pauwie Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 My ex has been the more intense one between us, he was the type who would shower me with compliments and loving words.. but when he was saying I got him mad or hurt him, he would throw me the most hurtful curse words, that even a wild animal would cry about. We already broke up twice, both break ups were nasty ones. He has called me a psycho, a loser, a bitch, he doesn't care if I die, that I should go to hell, he really never loved me, he wishes me all the misery the world could give me, ETC. Both times he had apologized profusely after 2 weeks, saying he never meant to tell me those words, that he was just hurt, ETC. My friend asked me if I was answering back, because she told me if it happened to her, she would definitely strike back. I told her no, I don't say anything hurtful back. It is not that I am saint, I admit I have huge roles in the arguments we had. Also it is not that I am scared of him, it is not that I am just letting this guy run over me.. the only reason I have is I don't want to say anything that I will regret saying after a few days. You know, regretting to the point that I would want to contact him just to apologize. I never want to do that. But today I wasn't able to take it anymore. Our reconciliation attempts have so far failed and we got into an argument yesterday. Today, he sent me an e-mail with a lot of hurtful words, words that until now I don't expect to be coming from the guy who said he loved me and wanted nobody else but me. Now I sent him a reply, this time hitting him back, hitting him worse, used strong words to make him realize a few things. I don't know if he has already read it because I haven't gotten a reply yet but I know he would be shocked to read that e-mail, what I actually call a 'burning bridges e-mail.' Did I totally ruin things between us by doing so? I am worried how this would affect me mentally and emotionally in the few days to come. Or did I do the right thing?
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Pauwie, I can understand why you said the things you did. He has left you no choice . Standing up for yourself is never wrong. There is never any excuse for someone to get away with verbally absusing you....but what I don;t understand is why you have not blocked this toxic person out of your life? You know what he is like, and what he is capable of...so you are only putting yourself in harms way by continuing to let him treat you like a human punching bag. I don't think you did the wrong thing at all...but I think going BACK to him would be...
Author pauwie Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Hey thanks for the reply. I know after the first break up, I should have never replied to his apologetic e-mails. I should have never looked back. I wish I could narrate the whole incident that happened that night but it would be a very long and heart-wrenching story. It was very traumatic, both physically and emotionally. I also went into deep depression for a long time. When we got back together, I felt happy for 2 weeks but problems arose again thereafter, until we broke up once more. I also know the problem lies in the fact that I love this guy so much, more than any guy I had in my life. And I keep on forgiving whatever hurtful words he throws at me because I admit when he apologizes, he was always being romantic. Plus aside from me not wanting to apologize that's why I opt not to verbally attack him back, I also don't want to lose him totally. But earlier, I felt so hurt I told myself I should stop caring and yes, stand up for myself. I kept on reading the nasty e-mail I sent him, sometimes I feel bad for writing him something like that but most of the time, it made me feel a sense of satisfaction for doing so. It's like I have these two voices within me but the louder voice has been telling me 'AT LEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE YOU DON'T ANYMORE CARE HOW IT WOULD AFFECT YOUR CHANCES WITH HIM.'
SeraBella Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I don't know why you would think your email ruined things...his emails sounds horrible. He made the bed. Why would you put up with what he's said to you? Why should you feel bad for "ruining" things...it's not YOU who was initiating it...and you finally felt the need to stand up for yourself and quit letting him walk all over you and put you down. You don't want to lose him totally, but you need to. He's bringing you down. Find support through friends, families, hobbies, activities...anything to keep your mind off of him, keep yourself busy and healthy and happy. It doesn't sound like it's going to work out, and it doesn't sound healthy. I think you both need time apart. REAL time apart...don't see each other, don't call, don't email, don't IM, don't check social networking sites, don't drive past his house...complete NC. You deserve so much more than that.
EllaDerSpin Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 (edited) Try looking at the relationship rather than the person. Look at it without emotions and decide whether that is a good choice or not. The wiser part of you burned the bridges, put your trust in her. Edited March 14, 2008 by EllaDerSpin
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