Classy Lady Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 My story is hurtful but here it goes. I met my MM 3 1/2 years ago. He was/is married to a woman 25 years older than him. He had it very hard with his ex wife to the point he fought & won total custody from her, he found himself alone at 30 with a 6 & 8 years olds, and he claims she his current W helped him. She is very well economically, very. To make a long story short I met him we fell in love been together. After our 2nd year together he left the house, the kids now teenagers stayed with her, he moved 15 minutes away into his own house. Everything was great for us (so I thought). I met all his family including his kids as he did mine. This past Xmas eve he gave me an engagement ring (divorce papers almost done), I wa so happy; Just to have him leave me 2 days later claiming he could not do it, he had to go back because finacially he could not do it alone. He went back to his W. I was devasteded, but 1 month later I'm back with him. I love him so much I dont know how to let go. He says he loves me with all his heart and will show me if I can hold on for a few months, he is a good man to me & mine. She the W knows about me, but I dont think she knows were still together. Please what should I do? Im hurting to become jis mistress again after I was his GF, now I'm at back at square one. Is he ever going to leave her? He says she and him have an understanding is only to get him back on his feet, no relationship. Should I believe him? Should I stay? If not how can I let go?
MimiMe Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 And understanding until he gets back on his feet? How can anyone get back on their feet being held by the hand?? Sounds confusing. What is his goal? Children to hit 18 or something? There's gotta be a plan, no?
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 It sounds more like his wife has become a surrogate mother figure to him as well as his children from his previous divorce. Chances are, he has become far too dependant on her and can’t make it on his own without someone stepping in to fill her shoes. Problem is ... it makes for a pretty unbalanced (and unromantic) marital situation but a boy will always need a mommy and home to go back to when he feels unsafe. Unfortunately, it seems this woman is raising three adopted teenagers instead of two. Meanwhile, you represent the passionate and romantic side of the relationship equation that he doesn’t get from his marriage. But you aren’t able to provide and take care of him in the same financial and emotional capacity ... nor is he in an equal position to partner you. My guess is ... unless he somehow grows up within next few months and learns to take care of himself, he’ll not leave the comforts of home and will be happy to continue Frankensteining his idea of a perfect mate by stealing the best parts from both of you. At least until one of you ladies finally cuts his apron strings.
Author Classy Lady Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Thank you ladies. I know what your saying is the truth, and it's upto me to let go, but its just easier said than done. I know your words of encouragement can finally help me make the dicision my mind keeps telling me to make, but my heart keeps stopping me from making it.
Jess-Belle Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Yes, what Enigma said! BTW, 'Frankensteining'... brilliant!
nadiaj2727 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Wow classylady I am really sorry to hear about this. I feel sad for you that he almost divorced her, proposed to you, and is now back with you. That must have broken your heart. Please don't let him break it anymore. Don't settle for second best. You deserve so much better. I feel for you. He obviously can't make up his mind what he wants, but with his actions he has chosen to go back to her. So let him do that and try to move on without him. (hugs)
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I was devasteded, but 1 month later I'm back with him. Please what should I do? Im hurting to become jis mistress again after I was his GF, now I'm at back at square one. I'm really sorry for your circumstances, but you should not have let him come back after that...You deserve better and now he knows that he can treat you however he wants and you'll accept it... You should go NC...Then you'll see what he's made of...
phoenixgirl Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You're right, Classy Lady - sounds like mine in that he moved out, we were together, and now it's the whole "I have to go back to get back on my feet financially, it's only temporary" thing. Yeah right. Since the last time I posted in my other thread, I've been doing really well at NC. Before that, I had made sure that he understood that I'm through being OW - not for him, but for me. If he had chosen me, it might have been different, but he's choosing to move back home (for whatever reason), and the fact that he hasn't done it yet doesn't change my mind in that respect. Even thinking about doing it means that you don't think I'm worth the effort. I think the only reason he feels like he "loves" me is because emotionally he felt like he was getting something from me that he wasn't getting from his W at the time we started our A. He keeps trying to break NC, but I won't let him. And it's p***ing him off... but oh well. I've suffered too much in the last year and a half, two years with him. I've sacrificed and been selfless and made so many excuses for his behavior - like my therapist said, it's time for me to start being selfish!
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 You go Phoenixgirl! It's a natural consequence...He does "A" and you do "B"...
Recommended Posts