thez4 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 (edited) Hey, i've been talking with a 15 year old girl and im 19. at first i wanted a relationship but later i realized it probably wouldnt be possible right now, especially wtih my work schedule. i dont talk to her much and right now im just friends with her, but every time i am talking to her which isnt that often at the moment, people tell me thats VERY close to the "boundries" and its jailbait and stuff and how thats pedophile junk. but is it honestly? i would in no way do any of the sexual stuff just because i dont want to get in trouble myself or to get her in trouble as well with her parents and im not looking to just "get into her pants". i would much rather have a serious relationship with her or anyone where we can do other things instead of sex. dont get me wrong, it'd be nice, but its not something necesarily that im needing right now. i know its illegal to have sexual relations but is it really illegal to date her or do anything else besides sex? she might be 3 1/2 years younger than me and at the ages right now that seems a little wierd from 19 and only 15 years old, but is it really THAT bad to make people freak out about it? i would never do anything to break her heart and i really like to just talk to her. i dont need/want all the sexual stuff to have a good relationship. what exactly should i do? you might not understand some of the stuff im trying to say but i just woke up so its the best i can get:D any help or suggestions would be great. thanks Edited March 13, 2008 by thez4
Lishy Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I think you need to stay away from a 15 year old! You have no business with her and if she was my daughter and you dated her I would kill you!
JamesM Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 There is an old saying..... "Sixteen will get you twenty. I think that would apply to a fifteen year old as well. You may think you can stay away from sex, but if you don't then you could b e prosecuted. Won't happen? Think parents. And if you are suspected of showing her porn or pictures of yourself, then again, this crosses the boundary. Oh, and if you sent sexually explicit text messages or emails...this can get you jail time. Safe bet....wait until she is eighteen or move on to a girl who is age appropriate.
Author thez4 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 so everyone would agree it would just be better to be friends with her until shes 18 and not pursue any type of relationship with her at the moment?
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 so everyone would agree it would just be better to be friends with her until shes 18 and not pursue any type of relationship with her at the moment? Yes. You said you just like talking to her - well you can just be friends and talk to her. If you get into a relationship you realy run the risk of taking things to a sexual level.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Yes. You said you just like talking to her - well you can just be friends and talk to her. If you get into a relationship you really run the risk of taking things to a sexual level. Agreed! the age difference is just to dynamic at the moment be her friend if you must but control yourself. If its meant to be then the feeling will still be there once shes 18. And who knows people also change as they get older as well. Better to see how she matures before getting involved no?
Citizen Erased Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 so everyone would agree it would just be better to be friends with her until shes 18 and not pursue any type of relationship with her at the moment? Yes. Let her have what is left of her childhood. She is not ready at 15 for a relationship with an adult, she needs to experience "love" with boys her own age. If when she is 18 you both feel there is something there, then sure go for it of course. I can guarantee you that nothing good could ever come from this relationship right now.
NuTuDating Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Definitely NOT a good idea. The ONLY situation in which this would be appropriate is if you had grown up knowing her parents and they really liked you. Even then, I'm hard pressed to think that the parents would go for this.
Potatocakes Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Eh I don't know about this one.. I can't say to stay away romantically from this one because my boyfriend was 19 and me barely 16 when we started dating. Mine and his relationship was looked down upon in the begining but now that I'm 17 and we've been together for so long they don't mind anymore. I don't regret it at all even though he did just want me for sex. Plus in our state its illegal if its over three years age difference but we have the same birthday so its not illegal.. It could be dangerous but if you really have feelings for her it can turn into something great but I don't know the girl or how immature she is so its hard to say.
Phateless Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 theZ4 - the sooner you admit to yourself that you're only talking to her because you're having trouble with girls your own age, the better. you need to work on yourself and meet some girls your own age that are interested.
Ciara Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Some of the responses here are very judgemental. "only talking to her because you're having trouble with girls your own age"? How silly. Let me counterbalance them with my own story. When I was 15, I got involved with a 19-year-old boy. He was my best friend for over a year, and he was kind, gentle and respectful. We never did more than kiss, but emotionally we were very intimate. My parents cautiously allowed it provided we stayed under their roof, and he made a point of getting to know my family, just having a coffee and chatting to them, etc., and following all of their rules. The result is that seven years later, now he's 25, going on 26, and I'm 22, we're still together. I'm extremely happy; the only people I've ever known to have such a strong relationship, founded on as much respect and friendship, are my parents. If you really care about her, and you are willing to respect the legal boundaries involved, go for it with this girl. My story is generally the exception to the rule. Most teenage relationships won't work out. But that doesn't mean it's not even worth trying, and some do work out. Just respect her family, and beware of the position you may put her in if they oppose the match.
Phateless Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Some of the responses here are very judgemental. "only talking to her because you're having trouble with girls your own age"? How silly. Let me counterbalance them with my own story. When I was 15, I got involved with a 19-year-old boy. He was my best friend for over a year, and he was kind, gentle and respectful. We never did more than kiss, but emotionally we were very intimate. My parents cautiously allowed it provided we stayed under their roof, and he made a point of getting to know my family, just having a coffee and chatting to them, etc., and following all of their rules. The result is that seven years later, now he's 25, going on 26, and I'm 22, we're still together. I'm extremely happy; the only people I've ever known to have such a strong relationship, founded on as much respect and friendship, are my parents. If you really care about her, and you are willing to respect the legal boundaries involved, go for it with this girl. My story is generally the exception to the rule. Most teenage relationships won't work out. But that doesn't mean it's not even worth trying, and some do work out. Just respect her family, and beware of the position you may put her in if they oppose the match. I'm glad things worked out for you. I am also glad that you aware that your situation is the exception to the rule. I dunno, for me, his post just screamed inexperience. When I was 19 I would never have dated a 15 year old. Too drastic of a difference in maturity, place in life, etc. If he really likes her, he should go ahead, but my gut tells me that if there were a cute and cool girl his own age in the picture, he would forget all about the 15 year old.
Kiss Dont Miss Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Thez4, don't listen to what others talk about. Listen to your heart. Try to be friends with that girl, then when some time is passed and you get to know each better, you can talk it over with her. This will surely make things clearer. Wish all teh best to you! P. S. don't you really matter about sex? Honestly
NuTuDating Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 My brother married his middle school sweetheart three years ago. He's 3 years older. Now he's 27 and she's 24.
Ciara Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I'm glad things worked out for you. I am also glad that you aware that your situation is the exception to the rule. I dunno, for me, his post just screamed inexperience. When I was 19 I would never have dated a 15 year old. Too drastic of a difference in maturity, place in life, etc. If he really likes her, he should go ahead, but my gut tells me that if there were a cute and cool girl his own age in the picture, he would forget all about the 15 year old. Aye, it's possible that he would. And it's possible that he will, when such a girl comes along. Then again, maybe there's something about this girl in particular that's hooked him. It depends on the 15-year-old I suppose. Some fairly young teenagers have been through a lot that's wizened them beyond their years (that was me when I first met my partner, not for all good reasons), and some 19-year-olds are still pretty... young at heart! That said, I do think the approval of her family, or whoever's responsible for her welfare -- even if it's reluctant approval -- is important. He should back off if he doesn't get it, which he may well not, because not that many parents will be thrilled by the idea. But some at least may operate under the same theory as mine did: That it's better to have it happen where you can keep an eagle eye on it at all times than to try to forbid it, and have the girl subsequently romanticise it into a star-crossed lovers situation. And NuTuDating, that's awesome. It is rare but lovely when you get to make it work with someone who's watched you grow up, and grown alongside you.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Eh I don't know about this one.. I can't say to stay away romantically from this one because my boyfriend was 19 and me barely 16 when we started dating. Mine and his relationship was looked down upon in the begining but now that I'm 17 and we've been together for so long they don't mind anymore. I don't regret it at all even though he did just want me for sex. Plus in our state its illegal if its over three years age difference but we have the same birthday so its not illegal.. It could be dangerous but if you really have feelings for her it can turn into something great but I don't know the girl or how immature she is so its hard to say. Potatocakes only thing I don't get is he just wanted you for sex? and you were ok with that at 15? Anyways I think its kinda bad encouraging this guy I know love concurs all and its never ending blah.. blah. And yes he should follow his heart long as it doesn't lead him into prison! Who knows how the parents will react you think her dad is going to really believe their not messing around? Seriously theres legal issues for him to think about I know he says he doesn't need sex but common there both in there teens why tempt fate?
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