irish1187 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Ok, so I am 20 years old and recently (about 1 month ago) started seeing this guy who is 29. Now, I have always dated older guys (usually only a few years) and my friends usually are older as well. I have always been quite mature for my age. We have this amazing connection and I have never been happier. He truely is the most genuine, caring man I have ever met. He treats me like a queen! He has already told his friends and family about me with no problem. I am CONSTANTLY worrying about the age difference. Its frusterating for both of us because I tend to hide him at times. I know I should just do what makes me happy, but im so worried about what my parents and friends will think. Me and my parents have a very close relationship but I cant bring myself to tell them. I feel like he and I can't grow as a couple until we get over this bump. I know this could turn out to be the most amazing relationship for the both of us if I could just get over this fear of mine. Do you think its okay to date someone this much older than you? And how do you tell your parents and friends without them judging him and this relationship?
AriaIncognito Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Ok, so I am 20 years old and recently (about 1 month ago) started seeing this guy who is 29. Now, I have always dated older guys (usually only a few years) and my friends usually are older as well. I have always been quite mature for my age. We have this amazing connection and I have never been happier. He truely is the most genuine, caring man I have ever met. He treats me like a queen! He has already told his friends and family about me with no problem. I am CONSTANTLY worrying about the age difference. Its frusterating for both of us because I tend to hide him at times. I know I should just do what makes me happy, but im so worried about what my parents and friends will think. Me and my parents have a very close relationship but I cant bring myself to tell them. I feel like he and I can't grow as a couple until we get over this bump. I know this could turn out to be the most amazing relationship for the both of us if I could just get over this fear of mine. Do you think its okay to date someone this much older than you? And how do you tell your parents and friends without them judging him and this relationship? You make it sound like he's 20 years older than you. I'd not give too much thought about 9 years. Many relationships I've seen (successful ones at that) were between people that were that far apart in age if not more. Age is a number. If you're compatible, you're compatible.
AussieJack Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 You make it sound like he's 20 years older than you. I'd not give too much thought about 9 years. Many relationships I've seen (successful ones at that) were between people that were that far apart in age if not more. Age is a number. If you're compatible, you're compatible. Yeh, I agree - I ahd a 19 year ond G.f when I was 30 -We were were great together. You are going to annoy your boy with all this fussing over nothing.
Author irish1187 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Yeh, I agree - I ahd a 19 year ond G.f when I was 30 -We were were great together. You are going to annoy your boy with all this fussing over nothing. Yeah, i totally agree! I dont want this problem to last because im scared to lose him over this. I just dont know how to tell my parents. I can't think of much of a defense if they arent happy with it other then telling them how much I love being with him. They are going to automatically assume his intentions are bad and say "what does a guy almost 30 want to do with a 20 year old!" i can see it already! I just would like to have their support and blessing
SeraBella Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Yeah, i totally agree! I dont want this problem to last because im scared to lose him over this. I just dont know how to tell my parents. I can't think of much of a defense if they arent happy with it other then telling them how much I love being with him. They are going to automatically assume his intentions are bad and say "what does a guy almost 30 want to do with a 20 year old!" i can see it already! I just would like to have their support and blessing You can try to explain to them the intentions of most guys YOUR age. In my early twenties, I always found guys who were older generally treated me with more respect that those that were my own age. At 25, I was dating a 34 year old. My parents are 5 years apart, and I had always kind of made 5 years my dating limit as a result. My parents had never really talked about what they found acceptable age wise, but I was still a little hesitant to tell them. I was surprised when I found out they didn't care at all. I explained how great things were with him before mentioning his age, though. My mom told me she thought it was great he was older since they had seen a lot of the guys closer to my age were still afraid of commitment, responsibility, and wanting to play the field more. We didn't work out, but it had nothing to do with our age difference. The sooner you can tell them, the sooner you can put this past you. You don't want to ruin a great thing because of something that you could later see as so trivial. As far as friends, some of mine did judge me because of it. A lot of them didn't judge me to my face, but I found out they were doing it when I wasn't around. I realized they weren't that good of friends, and I didn't care what they thought. I could have tried to argue the reasons he and I were a good couple and age didn't matter, but it didn't matter. It wasn't worth my energy. The good friends saw that we were happy, shared common interests, and that he treated me well. They enjoyed his company and became his friend, as well. They didn't care about his age whatsoever. Good luck, I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy.
blind_otter Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Oh that's too cute. 9 years ain't nothin! I seriously thought I was going to read about a 20 year age gap or something like that. I think, if you don't make it a big deal, your parents prolly won't. Of course my parents were 22 years apart, so they really couldn't say much about age differences.
buflili Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 9 yrs is ok, my dad is 20 yrs older than my mom, and they seem happy. But i would wait a while before goin to your parents, because 20 is a bit young to make any major decisions in life. If you're in your mid 20s, then your choice will be more convincing to your parents.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 You make it sound like he's 20 years older than you. I'd not give too much thought about 9 years. Many relationships I've seen (successful ones at that) were between people that were that far apart in age if not more. Age is a number. If you're compatible, you're compatible. There's a difference between a nine-year gap when you're 40 and when you're 20. When you're 20, nine years is HUGE--it's half the duration of her entire life! This girl (should be) in a very different place in life than someone who's coming up to middle age. Yeh, I agree - I ahd a 19 year ond G.f when I was 30 -We were were great together. That's actually incredibly creepy
audrey_1 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Well, I would probably be of the opinion that 20 dating 29 is different than 29 dating 39. BUT, over the past ten years, the two men I had the most serious relationships with were 18 and 19 years older than me. I am currently 32; they are currently 50 and 51. The 51 yr. old is my ex-fiancee. Anyway, I found it easier to date them because they were settled in their lives and didn't want to play games the way guys closer to my age do. They knew who they were and were pretty straightforward with me. Dating guys my age annoyed me. Sex was amazing with one, and a challenge with another, but that's probably another thread....I've since been seeing someone younger for this reason. Priorities! Your SO isn't THAT old.
Replicant Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Yeah, i totally agree! I dont want this problem to last because im scared to lose him over this. I just dont know how to tell my parents. I can't think of much of a defense if they arent happy with it other then telling them how much I love being with him. They are going to automatically assume his intentions are bad and say "what does a guy almost 30 want to do with a 20 year old!" i can see it already! I just would like to have their support and blessing That would be true in the sense *most people* at 30 are already pretty much established in life, career wise, have a sense of who they are and some sort of direction. Someone at 20 is most likely still going to be in school for a number of years, immature on all sorts of levels in life (Regardless of if they feel they are not). Almost 10 years there is an entire generation missing and that is all that knowledge and experience you don't have (yet). Some dude who needs to drop the bar so low as to date girls that age, can't be looking for long term potential because investing that kind of time in a girl that age is just asking for massive amounts of post teen drama queen. Along with probably having issues with women in closer shot to their own age range. So why your parents would question this is reasonable, of course it bursts your fairy tale love bubble but in reality it's not something built to last.
audrey_1 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 That would be true in the sense *most people* at 30 are already pretty much established in life, career wise, have a sense of who they are and some sort of direction. Someone at 20 is most likely still going to be in school for a number of years, immature on all sorts of levels in life (Regardless of if they feel they are not). Almost 10 years there is an entire generation missing and that is all that knowledge and experience you don't have (yet). Some dude who needs to drop the bar so low as to date girls that age, can't be looking for long term potential because investing that kind of time in a girl that age is just asking for massive amounts of post teen drama queen. Along with probably having issues with women in closer shot to their own age range. So why your parents would question this is reasonable, of course it bursts your fairy tale love bubble but in reality it's not something built to last. I agree 100%
mortensorchid Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I thought we were going to hear that he was 20 some years older than you! Nine years is not a big difference. You are only one generation apart. That's not a big deal.
Green Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I say you need to stop worying about what every one else thinks including the people on this msg board and search with in yourself for the answer. I don't think it is such a controversial age gap. If it makes you feel any better my father and mothers age gap is larger
Author irish1187 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 That would be true in the sense *most people* at 30 are already pretty much established in life, career wise, have a sense of who they are and some sort of direction. Someone at 20 is most likely still going to be in school for a number of years, immature on all sorts of levels in life (Regardless of if they feel they are not). Almost 10 years there is an entire generation missing and that is all that knowledge and experience you don't have (yet). Some dude who needs to drop the bar so low as to date girls that age, can't be looking for long term potential because investing that kind of time in a girl that age is just asking for massive amounts of post teen drama queen. Along with probably having issues with women in closer shot to their own age range. So why your parents would question this is reasonable, of course it bursts your fairy tale love bubble but in reality it's not something built to last. Ok, I guess i should have better explained myself. I am most definitely NOT feeling insecure of his intentions or what i want. I know what his intentions are.. and its not just to get in my pants. The problem I am having has absolutely nothing to do with me questioning his or my feelings for each other. Whether you believe or agree with it or not, the feelings are real going both ways. You are wrong. And you can't judge a relationship with out knowing the two people in it and the connection they have. And to say he is "just asking for massive amounts of post teen drama queen".. ? How judgemental I know i am being defensive about it, but that was the reason i brought it up in a thread. I was really asking for help on how to convince people what I was just trying to convince you and to stop everyone from being so judgemental!
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