Storyrider Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Just wanted to open a discussion on this: Why do some men flirt successfully and others fail? Are there different styles of flirting that appeal to different women? These are my observations about male flirting Flirting mistakes: --Cheesy --Crass --Arrogant --Awkward --Too sincere and serious, not playful --Attempts to be funny but falls flat, doesn't make you laugh --Inappropriately possessive Flirting successes: --Makes you laugh, funny on different levels --Eye contact --Touching to a pleasant degree without overstepping --Subtle innuendo/wordplay --Bonds through shared interests (music, movies, etc.) --Makes you feel feminine --Slightest hint of mild jealousy
Phateless Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I think neediness is the major player here. Women don't react well to a man who comes across as too needy or wanting too much from them.
Author Storyrider Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 I think neediness is the major player here. Women don't react well to a man who comes across as too needy or wanting too much from them. What specific actions would make a man's flirting seem needy, do you think?
Mustang Sally Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I think neediness is the major player here. Women don't react well to a man who comes across as too needy or wanting too much from them. Amen to that. Or too much bravado. Or too much .... pretty much anything. JMO.
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Women are a mystery. I gave up and am just myself. With the right one, I will be successful
Pyro Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Just wanted to open a discussion on this: Why do some men flirt successfully and others fail? Are there different styles of flirting that appeal to different women? These are my observations about male flirting Flirting mistakes: --Cheesy --Crass --Arrogant --Awkward --Too sincere and serious, not playful --Attempts to be funny but falls flat, doesn't make you laugh --Inappropriately possessive Flirting successes: --Makes you laugh, funny on different levels --Eye contact --Touching to a pleasant degree without overstepping --Subtle innuendo/wordplay --Bonds through shared interests (music, movies, etc.) --Makes you feel feminine --Slightest hint of mild jealousy Very good list SR. Some suceed and some fail based on who the woman is that they are flirting with. Every woman is unique.
tanbark813 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Eye contact is universal, and possibly the most powerful if done right, when it comes to flirting.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Very good list SR. Some suceed and some fail based on who the woman is that they are flirting with. Every woman is unique. I agree, that is true. I think it depends on the person, and what they may or may not like flirting wise from men.
Author Storyrider Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Do you think this is the first stage when women and men figure out whether they speak the same sexual language? Is flirting verbal proto-sexual foreplay? What if the flirting is bad, but you see the person has good qualities. One can choose to forge on, past the stage when most flirting occurs. At that time, the relationship is more settled and one can focus on compatibilities or positive character traits and forget about whether or not the flirting "works"? Or, is there something the flirting stage tells us about how the relationship will operate later on. If the flirting doesn't "work" what does that mean for the relationship?
audrey_1 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Just wanted to open a discussion on this: These are my observations about male flirting Flirting mistakes: --Cheesy --Crass --Arrogant --Awkward --Too sincere and serious, not playful --Attempts to be funny but falls flat, doesn't make you laugh --Inappropriately possessive Flirting successes: --Makes you laugh, funny on different levels --Eye contact --Touching to a pleasant degree without overstepping --Subtle innuendo/wordplay --Bonds through shared interests (music, movies, etc.) --Makes you feel feminine --Slightest hint of mild jealousy This is a great list! But what's funny, is that one man's success is another man's failure, depending on the woman. Dating is HARD!
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Eye contact is universal, and possibly the most powerful if done right, when it comes to flirting. Funny, I've been told more than once that I'm the "only guy" who looks into a particular woman's eyes and was even told by one female friend that I was the only person who ever described to her the exact color of her eyes (in my own inimitable romantic fashion). Results? "Friend zone".....so, like I said, with the right one I will be successful:) BTW, the guys who talk to women's chests seem to do much "better"
Pyro Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 (edited) Do you think this is the first stage when women and men figure out whether they speak the same sexual language? Is flirting verbal proto-sexual foreplay? Good question, but yes, definitely to both questions. What if the flirting is bad, but you see the person has good qualities. One can choose to forge on, past the stage when most flirting occurs. At that time, the relationship is more settled and one can focus on compatibilities or positive character traits and forget about whether or not the flirting "works"? My, you are full of some good and interesting questions today. I think that depends per relationship. Some people can look past bad flirting and see the good qualities in someone and some will base the relationship on just how the flirting goes. On the other hand, a couple that speaks the same sexual language tend to last longer then those who do not. Or, is there something the flirting stage tells us about how the relationship will operate later on. If the flirting doesn't "work" what does that mean for the relationship? I think that depends as well. I don't consider myself to be the greates flirt, but I still ended up with a wonderful relationship. Edited March 14, 2008 by Pyro
JackJack Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Flirting with the my eyes is how I got my wife. Its how I flirted with her when we first started talking. I still look into her eyes and she does mine. I really believe that is how we have such a tight bond and know there is that strong emotional connection. I think if we both stopped looking into each others eyes, then that is when I would know something was possibly up.
blind_otter Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I am totally clueless when it comes to male flirting. Truth is, every LTR I've had started with me completely conviced that the guy was totally not interested in me. I had my SO over to my house with a group of friends when we first met (I have a pool, so in the summer time people tend to come over a lot more....) and he was by the pool playing dominos and I was doing my best to catch his eye in my bikini. No go. He was totally cool to me. Didn't even look my way twice. I thought he was more interested in this other girl. Turns out he thought she was a total butter face. Eventually I got him to sit next to me while we were watching a movie and I planted one on him. He seemed pleasantly surprised.
KittenMoon Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I don't like flirting. It's so impersonal- I only tend to flirt with non-potential partners, as more of a fun thing. I figure a guy can't be too wowed by me if he's calm and clever enough to flirt- I wanna see a bit a fluster, then I know he's really has a liking towards me, and vice versa.
Trialbyfire Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 A good list Story! The not funny, falling flat part, is usually someone who is nervous or uncomfortable about flirting. Most of the time, the content isn't bad, it's the delivery and timing. Also, if you don't like the guy, even if it's purely friendship, no matter how good a flirt he is, he'll usually annoy the hell out of you.
Mustang Sally Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Or, is there something the flirting stage tells us about how the relationship will operate later on. If the flirting doesn't "work" what does that mean for the relationship? All I can tell you is what worked for me in my experience. If the flirting is bad, there is no chance. There has to be some sort of connection beyond the platonic - hence, in flirting - for me to pursue any other type of relationship than just that: platonic. However, not all of my good flirting relationships were good long-term potential relationships. Of course.
twice_shy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Just wanted to open a discussion on this: Why do some men flirt successfully and others fail? Are there different styles of flirting that appeal to different women? These are my observations about male flirting Flirting mistakes: --Cheesy --Crass --Arrogant Oh on the contrary, I think arrogant flirting works wonders with women. If not, then why are all these women going after the players? I've seen arrogant men flirt with women, and its so obvious that they are arrogant, but the women they flirt with don't care because the guy looks good. so I guess I can qualify it by saying if you look good arrogant works. Hell, if you look good, anything works. I know I know, there are gonna be some women that say looks wouldn't sway them, but I've seen it too many times.
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I know I know, there are gonna be some women that say looks wouldn't sway them, but I've seen it too many times. Women are so shallow So, show of hands; how many women put the "good lookin' guy" in the friend zone? EH?
Author Storyrider Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 I wanna see a bit a fluster, then I know he's really has a liking towards me, and vice versa. I think this in itself can be a form of flirting if handled right.
audrey_1 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Women are so shallow So, show of hands; how many women put the "good lookin' guy" in the friend zone? EH? *Raises hand* Looks aren't everything, regardless of how well they flirt.
Author Storyrider Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Flirting with the my eyes is how I got my wife. Its how I flirted with her when we first started talking. I still look into her eyes and she does mine. I really believe that is how we have such a tight bond and know there is that strong emotional connection. I think if we both stopped looking into each others eyes, then that is when I would know something was possibly up. It is really good that your flirting continued into the marriage. I think if flirting sexualizes a relationship then lack of flirting will de-sexualize it. For that reason, the flirting has to be an enjoyable end in itself, something each person looks forward to, rather than the means to an end. I'm thinking about some scenes in Pride and Prejudice (I know, any excuse for me to mention it, ha ha ) But anyway, the flirty banter between Darcy and Elizabeth is seemingly innocent in words, but their interaction is highly charged sexually (well, especially the way Colin Firth played it.) Their relationship was sexualized from the beginning even though they hardly touched each other.
borntorun Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I don't like flirting. It's so impersonal- I only tend to flirt with non-potential partners, as more of a fun thing. I figure a guy can't be too wowed by me if he's calm and clever enough to flirt- I wanna see a bit a fluster, then I know he's really has a liking towards me, and vice versa. lol, See I can flirt with girls that I like but not "like". Girls that I really "like" ,current one in particular, I fall flat on my face.
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