Elilmomma Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I just got off the phone with the ow and she's saying she never did anything with my husband(hmmmm). She admitted to knowing him and working with him but that's all. Could he have made it all up? I asked her then why was her number in his phone and? and several phone calls back in January to her phone? She denies talking to hubby on the phone at all but I have proof that hubby was talking to someone from her number for several minutes at a time. The ow woman denies any physical contact wiht him at all? Could I be married to a compulsive liar? I don't know what to believe help me please?
DogMetal Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 You need more evidence or proof, if you will. I think its that simple.
american-woman Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I just got off the phone with the ow and she's saying she never did anything with my husband(hmmmm). She admitted to knowing him and working with him but that's all. Could he have made it all up? I asked her then why was her number in his phone and? and several phone calls back in January to her phone? She denies talking to hubby on the phone at all but I have proof that hubby was talking to someone from her number for several minutes at a time. The ow woman denies any physical contact wiht him at all? Could I be married to a compulsive liar? I don't know what to believe help me please? Do not believe her she is protecting herself. You have proof of the calls made.
BetrayedMM Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 She's a coward. Don't expect the truth from cowards.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Go to any OW board, and look at the advice given for "when the W calls". Word for word, this is what you will find: Lie, lie, lie, deny, deny, deny. She's covering his ass. The only time you get the truth is when the OW is pissed off at being broken up with and wants revenge, or when the affair is over and the OW is feeling remorse for what happened and wants to come clean. You will never get the truth as long as the affair is active (or as long as OW thinks there is a 'chance' with MM), because affair partners will say and do whatever is necessary to keep the affair going.
smartgirl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 She is covering for him, herself or both. She has no idea what kind of trouble you might make for her and she doesn't want to find out. You could try to get her fired (most companies frown on this kind of thing), you might sue her, you might tell all her family and friends. In short, she has dozens of reasons to lie to you about an affair and almost no reasons to tell you the truth if one was going on. You have the phone call records. The fact that she tried to tell you she never talked to him on the phone when you have proof to the contrary shows she is lying and not very good at it. Conversely, you H has little reason to say he was having n A if he wasn't. What are you looking for here? More details? My advice is stay away from her. Nothing you hear will make you feel better and in fact, will likely make you feel a whole lot worse.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 She more than likely is inlove with your husband so there's no way she is going to throw him under the bus - Which means their affair is on going. She won't admit to anything and just be aware she's going to tell your husband that you called her. Hire a PI and get the actual proof you need.
herenow Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 At the base of an affair there is a lie. If a person is willing to have an affair in the first place, it would be very easy for them to lie about it when asked. Think about the type of person you are asking and you can better understand that it will be very hard to get the truth from them.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 This is why the OP must consider a PI or ask a friend who her husband doesn't know (that is if she can't afford a PI) to follow him and the OW around. Listen to your gut. If it's telling you he's cheating and you have bits of information that's questionable, the chances are great he IS cheating on you.
JustBreathe Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 She's not your friend. She doesn't have your best interests in mind. You have to be a good liar to carry out a successful affair. Keep that in mind and like WWIU says, trust your instincts.
twice_shy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Well, now that you had a talk with the "alleged" OW, you can now see what kind of correspondence goes on between them. If I were to be accused wrongfully of being an OM, I would have a talk with the woman I was accused of being with and tell her that we only need to talk to each other at work for the sake of work. So both of them WILL have a little talk about your call, whether she is the OW or not. So you can just see what kind of contact he has with her after this.
OWoman Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 You have to be a good liar to carry out a successful affair. I've had several. Without ever having to lie.
JustBreathe Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 OWoman, you sound like one of those types that feels because she wasn't standing in the wife's face lying to her personally that means she wasn't participating in lying to the wife. The old HE was the one that was married, not ME. Pure B.S. It's like saying you stood there and watched and did nothing while somebody took a brick and bashed somebody's head in, even handed him the brick so he could do it, but you didn't have a part in hurting someone. Like I said, it takes a good liar to carry out a successful affair, whether you're lying to yourself, lying to your spouse, or helping somebody else lie.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I've had several. Without ever having to lie. That isn't something to be proud of...
nadiaj2727 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I've had several. Without ever having to lie. Umm good for you? I'm sure you don't honestly feel proud about this fact or you wouldn't be gloating about it on the Internet.
twice_shy Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I've had several. Without ever having to lie. congratulations!!!
JessieT Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Early in the thread someone said that the OW had to be a good liar and it was in the context of a spoken lie to the BW. I am a horrible liar and I would never have been able to stand and lie to the BW. The OW being a good liar is not a given, in the context that it was first presented in. If you want to start talking about lying in the context of being with a married man, well that's off topic for this thread. And if Owoman never had to lie, she wasn't asking for you to condone or not condone what she did, she was only refuting what someone had said earlier. OW do not have to be good liars.
JustBreathe Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 If you go back and read what transpired I was responding to the original poster. I am the one who said cheaters have to be good liars and I maintain that they. Affairs aren't based on truth and honesty, they're based on lies and deception, whether you stand in a BS' face or not. If the OW or OM has the capacity and lack of conscience to sleep around with someone else's spouse, why would they balk at lying to them over the phone? OW interjected and said she had a couple of affairs and never had to lie. I assumed it was a response to MY post and not the original post. So, I am not the one who took this thread off topic, she did. I simply came back and told her why I said it. Sorry if I touched a nerve with you or if you don't agree. That's your prerogative. Having said that I will concede that we are threadjacking here and if you have concerns about what constitutes lying and what doesn't, why not post it on a separate thread?
nadiaj2727 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 If you go back and read what transpired I was responding to the original poster. I am the one who said cheaters have to be good liars and I maintain that they. Affairs aren't based on truth and honesty, they're based on lies and deception, whether you stand in a BS' face or not. If the OW or OM has the capacity and lack of conscience to sleep around with someone else's spouse, why would they balk at lying to them over the phone? OW interjected and said she had a couple of affairs and never had to lie. I assumed it was a response to MY post and not the original post. So, I am not the one who took this thread off topic, she did. I simply came back and told her why I said it. Sorry if I touched a nerve with you or if you don't agree. That's your prerogative. Having said that I will concede that we are threadjacking here and if you have concerns about what constitutes lying and what doesn't, why not post it on a separate thread? Good post Justbreathe. And I would like to add that a person doesn't have to be good at lying to someone's face to be good at deceiving people, including herself. In fact I'd venture that the biggest deceivers are people who are too cowardly to lie to someone's face or do anything out front in the open to someone's face. They want people to think they're good people but in secret they are not doing good things. It follows that they would avoid talking to BS about anything, thus having to lie to her or be forced into telling the truth. They can't tell the truth because the truth makes them look bad. And they can't lie because it makes them feel guilty, since deep down they know what they are doing is wrong. Oh poor OW who can't lie. I'm not going to give them any sympathy, because if they wren't doing something wrong they wouldn't have to lie about it *or* hide it deceptively which to me is just as bad as lying and even more cowardly.
Owl Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Hmmm.... Here's the thing. Owoman may well have not had to lie...directly. If she never knew/never met MM's wife or family, and her own friends and family were accepting of her conducting affairs with MM, then she could have been open and honest with her own family, and avoided ever having to deal with MM's wife or family. I believe that in her case, she may have actually met members of OM's extended family, and they actually accepted her as a replacement for his wife...even though he was/is still married to his wife. So she's not had to lie. Being surrounded by people who condone affairs will let an OM/OW avoid that situation. Avoiding actually interfacing at all with the BS would also have to be part of that. Its sort of a lie by omission...only what was omitted was actually dealing with anyone who cared about what was going on. This doesn't work when the BS happens to know the OM/OW, or have any reason to interact with them in any fashion. It also won't work if the OM/OW deal with anyone in their lives who don't condone cheating. But it can happen...I just imagine that its going to be an uncommon exception to what normally occurs.
jenniferc1114 Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I got the same reply the 1st time I confronted the OW. Is she married? If so, threaten to show her husband the phone bills till she answers your questions again correctly. If not, threaten to inform her boss. If you have copies of the phone records, present them to her. Most liars will continue lying till the proof is presented in their face. The thing is I "wanted" to believe the OW when she told me nothing physical had happened between her and my husband. When you want to hear the lie, you'll believe it. Don't make my mistake....keep confronting her.
JustBreathe Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 OW lied to me also. Maybe that's why I keep checking this thread. I pretended I was him and intercepted a IM meant for him to read, not his wife. I figured her out in about 5 minutes, phoned up my H who denied it all, then tracked her down through a work acquaintance of his (she had quit that job and was working somewhere else). Within 10 minutes, I had her phone number and called her. Whereupon she proceed to lie through her teeth that their relationship wasn't physical, that they just flirted alot. She said their "romantic" relationship, while never physical, was only 3 months long. Uh-huh. They worked together for over 5 years. 6 months later my H tells me the truth. Or at least as much of it as he's going to tell. She had totally lied. Relationship had been physical. They had sex all over the place.
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