw it when we went back together then ignored my text after only three days, didn't hear from him from Friday 4pm till Sunday 11am. He went away for the weekend , had never done this before without texting me...Never !! I wouldn't have thought anyhting of it but it wasn't his normal pattern even at his coldest. So I realize I deserve better than that and text him saying back to reality was nice to catch up, maybe do it again. Got a matter of fact reply back, ok yeah was nice .....

 

So that's it I think until I get a cold sore on my lip, (sorry to divulge this but it's the reason I contacted him) and some other symptoms that frighten me. I know you can't ever protect yourself from herpes no matter how careful you are so I start to worry. I call a medical proffessional who tells me yes he thinks I should be seen asap.....I started a new job today with all of this whirling round my mind don't know how I got through. I had a massive panic attack in the pffice

 

I texted him to ask if he's around as I need to speak to him. I get a text saying I'm skiing , you can call.... then he calls me straight away. Tells me there's no need to worry and I should let him know how I am. he says he cares but sounds as though he couldn't give a toss. Then he says he's not heartless. I get drawn in , become waay emotional....I tell him he is heartless and he aurgues that I used him but he can live with that. He knows I have feelings for him, has always known. He also knows that he was in the wrong as he's told me I paraphraze his ex but continues to tell me he's treating me fairly and it' was fine to do what he did?

 

So I start to cry and tell him I was protecting myself, told him he had ignored me and made me feel like his F*&^ buddy so I opted out. I told him I was sweet and lovely to him always and I deserve much better than his treatment of me. His response is "anyway it doesn't matter" " I don't want you to get all upset over nothing, we can still be friends you know" He once said to me that the worst thing that you can say to a lover is can we be friends. Is he trying to hurt me intentionally? Is he getting some kind of mad ego boost from this?

 

Agggggghhhhr!!! I'm so angry, so upset and so hurt. Why do I care so much? I'm so angry that he does this to me.....I hate him which makes me afraid that I love him. The worst part is that he now knows exactly how hurt and upset I am. I still have to go through seeing the doctor about the weird symptoms I have. My health is very delicate so it might just be me being run down. I'm so emotional now I can't calm down. What do I do? How do I get my dignity back and forget this cold selfish hearless man?

[carhill]

Don't contact him and go grab up a couple nice guys and friend zone them to take care of your emotional needs. Hey, just being practical here. I've been that guy so many times, it's like riding a bicycle

 

Don't contact him. See the doctor. Your issues may be caused by stress. Don't contact him.

 

You get your "dignity back" by taking care of you and putting yourself first. I know it's hard. How well I know. One day at a time.....

[City_girl]

Aww Carhill,

 

Now I have to inform him of what the doctor says, do I send him a letter? I don't know!! I really want to slap him.....We were so happy. I just don't get it

[City_girl]

Hah, just qualify that, we were so happy the last three days we spent together until he just conveniently forgot I exsisted till he was on the way home again

[paladin1]

City girl; can at least attempt to allay some of your fears re: cold sore. The virus (generally...) causing cold sores is HSV-1; tends to be highly prevalent in the population. You say you have been in poor health lately and also experiencing understandable stress about this relationship; this may be responsible for the emergence of the virus. You may have been exposed a long time ago and never known it; up to 90% of the US population has antibodies (has been exposed) to HSV-1. Different from HSV-2; commonly responsible for genital herpes...though HSV-2 can be responsible for cold sores as well; much lower incidence.

 

Check out http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001324.htm might help

Just thought you could use another professional opinion to allay some of your fears

 

Good luck; and listen to carhill. Take back your dignity with this guy. Reread your post when you want to contact him...particularly these parts

 

"So I start to cry and tell him I was protecting myself, told him he had ignored me and made me feel like his F*&^ buddy so I opted out"

"I deserve much better than his treatment of me"

"forget this cold selfish hearless man?"

[paladin1]

Of course the above comes with the caveat that I can't diagnose or treat you from a forum post alone; and still see your doctor to discuss any symptoms...but I was a bit worried you seemed pretty upset, and the "panic attack" I'm sure didnt help so wanted to give ya some more info Luck to ya!

[City_girl]

Thanks Paladin1, just woke up after a few hours sleep. I was soo upset, feel better now. I'm immunosupressed in general and the GP can't pin down why I am so physically fragile 8 yrs after a car crash. I think maybe I just hate this guy, am so angry but I am so hurt. I don't want him, he toys with me in general and there's a coldness about him that unerves me to the extent that I want to leave him as I know deep down he's not a very nice person.

 

I had no intention of calling him but the worry of the symptoms drove me crazy tonight. I will text him if everything is ok and then forget it. I don't want the man he really is and fell for the man he pretends to be at times. I know deep in my heart that he doesn't deserve me.

 

Got a call from a male friend who called me one of the wizest, most intellegent and fully aware people he has ever met and that this man is very fortunate to have the attention of someone like me. I must say it did make me feel better, Youre absolutely right Carhill, I need to connect with my male freinds and listen to how they view me. The man who sleeps with me negates me, I know this isn't right.

[carhill]

That a' girl. I'm there for you

 

And kudos to your male friend. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it. You pick well!

 

Remember, no contact.....

[City_girl]

Just realised he didn't even offer to go to the clinic with me? I know my HIV status and was completely clean. I always practice safe sex, have not been with anyone other than him in over a year. If there is something wrong it came from him and he has not even offered to see me before I go. How can someone do this to someone else?. I did send him a mail last night or rather early hours today saying I fell asleep wishing I had never contacted you I will let you know via email, hopefully I won't need to.......

 

I won't ever contact him again if things are fine, if not I will email but never ever talk to him again.

[Prosecco]

A relevant song:

 

But seriously - the only way to get your dignity is to move on, recover, and meet someone decent who is worthy of your love. And ignore Knobfeatures.

 

Btw - I'm SURE your doctor will have covered this - but I know nothing about this car crash - but I've been reading stuff to help me with issues, and came across: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatoform_disorder

 

PTSD and similar things can REALLY affect you physically - if you haven't covered that as an issue with your GP, perhaps you should? Or get a private consultation with someone skilled in that area, just to rule it out if it hasn't been already.

[Prosecco]

Btw - you don't even have to contact him if you are 'not' fine (heaven forbid). I know that certain places do it for you. (Though don't know which.)

 

(e.g. My ex got a call basically saying - we're calling from X clinic, someone you have slept with in the past has chlamidia - you ought to get yourself checked. He was shocked, but it was probably better than him being called from someone way back in his past, just to tell him that.)

[City_girl]

Yeah, thought that last night, I will get them to contact him if anything's wrong, don't think I could do it. I don't think I can ever talk to him again after that awful call. He was up a mountain on a skii trip having fun and did not care how upset I was after. Cold , cold man.....

 

As far as somataform disorder , even checked there, saw a chartered clinical pysychologist over a period of 6 months, she even wrote to my doctor saying she was concerned about how ill I would suddenly become when physically taxed, she told him she found no connection between my mentality and physical lability . She urged him to continue testing me for some physical cause. He told me he had known this and had even tested me for bone disease the year before....

 

Mind you I damaged my spine and that does so many things to the body, so many they are unaware of.

 

Thank you guys for your replies, have been in a terribly anxious state these past few days and being able to come here has helped . I don't know how I started this new job with all of this going round in my head. I feel a bit better this morning and am having to go back in to the new job for my first proper day.....Hopefully I willl start to level out again

[City_girl]

Just clicked the song link , thanks for that, very impowering I will sing that in my head when I next think of him lol