Passionate69 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 So, after 4 years in a sexless marriage i was not able to hold my mouth and told my H that i am unhappy in the marriage and i can't stay ! i was very surprised to his respond, he was pissed off;and started telling me that i am not attractive anymore,unlike before i was size 0 and now i'm size 5,which is fat ! he hoped that if i ever find a man he shoudn't be a jobless,jerk or only after sex with me then leave me. the following day he asked sorry about of what he said to me and told me i should forget all about it; and that he loves me and i am the most important person in his life and don't want to lose me. he was so sorry about it took so long before he find solution to his problem; he decided to see the sex therapist next week. the reason he avoided to have sex with me because he was worried he can't satisfy me and he would rather masturbate himself than to have sex with me. now, i do not know and i'm confused if i'm still inlove with him or no more i have this feelings for a while now; and also i can't forget all the hurtful words he said to me...
curiousnycgirl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Well truth is his explosive reaction only confirmed what were probably your worse fears, that he did not find you attractive. I know that was my issue when my b/f lost his libido. I felt unattractive and rejected and it just kept building and getting worse. Had my bf said that to me, I know would have been devastated. I think he is blowing smoke up your butt to tell the truth. Yes something is going on, and no it has nothing to do with you - however I think the line he is feeding you of being afraid not to be able to satisfy you is BS. Has he satisfied you in the past? I'm not sure what the difference is between a sex therapist and a regular one - but I am sure he can use the help. I were in your shoes and I really loved him and he was willing to start therapy - I would probably stick it out and give it a chance. However the words he slung at you were hurtful and hateful - and he needs to seriously make it up to you!
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Get to marriage counselling too! I think over the years you both have resentments that have built up, communication has slowed down and each of you have distanced yourself from eachother. Being confused is a good thing because it means there's a chance that you BOTH can dig down deep and renew your feelings for eachother.
Author Passionate69 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 I think he is blowing smoke up your butt to tell the truth. Yes something is going on, and no it has nothing to do with you - however I think the line he is feeding you of being afraid not to be able to satisfy you is BS. Has he satisfied you in the past? Hi cg, thanks for the reply ! the answer to that question is No ! he wasn't really satisfying me, most of the time he only make sure that he is done himself without even knowing me if i'm finish yet or not. sometimes i wonder if, he is just naive in bed or just plain selfish and lazy ? no matter how explained to him that this and that is the way i like it, he don't want to do it; and said he's not used to it. everytime i bring up the issues he have lots of different reasons and sometimes i'm tired of listening to it. i decided this is the last time i address our issues and i don't want to speak with him about it anymore.
Author Passionate69 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Get to marriage counselling too! I think over the years you both have resentments that have built up, communication has slowed down and each of you have distanced yourself from eachother. Being confused is a good thing because it means there's a chance that you BOTH can dig down deep and renew your feelings for eachother. Which, Thanks for the reply, i think you're right that we really need mc.
Curmudgeon Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Hi cg, thanks for the reply ! the answer to that question is No ! he wasn't really satisfying me, most of the time he only make sure that he is done himself without even knowing me if i'm finish yet or not. sometimes i wonder if, he is just naive in bed or just plain selfish and lazy ? no matter how explained to him that this and that is the way i like it, he don't want to do it; and said he's not used to it. everytime i bring up the issues he have lots of different reasons and sometimes i'm tired of listening to it. i decided this is the last time i address our issues and i don't want to speak with him about it anymore. What he is to you and what you are to him are things that can be discussed during marriage counseling. From what I read, perhaps the biggest problem the two of you have is effective communication. But that's fixable if each of you wants it to be. There's a huge difference between conversations and confrontation. A conversation is respectful, friendly if not loving, positive and productive. A confrontation usually consists of disrespect, anger, accusations yeilding nothing but blame-laying and hurt feelings. If the two of you learn to communicate I think all the rest, including the sex issues, could very well work themselves out.
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