sveltskye Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Here's my sitch: I dated a guy for about 7 months. I thought it was amazing, was really happy, thought we were really good for eachother. He broke it off about a month ago, saying that he was worried I was dependent on him, he was worried that he was feeling smothered and getting a wandering eye. He never communicated these worries with me AT ALL before he dumped me and I felt it came out of left field. He seemed to be making a kind of spur of the moment decision and cried (a lot) when breaking up with me. We said we'd be friends. We go three weeks NC, then I run into him downtown. I went to the club we met at on my birthday and he showed up there (I had posted that I'd be there on my blog so he could avoid me and others could show up). He bought me 50 dollars worth of booze on my birthday. All this time he's acting kind of strange to me, not wanting to really talk to me, meet my eye, etc. He spent my birthday night watching me and my friend dance from the corner of the room. He runs into my friend the next day and when he asks how he's doing with the breakup he says he's ok, he has a "short grief period". That was about 2 weeks ago. Fast forward to tonight. I'm doing pretty well at this point, I miss him and haven't really gotten over him, but I'm still living my life, not being too emotional about it and having fun. We run into eachother at 80's night again. I have several friends there, one of them being a mutual friend of the two of us. This friend ends up telling my friend that he's not over me at all, he had to drink a lot to face dealing with me, he had gone out and got stinking drunk the night he broke up with me, and that he didn't want to dance with me so that I would dance with other guys and get over him so he could get over me. His behavior certainly supports this. Seriously, the guy was brooding like no other. I told him he was acting like Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is actually pretty funny because he's actually the spitting image of Spike. He was incredibly conspicuous and all my friends noticed. I'm trying to talk to him normally and be friendly and he's just acting incredibly broody and laconic. I also was dancing with another guy pretty much right in front of him (not to be mean, it just happened that way) and my friend said he looked like he was going to barf. I'm wondering if I should try to talk to him. I felt like the breakup was stupid, and I'm willing to get over him, but I still love him. Ideally, I'd like to let him know the door is still open if he regrets his decision. I don't know if he could get over his pride enough for that, but I'd at least like him not to act like a big broody creep whenever I run into him.
thornfield Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Men do stupid things. Try to talk to him. Just sit somewhere private, just the both of you, so his pride and ego wont get in the way – much. Tell him how you feel and then knowing your feelings, he might tell you exactly how he feels. Tell him he has this one chance to get it all out or you’re moving on.
angie16 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 well i have a question on asking him. my ex and i have been broken up 6 months. our friends split to eitehr side accordingly so we have no reason to run into each other mutually. we've been LC for 6 weeks, with good communication, but not about us. do i just tell him i really want to discuss all of this and go for broke? i really need to either move on and i think i need to hear it from him if its def something he doesn't want to do 100%. then the flip side is if he's not ready to get back 100%, and i confront him too soon, that he freaks and its over for good. i am just so done with the watiing game! i really need some advice
Author sveltskye Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Yeah, I'm in a similar place, angie16. Its kind of a make or break moment, but I need some kind of closure, something final. So I was thinking of sending him an email, basically telling him exactly what I thought about everything he said during the breakup, telling him that I love him still but am willing to just go NC and get over him if he feels this is the best thing for us, and giving him two options: We can trade off weeks that we go to the club and not have to see each other, or we can talk at a coffee shop or something if he wants to discuss our relationship further. I've used letters successfully to clear the air with him before, so I think this might be a good option, and put less pressure on him to decide what he wants right away. And that way I can say what I want to say how I want to say it without getting confused by his feedback. Does this sound like a good option? And if he flat out says NC, I know I just need to let go of him completely. I just don't like t see him unhappy and I want a real friendship eventually if we're gonna go that route, not this weird halfway thing that tortures both of us.
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