Now What (Part II) or Saw the MC

[libertybelle]

Well husband and I went to the marriage counselor the other day. I wasn't going to post again but I had been following ScrivDog's thread with interest and some things just hit home. Anyway, I pretty much let my husband do the talking. The MC asked him if I had been trying to change for our marriage, etc. and if it made him happy. Husband agreed I had validated what he had said about neglecting him and had tried to change. But he felt I was hypocritical for changing. MC asked if Husband loved me and he said yes and wanted to be married. Then MC asked if I believed him. I said not really because he not only does not forgive my past mistakes, he doesn't take responsbility for his. And anytime I express concern or how I am hurt he says I am the originator of all this. Also, my husband has no interest in "us" like he used to. Intimacy dropped dramatically. THe MC seemed to think I was imagining all this until my husband chimed in that he "isn't interested like before" because I made him unhappy and ruined it. The MC said well you are responsbile for your own happiness and I don't see you acceping any responsbility for the state of your marriage. Then I just sat back quietly while my husband said I never complained (I had, he didn't listen) or I was "making things" up. Or anything that is happening now is my fault and no one else's. Also, I had mentioned how I had asked Husband to not go out with his friends after work training to a bar because of all our turmoil. (Was there or is there another woman, I don't know but I'm not sure of anything anymore) Not only did he ignore me, when I brought it up, he said well I never listened to him for 13 years why should he listen to me. Well they went a couple rounds and the time was up. The only thing positive (in a way) was that my husband did express to the MC that he is the one with the problem, not me. We go back in 2 weeks. In the meantime, I am completely withdrawing in this marriage. My husband's anger and resentment and blame has been happening for 2 years and doesn't show signs of stopping. I am going to tell the MC that I think it is reasonable that if my husband cannot come to terms with all this in a reasonable amount of time we may have to explore our options. God only knows what the state of our marraige will be like then and of course that will be all my fault too. To add insult to the injury my self exteem and confidence as a woman is completely shot to heck. I honestly do not recognize this man I have been married to for over 20 years. Thanks for listening.