misscalmer Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 It's been a month since I cheated on my bf, with a mm, on my bfs birthday, which happens to be Valentines day....oooops. I haven't slept with my bf since I cheated, it's been tricky but I've managed. I've only slept with the mm once, we've just talked and held hands since. I'm divorced, I left my H because he cheated on me, he's still with his OW. I've told the mm that I don't want to be his ow, but the thing about the MM, is that I haven't felt like this since I met my first H. Every time my bf touches me it feels like I'm cheating on the MM. the MM told me he loved me, twice. I do love him, and am in love with him, but I can't bring myself to tell him, I don't want to complicate his life anymore. I told him not to leave his wife, and have given him several ways to restore the love in his marriage. I don't want to be the home wrecker. I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss.
shakenandstirred Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 You've got such a long way to go. You have betrayed the trust of your boyfriend on some very sentimental days, you are messing with a MM that is not going to leave his wife for you, and you treat your boyfriend as if he is the plague. Let me tell you something, your boyfriend has an idea that something isn't right and sooner or later he will find out. When the MM's wife finds out, he is probably going to dump you like toxic waste, cause trust me, I have been on these sites for a while and have seen situations similar to yours. You are going to wind up very hurt, depressed and lonely because you have chosen to do something that just doesn't involve you. If the other man has children, you have involved them, you've involved your boyfriend and the MM's wife. Their will be anger, embarrassment and some possible threats heading your way. Your little fantasy that you have built up with this MM will turn into a nightmare and you will hate yourself (If you are truly a good moral person) for doing this to your boyfriend , the MM's wife and children if he has any. You need to leave him alone, (MM)confess to or leave your boyfriend. You are already treating him as if you are gone.(the boyfriend) Was the boyfriend bad to you? Do you think he deserved to be betrayed? No one deserves that. It would have been best to leave your boyfriend than to put this dagger that will soon one day be visible in his heart. I do believe that you are a good moral person, but you have definately taken a wrong turn
lovelorcet Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss. Well that is what you are going to do, so just go ahead and do it. Maybe you could salvage a tiny speck of common decency and tell your bf that you cheated on him so that he can have the chance to find someone who actually cares about him.
mrmaximum Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 The other posters here are on to something. You are indeed heading into the abyss and there will be no going back one this occurs. Your bf deserve more than this, he won't be very forgiving once he finds out as you left your ex for what you currently are doing to him. You need to leave this MM and then tell your bf, he does have an idea that something is up already. You need to get to the bottom of this to find out why you are engaging in such destructive behavior.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss. Perhaps you should. They say you learn from your mistakes, not your successes and you have a brutal lesson ahead of you to learn. This will all blow up in your face, and when it does, you will end up alone, in pain, and feeling like you don't have a single person in the world who will ever want you or love you again. Maybe that will be the boot in your butt that you need to stop perpetuating your own pain and others.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 End your relationship with your boyfriend. What you are doing to him is completely selfish and cruel. To knowingly have sex with MM on your bf's bday and Vday? That's just mean... Anyway, why are you still with your bf? Seeing as you've been cheated on in the past, how could you turn around and do the exact same thing to someone else?
Bryanp Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You of all people should know how it feels. Do you enjoy disrespecting and humiliating your boyfriend and the OM's wife? It sounds like you have a broken moral compass.
Author misscalmer Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 nobody deserves to be betrayed, and he's quite good to me. I never meant to cheat on him on his birthday, (now my excuse) I work about 8 hours from where we live and I was on my 24th day of work, it was the last night of work our crew did some drinking, and one of the gentlemen that I work with needed a place to crash, and I knew it was wrong, after months and months of listening to how unhappy he is, how much him and his wife fight. We became friends, and we flirt, I shouldn't have let him stay in my room. but everything happens for a reason, and I still don't regret it. it started as innocent as us just having conversations, but I do consider him a friend. it started emotional not physical the reason I haven't broken up with my boyfriend is horrible and selfish...but when I come back from work I have 4 days back home, and it's my regularly scheduled life for me, I just don't want to upset the balance... but I think I will tell him, it's been tough for me to look into his eyes and know what I did. and I keep thinking that I will leave the mm alone, but then once a week (like he requested) I call him to let him know what's up in my life, where I am and where I'm going next. I'm a good person, I've just taken a wrong turn.
In Like Flynn Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Looks like you have become your ex-husband who cheated on you. Congratulations!! Whats the ole saying...integrity [B]can never be taken from you..you can only give it away.[/b]
In Like Flynn Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Looks like you have become your ex-husband who cheated on you. Congradulations!! Whats the ole saying...Integrity can never be taken from you...you can only give it way!!
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 OP, you are a good person. Do what a good person does and be honest with your BF. My bet is he knows something is wrong.
Ronni_W Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I'm a good person, I've just taken a wrong turn. That is wonderful awareness ONLY if you make a change in direction. Otherwise it's just a completely useless piece of navigational information. If you choose to stay on this road, then it immediately stops being a "wrong" turn and becomes your willful choice. There is nothing that says you HAVE to stay headed East just cos you made a wrong turn and actually intended to go North. But only YOU have the power to choose to alter your course.
twice_shy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 It's been a month since I cheated on my bf, with a mm, on my bfs birthday, which happens to be Valentines day....oooops. Ya thats right....oooops...no big deal. Nice that you have such a cavalier attitude about betraying your bf and being a party to betraying someones wife. I've told the mm that I don't want to be his ow, but the thing about the MM, is that I haven't felt like this since I met my first H. Every time my bf touches me it feels like I'm cheating on the MM. Uh, here is a crazy idea. but why don't you break up with your bf? Now isn't that a nutty idea? the MM told me he loved me, twice. I do love him, and am in love with him, but I can't bring myself to tell him, I don't want to complicate his life anymore. I told him not to leave his wife, and have given him several ways to restore the love in his marriage. I don't want to be the home wrecker. Too late. Whether the wife knows or not, your precense will make a difference in his family's lives. And not for the better. I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss. first you break up with your boyfriend, he deserves better. 2nd, if you really want to do the right thing, you will break it off with this MM. but hey, that doesn't even really matter, because if it wasn't you, I'm sure at some point and time it will be someone else.
twice_shy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Do you enjoy disrespecting and humiliating your boyfriend and the OM's wife?. I think the answer to this question can be answered by her arrogant disregard of her bf and the MM's wife when she said "ooops".
mrmaximum Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 End your relationship with your boyfriend. What you are doing to him is completely selfish and cruel. To knowingly have sex with MM on your bf's bday and Vday? That's just mean... Anyway, why are you still with your bf? Seeing as you've been cheated on in the past, how could you turn around and do the exact same thing to someone else? I agree, when you been through something like that you wouldn't really want to inflict that same agony onto someone else. The truth is that this will in fact make it harder for him to forgive you. I'm glad you have decided to level with your bf, there may be some issues you have to work through before you do this again. Unfortunately from what you posted makes reconciliation seem unlikely, which is all the more reason for you to sort things out. Good people are very hard to find and life can be a little harsh when we realize our own stupid mistakes have driven them away.
redfathom Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I'm divorced, I left my H because he cheated on me, he's still with his OW. You left your H because he cheated on you but you are cheating with a man who is married. Can we all say HYPOCRITE. At least break up with your BF.
redfathom Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I told him not to leave his wife, and have given him several ways to restore the love in his marriage. I don't want to be the home wrecker. I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss. You don't know what you want, except that you don't want to feel guilty for breaking up the marriage so you tell your MM not to break up with his wife for YOU, but you do want them to break up so you can have him.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I told him not to leave his wife...Well thank goodness for THAT. We all KNOW how quickly MM leave their wives and families for their side dishes. I'd even be willing to bet he'd already started divorce proceedings and had his bags all packed and by the door - I'm sure you singlehandedly diverted a marital crisis for he and his wife. LOL.
TMCM Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Perhaps you should. They say you learn from your mistakes, not your successes and you have a brutal lesson ahead of you to learn. This will all blow up in your face, and when it does, you will end up alone, in pain, and feeling like you don't have a single person in the world who will ever want you or love you again. Maybe that will be the boot in your butt that you need to stop perpetuating your own pain and others. Ditto. Please consider individual counseling for it seems that you are far from being in any healthy monogamous relationship.
shakenandstirred Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 For sleeping with the married man. That is the most selfish, distasteful comment you can ever say about betraying someone. I don't regret it. It means you don't regret all the harm that you have done. You can sympathize with people and be a good friend to them, but you don't have to betray your boyfriend with them. Who you have stated is quite good to you. Maybe I was wrong, maybe you are not a good person. Maybe you are just a selfish person who has no regrets for the feelings of others. You really have no idea whats about to happen when this all gets out. You and the married man have done something that will take years to overcome. Not months, years. At least for him because he is married. Your boyfriend can move along, but the hurt will always be there with him. You should know, you had it done to you. misscalmer, reality is going to hit you so hard in the face, that your grandchildren will have black eyes for two generations. You need to stop being selfish, confess to your boyfriend and get some couseling for yourself. Your behavior is destructive and guess what? You don't regret it
Cobra_X30 Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 It's been a month since I cheated on my bf, with a mm, on my bfs birthday, which happens to be Valentines day....oooops. I haven't slept with my bf since I cheated, it's been tricky but I've managed. I've only slept with the mm once, we've just talked and held hands since. I'm divorced, I left my H because he cheated on me, he's still with his OW. I've told the mm that I don't want to be his ow, but the thing about the MM, is that I haven't felt like this since I met my first H. Every time my bf touches me it feels like I'm cheating on the MM. the MM told me he loved me, twice. I do love him, and am in love with him, but I can't bring myself to tell him, I don't want to complicate his life anymore. I told him not to leave his wife, and have given him several ways to restore the love in his marriage. I don't want to be the home wrecker. I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss. The abyss is no place you want to be! Your heart is not ready for what you intend. If you take some time and move a step back your vision will clear and understanding will follow. Repeating your failed marriage from the other side will niether provide you justice nor satisfaction. You need to realize this. There comes a point in your life when you have to choose who you want to be! This MM is nobody special, neither is your BF. I hope that you choose to be someone good, someone worthy of a wonderful and loving relationship, free of cheating and cheap drama.
Author misscalmer Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 sleeping with the married man. That is the most selfish, distasteful comment you can ever saythank you, it is, and I don't know why but the people that I have confided in are supporting me on it, I wrote this on the internet so I could make sure that humanity hasn't gone completely to shambles, I'm glad there are people out there that can bring me back to earth. first you break up with your boyfriend, he deserves better.I have to say once again good call, I'm back to being single, the bf does deserve better than me, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. quite amicable. If you take some time and move a step back your vision will clear and understanding will follow. Repeating your failed marriage from the other side will niether provide you justice nor satisfaction. You need to realize this. There comes a point in your life when you have to choose who you want to be! I know it's only been a short time, but after everything I have read, and because I don't want to live my life in deceit and a swimming in a web of lies.... and I want a pure love that is only for the two parties involved....I have found a way to deal with the situation, I haven't talked to called or returned calls to the MM, I decided to take a few minutes everyday and write in a journal about my feelings about what is going on. It's a start.
lovelorcet Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Wow, I have to say I am a bit impressed. Most of the women who come at the stage you were in continue to destroy everything they have until the reach rock bottom. It sounds like you are taking some positive steps to get your life and heart back in order. Don't give up though you still have a long way to go.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I know it's only been a short time, but after everything I have read, and because I don't want to live my life in deceit and a swimming in a web of lies.... and I want a pure love that is only for the two parties involved....I have found a way to deal with the situation, I haven't talked to called or returned calls to the MM, I decided to take a few minutes everyday and write in a journal about my feelings about what is going on. It's a start. I too am impressed! That part of you which makes descisions seems to be in perfect working order... in fact it seems you disregarded some bad support. I'm glad you want real love. I've noticed many people find it not too long after they stop looking. With that said, I wish you the very best!
notgoodatthis Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 It's been a month since I cheated on my bf, with a mm, on my bfs birthday, which happens to be Valentines day....oooops. I haven't slept with my bf since I cheated, it's been tricky but I've managed. I've only slept with the mm once, we've just talked and held hands since. I'm divorced, I left my H because he cheated on me, he's still with his OW. I've told the mm that I don't want to be his ow, but the thing about the MM, is that I haven't felt like this since I met my first H. Every time my bf touches me it feels like I'm cheating on the MM. the MM told me he loved me, twice. I do love him, and am in love with him, but I can't bring myself to tell him, I don't want to complicate his life anymore. I told him not to leave his wife, and have given him several ways to restore the love in his marriage. I don't want to be the home wrecker. I'm confused and want to follow my heart, even if that means following it straight into the abyss. Wow, it certainly sounds like you want your cake and eat it too. If you are going to make the decision to hurt others, you need to be grown up enough to make a decision on what to do from there. Here are two guys that are being strung along but do not know it. You cannot behave this way.
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