philm12 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I was looking for some dating advice here if possible since it seems we have some knowledgable people here. I have been going out with this girl for about 4 months now. She is from another country (lived here 3yrs now), she basically has no other friends or family, and she just got let go at her job, so basically she only has me. I thought everything has been going great until this week. She is always telling me how lonely and homesick she is, and I try to be there for her because I really care about her. She went out of state to meet some people she knew before moving here. Immediately after she came back (2 weeks later), I get a message from her saying that she "really likes" me but doesn't want to get too "connected" with me because she is afraid that she will hurt me some day and decide to go back to her home country. I did manage to get a hold of her after a day or so of getting that message and she said she was sorry, she was just homesick and that we could "still be friends". She wants me to help her study for an employment exam for the gov't this Sunday. I told her that I don't care if she eventually decides to go back if it would make her happier but I would rather spend the rest of the time that she is here with her rather than not be with her at all. I think she is really afraid of commitment or getting too close to people, she had a bad experience in the past with a guy who abused her when she first came to the US. I am pretty sure I am the first guy she has been with since leaving her ex about 3yrs ago. I really care about her a lot but I don't know the best approach to take. I don't want to be just friends but I don't want to go too fast and scare her off. Do you guys think there is a chance for this to work or do you think we both will end up getting hurt?
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 What's the current state of the relationship? Platonic, romantic, sexual? My bet is things for her have changed or clarified. You'll have to make a choice. "Friend zone" or goodbye. Only you can answer that. Much will depend on where the relationship was prior to her latest communication.
Author philm12 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 I was set up through a mutual friend I knew. I would classify it as a romantic relationship at least up until now, will have to wait I guess to see how things go now. She invited me to her apartment before she left and said I was the only one she trusted to do so. I thought I was getting signals that she wanted to take the relationship to another level but like I said when she came back she left me that message. So I don't know anymore. She is a very caring person so I don't know if I should take what she said litterily, you know, that she is just afraid of hurting me or herself down the road, or if she was saying that to set boundaries.
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