ps123 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 So, I’ve been dating this person for about 6 months. I like her a lot but I think I can honestly say I’m not in love with her yet. I guess I feel like I should be at this point but I’m not sure. We’ve had discussions about it and she knows she has stronger feelings for me than I do for her, but she also knows I can’t force something that’s not there. Anyways, part of me feels like I should end things with her. It just doesn’t seem fair to keep stringing this along when I’m not sure how I feel about her. We’re in our late 30’s so time is somewhat of a factor for her (she wants kids and I think I do too). I really care about her and knowing that I’m going to hurt her if I end things is REALLY hard for me. Even though she knows I’m not where she is, I still think it would come as a pretty big shock if I just up and ended things with no warning whatsoever so I’m not really sure what to do. If I end it, I’m planning on doing it at face to face at her place some night. I know there’s no easy way to do it, and no matter what, I know I’m going to hurt her. I guess I was just wondering if there were things I could do to kind of lead up to this, or if I should just do it with no warning or anything. Any advice is appreciated.
aln186 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Hurt her now or wait and hurt her later after things have escalated to the point where, the "out" isn't so easy? I understand not wanting to hurt someone, I'm the same way but it's the only responsible thing to do in this case. That's not to say it has to be painful... of course, there's no way around it but she'll move on and be better off in the long run. I'm thinking you should sit down with her and tell her what you said here. I'd give anything if my recent Ex had just agreed to sit down, discuss why things didn't work out, say goodbye and go our separate ways but I got none of that. It's all about how you address the situation... be tactful. You're already mindful of her feelings and that's always a huge plus. Handle it with kid gloves and everything should go fine. You'll both be better off for the effort. Good luck.
malaclypse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 So, I’ve been dating this person for about 6 months. I like her a lot but I think I can honestly say I’m not in love with her yet. I guess I feel like I should be at this point but I’m not sure. We’ve had discussions about it and she knows she has stronger feelings for me than I do for her, but she also knows I can’t force something that’s not there. Anyways, part of me feels like I should end things with her. It just doesn’t seem fair to keep stringing this along when I’m not sure how I feel about her. We’re in our late 30’s so time is somewhat of a factor for her (she wants kids and I think I do too). I really care about her and knowing that I’m going to hurt her if I end things is REALLY hard for me. Even though she knows I’m not where she is, I still think it would come as a pretty big shock if I just up and ended things with no warning whatsoever so I’m not really sure what to do. If I end it, I’m planning on doing it at face to face at her place some night. I know there’s no easy way to do it, and no matter what, I know I’m going to hurt her. I guess I was just wondering if there were things I could do to kind of lead up to this, or if I should just do it with no warning or anything. Any advice is appreciated. Be a man. It's so simple.
LuCidiTy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 ...I guess I feel like I should be at this point but I’m not sure... ...part of me... ...I know there’s no easy way to do it, and no matter what, I know I’m going to hurt her. ... Any advice is appreciated. why is it you feel like you should be at some point? love doesn't follow a timetable. there's no set pattern. do you enjoy each other? is there a rush to get somewhere? are you interested in someone else? ready to be alone again? or start looking again? is she? you say age and starting a family is "a factor." is she pressuring you? are you sure it's over? sounds like that may be the case. six months can seem like forever but it's not that long a time in the grand scheme of things. some people...maybe too many people...rush things or expect things too soon...i know because i've been there myself and people tell me this all the time. then again...when you know, you know. i guess in any love relationship, the trick is both falling into the same place at the same time or both getting there eventually. if you know for sure you never will, cut it. if you think there still might be a chance, hang in there with more of the same honestly but be clear about it. maybe a break is what you need to see if you miss her. that can be handled in an adult manner to avoid hurt feelings. not an easy place to be, is it? hell i don't know.
Sheclectica Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You might send her a "We need to talk" message the day before. That way she'll get the idea and have some time to adjust to it first. No warning is just cruel. As has been said, just handle it with kid gloves, tell her what you told us, and be an adult about it.
LuCidiTy Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You might send her a "We need to talk" message the day before. That way she'll get the idea and have some time to adjust to it first. No warning is just cruel. As has been said, just handle it with kid gloves, tell her what you told us, and be an adult about it. that's like torture.
City_girl Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You have to end it for her sake. If you sit her down tell her that you care for her and want her to be happy. You respect her enough to let her go because it's not there. Whatever you do don't let her be reduced to a sex buddy if you do split. Make a quick clean break
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 OP, I'm curious. Have you ever been in love with someone? I don't mean infatuation, but rather where their existence is an extension of your own? It sounds like the two of you have good communication skills so make use of that and talk about where things are now. It's a pretty special feeling to know you inspire someone who freely gives you their love, so I'd be interested to hear how that conversation goes. As one poster inferred, love and being in love doesn't follow a timetable. Its quality, quantity, and progression are unique every time. I think, as long as the two of you are honest with each other, the continuation or end of your relationship can be a positive thing. It certainly won't be "easy". I wish you well
sedgwick Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I don't see from your post what's wrong with her. But if you think you can't be with her, tell her and make sure she knows in no uncertain terms that it's over and you won't be speaking to her again. Don't do what mine did and break it off suddenly and then just disappear, when I thought things were great. At least you care whether or not you hurt her. That's more than I can say for mine -- I think he just took off without a care in the world and never gave me another thought.
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