lijolani Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Just a bit of background....I left my husband 2 years ago and are divorced. I am with my lovely partner and we have a baby together. Both my partner and I have children from our first marriage. My ex husband earns minimal money and has been in the same position for 8 years with little hope of ever being promoted as he has no qualifications, motivation nor is there anywhere to move within this company. I am not working atm due to having a small baby and so my partner is supporting myself and my children and our baby together (and also his kids from 1st marriage). He was unable to get work in our state due to being in a speciallised field.His contract expired from a position and he was looking at not having a job and having 6 kids to support!!!!!! He managd to secure a top job in senior management earning great money but it is in another state. We asked my ex about taking my kids with us but of course he was not in agreeance. Fast forward to now (6mths later), my partner has moved to take up this great job otherwise he would have lost his job, and I am awaiting a court date, due to be heard in a couple of months time to ask the courts' permission to take my kids with us. We have a great proposal for my exh to see the kids every holidays and all important times eg xmas, birthdays etc. We will foot all the expense and have also put together a mobile, computer etc so that the kids will maintain a meaningful relationship with their Dad. In the meantime, a very good friend of mine has decided that she doesn't AGREE with this and that I am a terrible mother to take the kids away from their Dad. My ex has been running around our comunity bad mouthing me to others, he has also told lies and is telling people I am mentally abusing the kids ie turning them against him. My GF never spoke to me about it but has decided to side with him. (just a note, exh has a poor relationship with our eldest child which has nothing to do with me but he blames me for everything). She has recently sent me two abusive text messages and I have heard from other people that she is telling people things she has no evidence of and has been developing a bit of a group of people who she is turning against me. Some people are too scared to speak to me in case she sees.... it is such childish rubbish!!! A bit of background on her.... she is VERY unhappy. Her husband and her cheat on each other all the time and they both know about the other's affairs. Her husband is entrenched in her family business and her parents have told her that if she leaves him she will never be welcomed in her family again...her way of coping with this is to constantly have one night stands etc. She has tried to leave her husband but came back as her parent's threats upset her. She told me she doesn't love him and he repulses her. On the outside they seem a perfect couple and they seem happy but I know how she really feels. I feel sorry for her but if she wants to fix things it is up to her. When I left my exh she told me I was so lucky... What do you guys think?? I know she is jealous and she is so judgemental (she doesn't even have any facts). My personal life isnt even any of her business! I have decided to cut her out of my life but it hurts soo much especially that she has taken it upon herself to go around recruiting people to side with her!
reddog63 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Just a bit of background....I left my husband 2 years ago and are divorced. I am with my lovely partner and we have a baby together. Both my partner and I have children from our first marriage. My ex husband earns minimal money and has been in the same position for 8 years with little hope of ever being promoted as he has no qualifications, motivation nor is there anywhere to move within this company. I am not working atm due to having a small baby and so my partner is supporting myself and my children and our baby together (and also his kids from 1st marriage). He was unable to get work in our state due to being in a speciallised field.His contract expired from a position and he was looking at not having a job and having 6 kids to support!!!!!! He managd to secure a top job in senior management earning great money but it is in another state. We asked my ex about taking my kids with us but of course he was not in agreeance. Fast forward to now (6mths later), my partner has moved to take up this great job otherwise he would have lost his job, and I am awaiting a court date, due to be heard in a couple of months time to ask the courts' permission to take my kids with us. We have a great proposal for my exh to see the kids every holidays and all important times eg xmas, birthdays etc. We will foot all the expense and have also put together a mobile, computer etc so that the kids will maintain a meaningful relationship with their Dad. In the meantime, a very good friend of mine has decided that she doesn't AGREE with this and that I am a terrible mother to take the kids away from their Dad. My ex has been running around our comunity bad mouthing me to others, he has also told lies and is telling people I am mentally abusing the kids ie turning them against him. My GF never spoke to me about it but has decided to side with him. (just a note, exh has a poor relationship with our eldest child which has nothing to do with me but he blames me for everything). She has recently sent me two abusive text messages and I have heard from other people that she is telling people things she has no evidence of and has been developing a bit of a group of people who she is turning against me. Some people are too scared to speak to me in case she sees.... it is such childish rubbish!!! A bit of background on her.... she is VERY unhappy. Her husband and her cheat on each other all the time and they both know about the other's affairs. Her husband is entrenched in her family business and her parents have told her that if she leaves him she will never be welcomed in her family again...her way of coping with this is to constantly have one night stands etc. She has tried to leave her husband but came back as her parent's threats upset her. She told me she doesn't love him and he repulses her. On the outside they seem a perfect couple and they seem happy but I know how she really feels. I feel sorry for her but if she wants to fix things it is up to her. When I left my exh she told me I was so lucky... What do you guys think?? I know she is jealous and she is so judgemental (she doesn't even have any facts). My personal life isnt even any of her business! I have decided to cut her out of my life but it hurts soo much especially that she has taken it upon herself to go around recruiting people to side with her! no, you dont take the kids away from their dad. Ohh, and you will foot all his bills to travel and visit??? How long do you think that will last? Friend? If she is taking it to the crazy level , then I dont agree. I can see someone having a strong opinion that what your doing is very wrong...........and could decide that she doesnt want to be friends anymore with someone who can do that...........but she shoudnt be getting nasty about it. And side comment.......I do not know how some of you people do it............just reading......kids from first marriage, kids together......his kids........lord, sounds like a mess.
Author lijolani Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Thanks for your reply.... I guess you are judging me too!! I don't know how you are supposed to support 6 kids??? My exh earns minimal money. By giving the children a better life... a private education, opportunities that they would never get here and be able to see their Dad it is the best option. We have thought about it long and hard it wasn't a decision that we took in 2 minutes. My exh has the right to move anywhere he wants and I can't force him to stay here! I am the primary caregiver and the one responsible mainly to pay for my kids.... my baby also has a right to be with his Dad don't you think???? And as for the cost comment??? Well it goes on for ever really... my edlsedst child has three years til he can decide if he wants to spend time with his Dad but the others? They will be seeing their Dad til they can choose. But the main point I was wanting advise on is... about my friend. She can agree or disagree on my personal life, hell I never agreed on her personal life, but I never judged her for it. I was still her friend. As far as how do we do it?? Well, life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to does it? My partner and I are VERY happy and our kids are well adjusted nice kids who all get along very well. I think I am lucky.
Ronni_W Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 If it is important enough to you, I would suggest that you speak with your friend from the position of having heard some nasty rumours about her behaviour, and wanting to find out if it is true. If she says that she has indeed done what you've heard about, then ask her why she felt the need to go about it that way. As you must realize, she (and others) have the right to their own opinions about whatever they want to have opinions. For me, the point is WHY does she also feel the need to get so many others to AGREE with her opinion on anything, especially when she's not directly involved? Do not get into conversations of what you are planning or why you are planning it -- that just isn't relevant to HOW she has been treating you. You do not need to defend your position and decisions to those who are, and always will be, nothing but disinterested third parties. At the same time, you gave one heckuva lot of background that isn't relevant to getting advice on your former friend's hostile behaviour. Information that you ought to have known would open yourself up to further judgment...Are you perhaps judging yourself by these very facts? As you have explained it, the move is an economic necessity. You and your current partner have an obligation to those 6 children, to ensure that they will have their needs for shelter, food, clothing and health care met. Do not judge yourself, and do not let others judge you, just because you have your priorities in the right place!
Jade 02 Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 I wish you all the luck,I agree the kids having a grat education,and seeing dad on all those special days,and prabably then some. Good luck,lijolani
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