lovesparis Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 i've been seeing him about a month or so; he's really great we have a lot in common. and a ton of fun together. i'm trying to take it slow. and if i complain about something to my friends they remind me that i'm comparing him to my ex and to just stop it and enjoy him b/c most girls would be lucky to have such a good guy. my problem is he's fallen head over heels in love with me. he sees no flaws or anything that may be a hinderance or problem in the future or in a LTR. he's completely smitten. this has happened before with other men and each time it happens one day they wake up and hate me b/c i'm not who they made me out to be. it's not that i pretend ot be someone else, or lie about things, but they have this image they make me out to be. they ignore any red flags. i fear this stems from my ability to "read" other ppl and react to them as they need at that moment; do they need comfort/do they feel vulnerable/are they excited and want to share that/etc how am i supposed to handle this guy falling for me?
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 how am i supposed to handle this guy falling for me? You can't control or handle a guy being smitten for you, you'll just have let the outcome happen naturally.
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I agree with the above post - however you can make sure he remembers that you wish to take things slow, so you can get to know each other better.
malaclypse Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 i've been seeing him about a month or so; he's really great we have a lot in common. and a ton of fun together. i'm trying to take it slow. Why are you trying to take it slow? What do you hope to gain from it? I've only ever heard 'take it slow' being used as an excuse if someone is not really into you but still wants company...
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Why are you trying to take it slow? What do you hope to gain from it? I've only ever heard 'take it slow' being used as an excuse if someone is not really into you but still wants company... I completely disagree. People who've been hurt in the past tend to take things slow to make sure it doesn't happen again.
malaclypse Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I completely disagree. People who've been hurt in the past tend to take things slow to make sure it doesn't happen again. Everybody has been hurt in the past... and how should taking things slow help?
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Everybody has been hurt in the past... and how should taking things slow help? Example - my last bf - should I have taken things a bit slower - I would have seen more warning signs that this guy was bad news. He eventually showed that he was manipulating, controlling, and so on. Should I have taken it slower - I wouldn't have vested so much emotion into it, and wouldn't have put up with it for so long - nor would I have grown as close as I did. If you take things slower, and get a better idea about the person you can find out sooner if you're on the road to getting hurt.
malaclypse Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Example - my last bf - should I have taken things a bit slower - I would have seen more warning signs that this guy was bad news. He eventually showed that he was manipulating, controlling, and so on. Should I have taken it slower - I wouldn't have vested so much emotion into it, and wouldn't have put up with it for so long - nor would I have grown as close as I did. If you take things slower, and get a better idea about the person you can find out sooner if you're on the road to getting hurt. Hmm. Sounds reasonable... Probably it's just a question of personality. I rather dive head-first into something and get hurt later on than being all careful and closed and missing out on the good parts just to avoid the bad parts..."better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".
NuTuDating Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Wish I knew how to take it slow. Well, I do know how, it's just not so terribly easy. Maybe easier for girls.
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Hmm. Sounds reasonable... Probably it's just a question of personality. I rather dive head-first into something and get hurt later on than being all careful and closed and missing out on the good parts just to avoid the bad parts..."better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". You don't have to miss out on good things. Both me and the guy I'm currently dating are enjoying things very much so - while taking it slow. I also dived head first into a relationship once - accidentally got pregnant, and the man ended up beating the crap out of me - caused me to lose the baby. Should I have not dived in - I would have not went through that. There's plenty of time to have all the good things - what's the rush into making them all happen right away? If it's the right person, it will happen in time.
malaclypse Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 You don't have to miss out on good things. Both me and the guy I'm currently dating are enjoying things very much so - while taking it slow. There's plenty of time to have all the good things - what's the rush into making them all happen right away? If it's the right person, it will happen in time. As I said, matter of personality. In 2 of my 3 last relationships, we practically lived together within a few weeks, and both of them lasted about 5 years... I also dived head first into a relationship once - accidentally got pregnant, and the man ended up beating the crap out of me - caused me to lose the baby. Should I have not dived in - I would have not went through that. Ok, but diving in does not mean "lets not think about birth control". I can see however how such an experience could make you very careful...
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 As I said, matter of personality. In 2 of my 3 last relationships, we practically lived together within a few weeks, and both of them lasted about 5 years... Ok, but diving in does not mean "lets not think about birth control". I can see however how such an experience could make you very careful... Believe it or not - I was on the shot. I have had speedier relationships as well - and one which I can say was very well, just didn't work out for certain reasons - nothing bad. I'm not saying either way is better or worse - I'm saying there's nothing wrong with taking things slow. For some people it's a benefit. It doesn't automatically mean anything bad.
City_girl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I agree with the other poster, take it slow means I'm not as into you as you are to me. Sounds like you still feel for your last man. This will always make you most attractive, emotionally unavailable?
Vertex Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Taking it slow is perfectly valid. If you've had relationships where putting yourself on the line emotionally -- that is to say, giving it your all -- gets you hurt, then naturally you will be inclined to be a bit more reserved in the future. There's nothing wrong with this. Just don't pull back too much such that you're not trusting the other person or giving them a fair shot because you simply think they will react similar to past boyfriends. Everyone is different, and there's nothing wrong with taking things slowly to make sure you're not going too fast and missing things. Moderation is key here.
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I just don't understand why taking it slow means someone isn't just that interested.
malaclypse Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I just don't understand why taking it slow means someone isn't just that interested. Because some women say this to their intellectual whores.
Dirk Diggler Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 how am i supposed to handle this guy falling for me? Simply put, if you're going to play games he's going to go elsewhere. Considering he has already fallen, maybe it's time you allow yourself to fall as well. Horizontally on top of him.
dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Because some women say this to their intellectual whores. Some - not all - and the same could be said for a man. But that doesn't mean it's always the case.
malaclypse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Some - not all - and the same could be said for a man. But that doesn't mean it's always the case. Of course. But it's usually women who have intellectual whores, not men. On the ladder theory/IW website there's even a special page with some thoughts about why it's usually females who have male iws...
dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 ha meet some of the guys I've dated - you're thoughts will change LOL
malaclypse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 ha meet some of the guys I've dated - you're thoughts will change LOL Hmm...I'm pretty sure they would have preferred FWB to IW
dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Everytime I think I couldn't meet a stranger guy - I meet a stranger guy... I'm like a magnet
malaclypse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Everytime I think I couldn't meet a stranger guy - I meet a stranger guy... I'm like a magnet Sometimes I think all girls are bland and boring and dull ... and then a really weird and strange and different girl pops into my life and restores my faith in womankind..
dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 LOL there's some strange that I can deal without
malaclypse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 LOL there's some strange that I can deal without And there's some strange that I just can't live without..
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