ddkeifo Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 (edited) Hello. First, I've met this great guy. I haven't been dating that long, but he's very rare, I can already tell. He likes to take his time, and everything is very well-thought out. I am happy when I am with him, and I am afraid to admit that he has been on my mind a lot recently. We've been on 4 dates, and we didn't even kiss until the third date. it was the sweetest kiss. he held my hand very tenderly. I know I shouldn't be wasting my time on trivial things like this, but I really don't want to let this one go, what should I do now? I've let him ask me out on the first three dates, the fourth one I suggested, and he called to follow-up. He generally pays, but I treated him to a snack on the last date (bad idea?). We don't spend time on the phone talking, but I'd like to somehow let him know that I am seriously interested in him/have feelings for him without looking too available or desperate. he let me know that he would like to do something but hasn't called me yet, should i wait or call him? something inside me is afraid of looking too vulnerable, and i've never just called him casually or to ask him out. maybe this is because he hasn't yet told me explicitly that he likes me, seems shy on that front. maybe there is something i could do for him to show him how much i like him? please help me out here...guys especially Edited March 13, 2008 by ddkeifo
Kamille Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 How exciting! The kiss does sound romantic. Now, here is my advice: do whatever it is you have to do to keep yourself out of panic mode. Go for a run go bungee jumping, go visit your grandma, just stay calm. So far it sounds like things are going great, so panicking or overanalyzing aren't necessary. Just go with the flow. If you feel like calling him to suggest another date, do so as the cool, confident and calm woman that you are.
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I know how you feel! The guy I'm currently seeing is the same way! It's so not what I'm used to, but eventually most of the panicy feelings go away. I shoot him an email every now and then - he'll shoot me one back, we generally spend time together on the weekends. It's coming a lot easier then I thought it would. I've always been used to the exact opposite - so I found myself worrying about the same things. It gets better!
tkgirl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 My experience has been when I get over-anxious about a guy, that things usually end up "back firing" on me. It actually happened with the last guy I was dating... Although he was the one who told me first how he wanted to "be with me" but then afterwards he kind of backed off a bit. So what I did was sort of confront him about it and I think I got a little too aggresive. I felt like I was being the "strong, confident woman" by taking the lead and letting him know I really liked him, but it ultimatelyI think it seemed desperate and it turned him off. Long story short, he ended up leaving me and I'm still bummed about it because I really liked him... I feel like I blew it! So don't make the same mistake I did... just chill and let him be the one to ask you out... once things get more established between the two of you, you can call him more but in the meantime I think it's best to let him make the first moves... remember, guys like a challenge... not that you should play games, just don't to be too available or guys can get bored. Good luck!
dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 My experience has been when I get over-anxious about a guy, that things usually end up "back firing" on me. It actually happened with the last guy I was dating... Although he was the one who told me first how he wanted to "be with me" but then afterwards he kind of backed off a bit. So what I did was sort of confront him about it and I think I got a little too aggresive. I felt like I was being the "strong, confident woman" by taking the lead and letting him know I really liked him, but it ultimatelyI think it seemed desperate and it turned him off. Long story short, he ended up leaving me and I'm still bummed about it because I really liked him... I feel like I blew it! So don't make the same mistake I did... just chill and let him be the one to ask you out... once things get more established between the two of you, you can call him more but in the meantime I think it's best to let him make the first moves... remember, guys like a challenge... not that you should play games, just don't to be too available or guys can get bored. Good luck! There is nothing wrong with being confident. Nor calling to set up a date. He may also end up thinking she isn't interested if she doesn't make a few moves herself. It's much different then "confronting" him about something.
tkgirl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 There is nothing wrong with being confident. Nor calling to set up a date. He may also end up thinking she isn't interested if she doesn't make a few moves herself. It's much different then "confronting" him about something. of course we should all be confident! just not too aggresive... which I'm not saying she is... but I sure was! I was just trying to tell her to not to make the same mistake I did when I was feeling over anxious...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Yeah I agree with Tk, coming on too strong may seem aggressive and would eventually be a turn off. Just try to be your usual self, and don't let your anxieties win you over. Preoccupy yourself so your time isn't left for idle thinking. Congrats on your kiss. Sounds really romantic. I hope everything works out with the guy.
AussieJack Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 ...something i could do for him to show him how much i like him? please help me out here...guys especially Yes - buy two round trips to the Bahamas for a week of *** and sun. If you cannot afford that, listen up.. Women seek love and being loved , men seek love and being APPRECIATED.... Ladies, if you have a great guy in your life and you want him to stick around let him know that you appreciate the things that he does for you. Also NEVER take dating advice about men from another women . Women know about women, Men understand men. I am a man and I know what motivates good men and it is NOT only a hot supply of sex . Men today have fewer and fewer opportunities to be a HERO to their woman - this is an ancient need in men .WE want to be your HERO ..To be the White Knight on Horseback even in small ways.. Never take your man for gratnted .Good men have options and choices on the dating scene. The feminists have undermined your beliefs about men and tried to turn you into haters, so we need not NOT listen to them. So when your man does something manly or masculine which pleases you, TELL him that it really meant something to you. This will mean a lot to him. Watch that chest puff out .. This advice may sound trite and simplistic but i want you girls to try this out. You are not ENTITLED to a great man just because you are a woman , you have to EARN one. Who does not like to feel valued and appreciated ?
Legend Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 How about not playing games? Let him know how you feel. You're already past the first 3 dates and have kissed. Who cares if you make yourself available to him? Not all guys want to feel like second rate chasing citizens.
tkgirl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Also NEVER take dating advice about men from another women . Women know about women, Men understand men. I am a man and I know what motivates good men and it is NOT only a hot supply of sex . I totally agree with you on that one AussieJack! I try to steer clear from my girlfriend's "advice" but rather just try to have them listen to me... as I try to do for them. Anyho, it's always nice to get some insight on how men really think... from another man! Unfortunately you guys aren't always so open about you what you're really thinking or feeling... IMHO I was just trying to give ddkeifo my experience... what I think I did wrong when I started feeling over-anxious about this latest guy I was seeing, so maybe she wouldn't make the same mistake I did. I still wish I could somehow have another chance with him that it's almost painful sometimes....
audrey_1 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I am a man and I know what motivates good men and it is NOT only a hot supply of sex. Men today have fewer and fewer opportunities to be a HERO to their woman - this is an ancient need in men. WE want to be your HERO ... To be the White Knight on Horseback even in small ways ...Never take your man for granted. Good men have options and choices on the dating scene. The feminists have undermined your beliefs about men and tried to turn you into haters, so we need not NOT listen to them. So when your man does something manly or masculine which pleases you, TELL him that it really meant something to you. This will mean a lot to him. Watch that chest puff out ... This advice may sound trite and simplistic but i want you girls to try this out. You are not ENTITLED to a great man just because you are a woman, you have to EARN one. And the reverse is also true, good men have to earn a good woman. BUT I digress. I want to say that this is sound advice and comes at a pivotal time in my relationship. I'm in a casual LDR with someone who is at a major professional crossroads. Despite the fact I am self-sufficient, I think the "hero" complex is driving him. He's known since our first date that losing his job was a distinct possibility. It's been nearly a year, but next month is when the change is actually happening for him. He's mentioned that he needs to focus on him right now, to take things in steps, which seems to be an indirect way of asserting what AussieJack said. I've been supportive, giving words of encouragement, but have backed off my "panicky" mode where I'm pressing him out of insecurity. Things have relaxed a lot, and I've not scared him off...yet. We don't talk every day. We're not going to, yet I don't feel like I can't send him a text or email. When I do, his responses are usually immediate, which lets me know I'm still a priority for him, just not his primary. Women want to nurture, but we have to realize that the man has to feel like he's got the upper-hand (even when he doesn't) and feel comfortable enough to let us in before we can take on that role in his life. It's hard, but less sometimes is more in the long run. I work on my self-control where he's concerned DAILY.
AussieJack Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 . I think the "hero" complex is driving him. He's known since our first date that losing his job was a distinct possibility. It's been nearly a year, but next month is when the change is actually happening for him. He's mentioned that he needs to focus on him right now, to take things in steps, which seems to be an indirect way of asserting what AussieJack said. . A man, who is his situation, will very likely be reluctant to commit himself to a definite future with the woman in his life UNTIL his career prospects are more stable. Men still ,deepdown, regard themselves as the primary providers (this is evolution and it ain't gonna change) WE see ourselves as having the main obligation to offer financial,physical and emotional security to a woman with whom we are planning a future. IF our career situation is fragile or unpredictable. a good man will NOT seek greater depth of connection with his woman . In his mind he will put the relationship 'on hold' or in a kind of 'suspended animation.' That may feel , to the woman, the you are both spinning your wheels, and going nowhere slowly and you may evebn feel this it has 'stalled' . He is just doing what a good man does - waiting to ensure that his finacial position stabilizes before he moves the both of you forward again . See ?
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