melusine71 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Yes indeedy, today we have been married for nine years. Of course, it's just a piece of paper now. I wish I were as wonderfully healthy as some of the other LS-ers but I hate the son of a bitch. I'm still really tempted to call him but mostly I've just been thinking about my kids a lot and focusing on getting my sh*t together. I went today and talked with my daughter's therapist for about an hour and a half about how to be a better mother. My kids deserve the best and when I absolutely hate, cannot speak to or even email their father, that's bad for them. So I have a GOAL in mind to reach a point where I can nix all this reactivity and have a decent relationship with him. The thing is, that is going to be HARD. Because n retrospect, we've always had a crappy relationship. I mean, I loved him deeply and there was a lot of fire there but we were so mean to each other. I feel like that, and all noble, compassionate and sh*t and the SOB does something horrid like have my mobile phone (we shared a plan) disconnected. I'm the one with the two kids who NEEDS a mobile. It's not my little black book. UUUuugggghhhh! So I have a long way to go before my heart quiets down and I can speak to him without anger. Especially today. I admit, I was hoping to see if he called or if he had dropped me a line. No. Ok. He didn't get me anything for our anniversary last year and we were still living together then, why would he acknowledge it now, when he's with someone else and I'm out of sight out of mind? unless he "has" to deal with me and then it always :(sucks.
Author melusine71 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 stupid. I'm always stupid when it comes to him. He treated me like utter sh*t. I emailed him a photo that my daughter took of himself making this really scary face and sent him the lyrics to a Who song called Blue Eyes. Because the first time he had an affair he played that song and felt all sorry for himself all the time. He was struggling to come to terms with being scum, I guess. Lot of good it did. I'm sure I won't hear anythingfrom him now. He told me he would never speak to me again. He CALLED me to tell me he would never speak to me again. And he's a stubborn bastard. This is HELL. I wish I didn't love him anymore. I'm not a religious person but I have literally begged god to take this from me. Help me guys.
Author melusine71 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 He called. Yes, to talk to the kids, yes, strictly business-- a little rude & pushy. But he never calls. And he called today of all days. And he was wondering about staying this weekend. I said no. But for the day he can come and take the kids. At least it's not just me being obsessive and a complete freak. At least I know that he's still choking on it, just like me. Why is love so fuc*ing awful? I'm going to get over this. But I feel better. It's so crazy!!!! My amazing family has filled my house with fresh cut flowers.
MS.B Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Do you still miss him. How long were you guys married?
Recommended Posts