thornfield Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Here is the back-story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132997/ We had the most amazing first year, we got engaged, and she moved in, then it all changed. She could not seem to commit or love anymore. No cheating – trust me – I sniffed everywhere. After a few months she canceled the wedding but still wanted to live with me. After a few months of that situation, I was frustrated, angry, we had a big argument and she moved out. Now she is gone but as she says “I still want you in my life – as friends”. We have no sex – no FWB. Can we really be friends? She won’t tell me about her new boyfriend - she keeps that a secret. I’m sure she does not tell the new guy that we are seeing each other. She still wants to go out and have dinner together but then gives me lame excuses as to why she wants to end the night early. She obviously wants to go to be with the new guy. I just can’t seem to figure this one out. What is that she wants from me? Will staying friends bring her back some day? Should I just take some time off – incommunicado? Do any ladies have similar experience or have girlfriends that have done this. Guys can chime in too. Thanks for reading in advance.
AvgJoeDoe Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I think No Contact would be best for her and specially you. Unless you want to see her as a friend only, and be used as a emotional pillow.
heartoutside Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Don't be friends with her, esp if she isn't telling the other guy. Get out....trust me.
aln186 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I like to remain friends with my Exes if at all possible... after all, it was usually the friendship that brought us together in the first place but you have to be careful. As 'Joe said, you don't want to be an emotional pillow and you don't deserve to be used. It sounds to me like she has plans for using you. "Having the cake and eating it too", come to mind for anyone else? I would stay incommunicado and try to move on with your life. Good luck.
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 OP, I echo the NC until you can resolve your feelings. I understand this disparity of emotional feeling and desire and IMO NC is the only way to go. Interesting about the "emotional pillow" stuff. My long-time female friend (who has always been such; no romance) has often used me as this pillow in the past. I resolved my romantic feelings for her and live more comfortably in the zone. But, of late, increasingly, I've noticed a bit more flirtation and not as much of using me for the sounding board for her BF complaints. As I'm still married, I have to be mindful of such things. Is a lessening in the "pillow" zone a sign of emotional changes? If yes, I want to be sensitive to that in order not to inadvertently cause her pain. Hmm....maybe it's time for a friendship talk....
audrey_1 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Here is the back-story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132997/ We had the most amazing first year, we got engaged, and she moved in, then it all changed. She could not seem to commit or love anymore. After a few months she canceled the wedding but still wanted to live with me. Can we really be friends? She still wants to go out and have dinner together but then gives me lame excuses as to why she wants to end the night early. What is that she wants from me? Will staying friends bring her back some day? Should I just take some time off – incommunicado? I am the woman who broke the engagement. We were together four years total. Lived together, engaged, that last year. While living together, differences came to light that caused me to realize we would not have a successful marriage. His willingness to communicate and compromise suddenly disappeared. Yet, I loved him very much. But I moved out; I thought it cruel to suddenly become his roomie after we had been engaged. I did keep in touch with him for a while, partly out of guilt, partly because I truly wondered if I had made the right decision. But his anger grew during that time, and NC ended up happening, probably for the best. I would suggest that for you, too. There is no reason to keep in contact with this woman. She doesn't want to be with you. Move on with your head held high. That's my humble opinion based on this exact experience. I still miss him, but not enough to go back to the relationship.
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