Rich464 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Sorry that this is more of a rant than asking questions but I just wondered is this right? how I should be feeling? It was a long complex relationship for over 4 years and it ended with me ending it (she has ended it several times to stay in control before) after the horrible verbal abuse I was subject to, From her literally screaming in my face when I went round to see her to her threatening to cheat on me with her friends when I was busy and couldn't come round. On one hand i love her and everthing about her, I just want to speak to her, hold her and ask how she is and on ther hand I hate her, for what she's done to me, for treating me like that. I can only hope that having no contact with her will help me fall out of love with her so I don't feel the heartache I feel now. I'm starting to see the relationship for what it was now, a complete mess with me taking an unbelievable amount of crap from her that nobody should ever say to their loved one. I hope she feels ashamed for it but she wont. It tears me apart that she doesn't even care about me anymore after I loved her so much but you can't be with someone who doesn't love you back. I've often prayed for her to come back on her knees begging for forgiveness for what she's done, convincing myself that if this happened i wouldn't be the weak one by taking her back but thats not the case. Should 2 weeks of hurtful things be forgotten in light of the last 4 years? I wish I knew but one thing i do know is i can never contact her again for my own sake, however with her being as stubborn as she is she will never get in contact with me unless she completely needs to and in which case she will be cold and emotionless. The only thing keeping me from calling, well emailing seems as she got rid of her phone (another way to cut contact with me perhaps?) is that i'm 99% certain she would ignore me as much as possible before sending a short blunt reply telling me to get over it. That would rip my heart out and put me right back to square one. She is more that likely with someone else now from what I've heard and what happened so it's not so much a matter of what i do but more of a battle in my own heart and mind as to how i deal with this. My heart has been broken yet again by the same girl through a complete disregard for my feelings. I have never done anything wrong to her, I would do anything for her and she knows it but doesn't care and reciprocates my love and affection by threatening to cheat on me, not only is that really ****ing low for anyone to say it really hurt me after the slut my ex-ex-girlfriend was and how she degraded me. Why would someone that says they love you do that? Simple answer? They don't love you. It's hard to admit, but after everything thats happened I desere better. I don't deserve to be treat like this, to feel like i am a failure, to be provoked, made fun of and basically just degraded to make someone else feel better. When I see it in writing it makes me feel sick. You can forgive people that do some horrendous things to you but when they don't even bother to speak to you let alone apologize those feelings are left to muster for weeks, turning into bitterness and hatred. I can only hope she continues to not have any contact for another couple of weeks, which should be easy as the end of term is soon (shes at university in the same city i live in) so she'll be off getting drunk, putting it about with whoever, as long as I dont know about it i dont care. If she doesnt contact me and apologize then my bitterness and anger will take care of me getting over it by realizing i dont deserve this and i deserve better but if she does, well, that would throw a whole spanner in the works right now wouldnt it..... My mind is made up, now I just have to stick to it and pray I don't degrade myself any further by giving in. Who knows, maybe I'll find someone else soon that blows this farce of a relationship out of the water. I hope so, I really really do..... Sorry for the long post but it feels good to vent and thanks for reading Rich
s_n_d Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 There is no certain way you should be feeling at the moment. It all depends from person to person and this saying is SO overrated but, "Time heals"; It really does. All you can do is take your mind off your ex any way you can. Just general advice (not necessarily only for you): It WILL get better in time but you have to be open to the change. If your set on never giving up on the relationship your ex and you had, you will never heal. I know that because I had that mentality for a long time after my last breakup.
messiah Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 i just got out of the same boat as you rich, My Ex Broke up with me around early Jan, for the first week or so i begged and pleaded (which is a big mistake i know now) But then i stopped all the begging and started acting like a man. I still hoped that we will reconcile by keeping Light Contact with her. She would txt me asking her to give her rides to places picking her up from here and there, you kno the usual stuff a bf would do for his gf. One time too many she txts me asking me to hang out with her but withdrew at the last min. I couldnt take it anymore the way she was being selfish and just using me. Giving me false hope which is something you should never do to somebody. So i realise now that she doesnt need to be in my life. she doesnt deserve a breath of mine. Its easier to forget when you realise WHY she shouldnt be in your life. A few months down the road you will laugh at her, trust me. You will find someone that deserves you. Just focus on yourself for now. Set goals that you should accomplish by the end of the year. Mine is to get into shape so then i can scar it with a nice tattoo
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