sedgwick Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 (edited) I just had a professional crisis of sorts. Nothing to do with the book I just turned in, but everything to do with the next one. It's not hopeless but it's a big-ass obstacle. I had a little twinge of wanting to run to the ex for support, but quickly found myself thinking, "I support myself now." I have proven to myself that there's pretty much nothing I can't do. I've overcome obstacles bigger than this. I recognize that for whatever reason, the universe needs to teach me some lessons about being alone right now. I know that I will come out of this a much stronger person. I already am a stronger person than I was eight months ago. I'm sadder, but I'm stronger. Still, please...any words of encouragement you can throw my way...tell me about surviving something without giving in to the urge to call your ex. Thanks for being here, you guys (and "mates" to the Brits and Aussies*, I love you both.) Maybe I'm pathetic depending on this internet community right now but I don't know what I'd do without you. We will all be better people for going through this. Of that I am certain. *met up with gang of crazy aussies in mexico and had a great time. these particular folks had many a late-night cigarette with me and consoled me over this breakup. never met one of your countrymen i didn't like. cheers. Edited March 14, 2008 by sedgwick
frd150 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Hey Sedg, Its funny how it works sometimes. She was the first person that I would call when anything of significance would happen,litterally anything and wether or not she had an answer it was nice to have her listening. It was different with her,different than other girls. So I miss that. So the funny thing is she now calls me when anything of significance happens to her. Im her first phone call litterally. So now for me there had to be some adjustment. I now call moms or a good buddy. Just some adjustments. I hope you feel not so sad soon and I hope you find the answers to your crisis.
CaliGuy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Gotta love those Aussies. Good peeps, almost every single one of them I have met. Kinda makes me wish I lived there. All I can tell you is that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. What you are going through now is an experience that will last a lifetime, build your confidence and self-esteem and help you weed out losers in the future. Not sure what the book issue is, but take some "ME" time to relax. I would even suggest a massage Those always make me feel better!
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Hugs to you, Sedg! Let's see...times when I have needed support...well, I was in love with a man that treated me like crap. I had a problem with my scholarship in the school I was attending because I had gotten arrested 2 years prior for smoking marijuana in a dorm room with friends. My scholarship was no longer valid, so I had to leave school. I had many friends there but I was going through a bout of depression because many people in my life weren't treating me right and I felt that I had not many to turn to. At that time, I left the town of my school since I wouldn't be able to graduate from there anyway, even though the semester was not over. I did not tell him I was leaving and did not talk to him until months later, when he contacted me. During that time, it was hard not to contact him because, for whatever reason, I greatly admired him. I had to realize he didn't respect me so he would be of no help for me to get through this situation. He thinks that I have graduated because I never contacted him when I left that semester and I haven't an interest in filling him in on the details of my life. ****er.
ninjaturtles Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Hey Sedg, I think this is one of the hardest things about being alone...the lack of support from your SO. It is definitely something I know a lot of people have struggled with. This may sound cliche, but this is as hard as it gets. You are a fighter, you have done so well, you maintained NC for such a long time, you have held your dignity so high (and he will know this). You WILL become a stronger person. In the past, my Ex was like my best friend. I could tell him any and everything. Most esp when we had family problems..problems I could not share with anyone. Well, after the break up, I went through a few issues and of course I desperately wanted to call him. I felt i needed him so bad at that moment. It hurt so much and truly I felt the pain of the breakup. However, I retstrained myself. I had come so far (with regards to NC) I was going to be strong. Sedg, I think that this breakup is going to teach to you learn how to be alone, how to work things out alone, how to dependent on your yourself only. If you did contact him, I am positive he would be happy to hear from you. I mean, you have handled the breakup so much and you were so good to him. You must have left so many good memories and I am sure he knows and thinks that you are amazing person. However, as hard it may be, you need to realise that learning to be alone and living that way, is one of the best traits anyone can develop. I have become so much stronger as a result of the breakup and you will too. You will find love again...(even though you may not be able to fathom it). You will look back one day as thank the stars for allowing to become a stronger person . What you have learnt from this breakup, will reflect in your future relationships. Finally, whem and if he decides to contact you, he knows where to find you. Keep moving foward...Dont look back..No one said it will be easy... Stay strong.xxx
ninjaturtles Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Finally, Once I survived the urge, I atually felt really proud of myself. As I said earlier, this is as hard as it gets. Ps- Speaking to men really does help. They talk so much sense...dont they?
EllaDerSpin Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I can completely relate today. Something has upset me over the past few days and I am considering calling the ex today. Also I am unwell and it would be really nice to have a partner to be cosy with. I have not spoken to him for months, but I think I am going to call. He may not speak to me and he may have a new girlfriend. There is somebody else who I am getting to know and like, but we do not know each other well enough that I would call him for something like this. I have lots of friends but it just isn't quite the same is it.
Author sedgwick Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) If you did contact him, I am positive he would be happy to hear from you. I mean, you have handled the breakup so much and you were so good to him. You must have left so many good memories and I am sure he knows and thinks that you are amazing person I wish that were true. I sincerely doubt he even remembers me. I think that's how inconsequential I was to him. I think he flitted away from this breakup without a care in the world, and, based on his not even being able to contact me to acknowledge my finishing the book, I believe that if he does remember me, he either hates me (though I still can't figure out what I did wrong, despite months of driving myself insane trying) or he just thinks I'm boring and worthless because I'm not a musician. But quite honestly, I really think he probably just doesn't remember me at all. I'm sure he's with his fiddle player and has become the perfect boyfriend to her because she's good enough for him, whereas I wasn't. But thanks for the good thoughts. I do wish the things you say could be true. I wish he did see me as an amazing person with a lot of dignity. I think it must just be so easy for him to get girls who love him totally and unconditionally that I'm just a dime a dozen. I guess that happens for some people. He's amazing; he totally deserves it. Whoever ends up being good enough for him is going to be such a lucky girl. He told me I was the only person who had ever told him they loved him unconditionally in his life, but he was either lying (like he lied about everything else, including loving me) or it simply didn't matter because it was just me and he needed it to come from someone important (ie, a musician.) I'd like to flatter myself into thinking that he thinks of me once in a while, but I know that just simply isn't true. I was nothing to him and I understand that now. I can't imagine ever finding the self-confidence to be attracted to someone again. It is much safer to just accept that I don't have anything anyone could want and gracefully take myself out of the dating game. I just don't want to bother anybody anymore. Spin, do you need to vent here? Don't contact him if it will set you back. You can talk here all you want. Edited March 15, 2008 by sedgwick
EllaDerSpin Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Thanks Sedge, I decided against contacting him. I know I would be using him, perhaps if he agreed to come over he would be using me too, and the whole thing wouldn't be any good for either of us. It is better not to create any mess and just get over this thing without him. To make myself feel better though I just spoke to a mutual friend of me and my new infatuation. She thinks that we are perfect for each other. He is lovely
EllaDerSpin Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I'd like to flatter myself into thinking that he thinks of me once in a while, but I know that just simply isn't true. I was nothing to him and I understand that now. I can't imagine ever finding the self-confidence to be attracted to someone again. It is much safer to just accept that I don't have anything anyone could want and gracefully take myself out of the dating game. I just don't want to bother anybody anymore. So what if he thinks of you or not Sedge. Like everyone in the world some people have loved you and thought of you all the time and others have thought nothing of you, yet you are the same person that all of those people met. At some point you will stop being in awe of this guy and realise he is pretty similar to most people including you.
Author sedgwick Posted March 15, 2008 Author Posted March 15, 2008 I wish I could stop thinking he's so amazing. I've been beating myself up nonstop for 8 months now trying to figure out what I could have done to be good enough for him, thinking this is my fault, etc. And all I can come up with is that what I do isn't as good as being a musician. How wonderful that you have a new crush! Have a great time with him. You deserve it.
EllaDerSpin Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I do understand. A couple of guys I thought I wasn't good enough for I still see sometimes, and realise how much I built them up just because they rejected me. I realise that when I dated them I was not feeling good about myself, and I am sure they picked up on that. It wasn't because I wasn't good enough but because I didn't think I was at that time in my life. Thankyou There wont be anything happening fast with the crush. I really want to spend lots of time as friends first. It will be difficult though. I like him alot.
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