Addicus Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Looking for opinions..mostly to einforce what I need to do...a littel background. I met a my ex over 2 years ago. We went on a couple of dates but she decided to go with the otehr woman she was dating. I went total NC..heard fromher a few times last year out of the blue. She would then disappear as quick as she appeared. Come end of 2007 I get an email out of the blue wanting to get together..we did..jumped into a crazy relationship.....great connection, great attraction, then out of the blue she said there is no sexual chemistry. She can't figure it out, being so connected and attracted ....however, she was ending it and I said see ya...we did email a few times and she said that what we had was amazing but withour the sexual connection all we had was a friendship. She wanted to be friends, asked me to dinner..I reluctantly went (should always listen to your head!) We had a great time...she flirted...the next day i said it was a mixed message, she said that is how she 'goof's' around with friends. It didn't work for me and I said I needed space to get centered. Deleted from cell...easily did 37 days of NC. She totally respected my wish..which I knew she would....I also knew that once I felt the boundary had served it's purpose I would remove it. I am pretty centered..am I over her and would I be OK seeing her with someone else..no..not yet! I sent her an email today Hi, thank you for respecting my need for space. I hope all is well. Warmest regards_______ She responded: Of Course I will continue to let you determine the amount of contact we should have. BTW I still have your GS cookies if you want them..... Warmly........ I replied..I would love them and you can decide how to get them to me, mail them, drop them off or we can meet and do something fun..... I am just wondering what your thoughts are about her contact......I know that she still wants a friendship and most likely nothing else...chemistry is not there and apparently according to experts it never will be???? My crazy knee jerk reaction is that if she is not willing to put equal effort into it then there is no friendship. AM I seing it as black and white when really she may be being more respectful to me so that I do not have to go NC again and disappear. Should I just can the whole thing and go back to NC. I do not plan on sending anything else...the ball is in her court....I am not going to chase! And yes...I am taking care of myself and moving forward.
carhill Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 IMO, as long as you can't see her as just a friend (with no potential intimate connection), I'd continue NC. The tone of your post suggests this. That said, if you can get to that place (past any attraction you have for her), you can likely resume the friendship and, IMO, anything can happen. You might find your positions reversed, who knows? From what you related, she sounds like a decent, polite, caring person. Good to have as a friend
Author Addicus Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 carhill Thanks for your reply...she is a good eprson..our break-up was clean, and very respectful...I guess I really don;t have to do anything...if I choose to work on a friendship then I can take my time if not I have already taken some more space anyway......you are right...we never know what may happen..but I need to get to a place where I have really let go...I think it isn't too far away!
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