AKDL Devotee Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I am a father of 3 and have been happily married for over 13 years. I have always been extremely devoted to my kids and family. I own my own business, and my wife really does not have a care in the world. She is free to pursue any hobby she wishes or social activity. Although I have always been actively involved with kids; baths, homework, bus stop duty, doctor appointments, etc; I did neglect my wife to an extent from an intimacy standpoint for many years. We were a bit like room mates or parent partners rather than lovers. I had a near death experience a couple of years ago that changed my outlook on life to an extent. My kids have always come first, but I have now placed my wife at the top of the list and do anything I can for her in every way. We hardly ever fight and we truly enjoy one anothers company. I truly believe that she is the love of my life. Last Spring though, I noticed that she had become obsessed with a soap opera that she has watched most of her life. There is a particular actor on the show that I know she is totally infatuated with. She went to blogs for the guy (mindless trash), searched the previews for upcoming shows everyday, plus recorded every episode on the DVR. I consider one obsessed with a show or actor when they talk to the TV which she does. I asked her last summer what was up with this, and she basically thought I was a lunatic for asking. My main point though was she doing this to fill some void in our marriage? This is what I assumed and I sought to be a better husband from an emotional and intimacy standpoint. My efforts seemed to really pay off. We have grown closer and our marriage is better than ever. She even stated such on New Years Eve. However, this obsession with this actor is not going away. I say she has it on the brain. She watches this guy every day, goes to the blogs, You Tube, forums, etc. She says she just wants to see what is going on with her show, but I think it is B.S. She watches the steamy clips from the saved episodes over and over again. I know she has sexual fantasies about the guy and frequently masturbates after watching these clips - particularly when I am out of town. I know this as a fact. Two events made me think this has gone too far. Prior to Xmas when the kids and I were building a gingerbread house, she was on her computer in the other room going through the previews for the show. The other instance happened when we were playing the board game Life. When my wife went past the space where she go married, my daughter spouted out that mom was going to marry this character. That was the last mental straw for me. I honestly don't know why this guy needs to be part of our marriage. Is this wrong or is it going too far? What is too far? Am I nuts and just need to deal with it and keep focusing on being a good husband. I know if I did what she is doing she would be pissed. If it is wrong how do I address it? I honestly don't know what to do.
ProudMommy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Wow. Well, you seem like a very nice and understanding husband and I do not blame you for being concerned. Your description of your wife's interest in the television characted does seem to be kind of obsessive. Have you tried just sitting down and having a serious talk with her about this and saying the exact same things to her that you said in this post? Tell her that you feel like she is getting obsessed with this character, that you feel she is neglecting time with you and her kids for it, and then tell her how it makes you feel? Sometimes when someone has an obsession with something, it's not a concious choice. They don't realize their behavior is becoming obsessive. Maybe she just doesn't realize you know? It would probably help a lot if you were just very honest with her and told her exactly how you feel. Good luck and I hope you can get her to understand....
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