Unforgetable77 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 To cut a long story short....... Been with MM 18 months, have tried to walk away no end of times, It just doesn't work we always end up back in each others arms, we both agree that we can't let each other go so here is the question.... why does he keep telling me 'I don't know'? It really irratates the s@*t out of me, he says his marriage is dead! so why in the he!! can't he just up and leave? when asked he tells me 'I don't know', I ask him where do we go from here... he says ' I don't know'... I just want a straight answer am I not entitled to that? It makes me feel he is hiding something, am i just being stupid?
Hope4usyet Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Dont want to rain on your parade but i think he is leading you a merry dance. You allowing him to get away with 'dont know' replys will make him do it all the more, he thinks it the easy option and this way he doesn't have to give you any definates. I would ask him where you stand and tell him that if he cant give you a straight answer to come back when he can. You deserve to be told the truth but you need to be strong and tell him to get a backbone otherewise he will always take the easy option.
OpenBook Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I agree. You keep establishing NC and then reneging on it. He KNOWS you can't resist him, no matter what you say you're going to do. And he's banking on that. Why should he follow through on anything when you're not??
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Why does he stay married? Because he stands to lose more by losing his marriage than he does by losing you, I expect. He will continue to stay married because he has no real reason to leave - you are allowing him to continue having you as OW while staying married. When someone says "I don't know" in a relationship context - it is because they do know, they just don't want to tell you because the truth hurts in a situation like that.
Author Unforgetable77 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Why does he stay married? Because he stands to lose more by losing his marriage than he does by losing you, I expect. He will continue to stay married because he has no real reason to leave - you are allowing him to continue having you as OW while staying married. When someone says "I don't know" in a relationship context - it is because they do know, they just don't want to tell you because the truth hurts in a situation like that. LB... I can't really go into detail but he stands to lose alot if he loses me too, I know this is tearing away at him but it just doesn't make sence to me, we constantly talk about our future when we are together but when we are apart he seems to back off I figure he 'knows' and yeh he probably doesn't want to hurt me but it can't get any worse, right?
Author Unforgetable77 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 I agree. You keep establishing NC and then reneging on it. He KNOWS you can't resist him, no matter what you say you're going to do. And he's banking on that. Why should he follow through on anything when you're not?? OB its not impossible to do NC but its difficult because of circumstance, it has never worked, the sad part is this man will be a part of our (kids) lives for the rest of my days how the he!! do i cope with that?
Owl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Does his wife know of his affair...and of the KIDS...that he's had with you?
LILA BELL Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Maybe he is misleading you because of the kids. Maybe he does not want you to go and tell his family about you and these kids you have with him. If they are in fact his kids,you should move on for that simple reason,your kids desereve a father who will not hide them from his loved ones. They deserve a father not just a sperm donor.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 (edited) I just read your other threads and saw that you have been with this guy for over a decade now. All I can say is that if he is still at "I don't know" after this much time, then he won't ever likely "know" and will simply keep you where he is most comfortable with you: on the side. I doubt he wants to divorce, marry you and help support your five children. Are any of them his? Edited March 14, 2008 by LucreziaBorgia
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Your MM is a p*ssy and scared to DO something. He won't divorce and he won't fully commit to you either. This guy is having his cake and eating it - He's LIVING a double life, this isn't just an affair, he's got a family with you as well as his wife. I feel for ALL the kids, this situation is a time bomb waiting to go off and everyone is going to get hurt...Only a matter of time.
Author Unforgetable77 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 sorry I should have been more clearer my children are not MMs we are connected through the children, the only one of them that could be MMs is my oldest and we are currently in the process of getting a paternity test.... LB, WWIU I hear you loud and clear, I don't really know why i've asked questions that I already know the answers too, I'm really at a loss what to do or where to go
Never_Again Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 To cut a long story short....... Been with MM 18 months, have tried to walk away no end of times, It just doesn't work we always end up back in each others arms, we both agree that we can't let each other go so here is the question.... why does he keep telling me 'I don't know'? It really irratates the s@*t out of me, he says his marriage is dead! so why in the he!! can't he just up and leave? when asked he tells me 'I don't know', I ask him where do we go from here... he says ' I don't know'... I just want a straight answer am I not entitled to that? It makes me feel he is hiding something, am i just being stupid? The straight answer is he is just playing you. Seriously. He sounds like every other MM. Leave before you get in even more deep or become pregnant.
Never_Again Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 sorry I should have been more clearer my children are not MMs we are connected through the children, the only one of them that could be MMs is my oldest and we are currently in the process of getting a paternity test.... I didn't see this before I left my other comment..... I guess it might be too late!
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 the only one of them that could be MMs is my oldest and we are currently in the process of getting a paternity test.... Wait and see what the paternity test results are. Then go from there. IF he is the father, then everything will change for everyone. If he isn't, you have a choice to bail or continue to be the OW in his life. Sadly, I don't think the paternity test results will change what he does in the sense of leaving his wife and family to be with you. Though, his wife may THROW him out after finding out the truth (if the results show he is your child's father.).
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 why does he keep telling me 'I don't know? Because you don't make him give you a real answer... You always go back to him and there are no consequences...He knows he can tell you he doesn't know and you'll get over it... It's much easier for him to tell you he doesn't know... He gets everything he wants that way...
Author Unforgetable77 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 Because you don't make him give you a real answer... You always go back to him and there are no consequences...He knows he can tell you he doesn't know and you'll get over it... It's much easier for him to tell you he doesn't know... He gets everything he wants that way... I've sat and thought alot about this GEL my biggest fear was that if i went NC that would be the end, I'm no longer afraid of this I'm sure that it's only a matter of time..... It aint a problem at the moment as he isn't talking to me anyway:confused:
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I've sat and thought alot about this GEL my biggest fear was that if i went NC that would be the end, I'm no longer afraid of this I'm sure that it's only a matter of time..... It aint a problem at the moment as he isn't talking to me anyway:confused: I understand your fears, totally...However, you need to respect yourself...If NC brought/brings the R to an end, then it was a R that was successful in it's limited content and run it's course... The end is really the beginning of something else... And it should really be YOU that is not talking to him...He has disappointed you, not the other way around...
phoenixgirl Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 My xMM kept giving me "I don't knows" too... and I kept holding on and making excuses and refusing to give ultimatums and holding on... "I don't know" turned into moving back home and leaving me with a pile of broken dreams. It does sound like he's a cake eater. In retrospect, as much as I loved my xMM and do feel that (in his way) he loved me, mine was as well. I'd get out of it while you can.
Author Unforgetable77 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 Well its all over...... all my hopes and dreams shattered, he was basically given 2 options a fortnight ago either leave and build a life with me or walk away not hard to guess which one he finally opted for he broke down while telling me this is what he had to do because he cannot be what i want or give me what i deserve, so that was it he walked away................. right now all I want to do is curl up in a little ball somewhere and die, I can't even begin to think of living without him, it hurts too much! if he loved me, truly loved me nothing would make him do this to me right? i don't want to feel this i dont want to suffer anymore
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You will be ok... It will hurt, but you will eventually feel better...You deserve better...All your hopes and dreams in life are not shattered; just this one... You will find love again...A love that won't put itself above you, take from you selfishly or hurt you repeatedly... Mourn your R...and move forward...You were someone special before he came along, and now you're still that someone special... (((STRENGTH)))
Author Unforgetable77 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 I have no fight left in me...... GEL thanx for your encouraging words, I don't feel very special right now and I obviously wasn't special enough, I'm alone at the moment where I can cry even scream if I feel the need but how do I cope when the children return later? seems selfish but I just don't know how I'm going to deal with them, I can't breath for crying!
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 It isn't about being "special enough"... I know that's how you are interpreting it, and how it feels, but it really doesn't have anything to do with "you"... It has to do with him...It has to do with him getting caught up in something that went way beyond what he was planning...It has to do with him getting his needs met...It has to do with how he sees his life going... You are perfectly you...There is nothing you could do or be that would have changed his mind... I'm so sorry that you're hurting...You'll pull it together and cope...Your children will keep you strong... Just take it one day at a time...
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