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You've read my posts on him... This is the conclusion.

shanny

By shanny
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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shanny Established Member

shanny

Posted
Posted

So I have made many posts on here about my stupid, crappy relationship. I've given only the facts and the overwhelming majority of you wonderful helpful posters have asked me "WHY are you still with him?" Well I've asked myself that a lot over the last few days. Here are a few of the things I have considered...

 

1. I feel that since I've been treated so bad by him that everyone else would treat me the same way. This is what I've become accustomed to. I support him financially 100% and all I get are endless evenings of him sitting on the couch texting his exwife. I keep asking myself, what have I done to deserve this? I can't think of anything.

 

2. I don't want to be lonely. I've lost all my friends because of this guy. He treated me so bad and my friends couldn't stand giving me advice anymore, plus he was always rude to them. I was given the choice of him or my friends, and I foolishly chose him. Most people would say that I should try and reconnect with my friends. The thing is, it got REALLY ugly. There's no going back now. Gotta start over and that scares me silly.

 

3. He's hot, funny and a blast to be around. I know this shouldn't be the reason to stay with someone, but I am SO physically attracted to the guy in a way that I have never felt before. What if I can't find someone else that I'm so attracted to? The bar has been set high with him and what if I never feel satisfied with someone else? People tell me that there are a million other guys out there, but I'm just not attacted to any of them (except for Jon Bon Jovi and Ed Norton and I don't think I have a chance with them...;))

 

4. Related to #3, I have never left anyone without having someone else lined up. Well I guess that relates to #2 as well. I have had a boyfriend for every day of my life since I was 15 (I'm almost 28).

 

4. I love him. I have such deep feelings for him and I want to hold onto the slightest chance that we will live happily ever after... But he doesn't respect me and it would take all but a miracle to change that.

 

5. When he leaves he's gonna take my dog who I love more than anything. The dog was his and he brought her to leave here. I know this sounds strange, but this beautiful, sweet dog has been a great supporter and one of the only bright parts of my days.

 

6. I'm so emotionally attached to him. In a way I feel that I live for him. It's such an unselfish, unconditional love that I can't shake.

 

I think I could go on forever. I'm taking the steps to become independent. I started a MySpace to try to reconnect with people I haven't seen in years. I figure that's easier than trying to meet new people. I try to spend time with my only friend (my sister) to get out and meet new peeps.

 

The strange thing is that in my mind it's already over. I don't expect anything from him anymore. I've accepted the way he treats me and I know I don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

This is more of a venting session than asking for opinions. I think this site is so great and that some of the most caring people on earth are members. Thanks for your support.

JackhammerGemma Established Member

JackhammerGemma

Posted
Posted

Reading your posts is jarring, because almost every word of them sounds like me and the crappy relationship I'm in. Well, except the factors are different. My bf is cheating/texting/etc with my co-worker rather than an ex, and he is an alcoholic. But all the things you listed in this post sound just.like.me.

 

Scary.

 

And because you sound just like me and I have no idea what to do either, I have no advice. I just hope we both snap out of this and soon before we are consumed with something that's destined to destroy us emotionally. Despite the fact that our bf's are jerks we have set the bar so high that it will be hard to let anyone else in, even those who would be infinitely better for us.

People tell me I must have a self esteem problem because of my situation with my bf. I don't feel that I do because I know what I'm worth, I just can't seem to shake this and walk away. Do people tell you that too?

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shanny Established Member

shanny

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Gemma...

 

Not that I want you to suffer like me, but it's good to know I'm not alone. This is such a complicated mess... so many feelings, so much drama. As far as the self esteem thing, yes people do say that to me too. They always say that I don't believe that I can be happy and that I'm just settling because I don't believe in myself. Now I don't have the best self esteem in the world, but I generally like myself and realize what I have to offer as a person.

 

How long have you and your guy been together? I've only been with my bf for 10 months, but I swear I'm so attached to him that it feels like it's been 20 years. We had a blow out last night because I got upset that he was texting his exwife so much... he said that I don't understand what it's like to have kids (he insists that he is only talking about the kids, but refused to show me any texts as evidence). I didn't talk to him this morning so I don't know if he hates me, if he's gonna move out or what. It sucks.

 

Keep in touch and let me know how your situation is going. Best of luck.

JackhammerGemma Established Member

JackhammerGemma

Posted
Posted

I've been with my bf almost as long, about 9 months. Yet we've already spent so much time together that it feels like years, like you said about yours.

 

My bf often won't show me his texts either claiming he shouldn't have to. But now I know it's because he has something to hide. As much as some people claim their right to privacy, people just don't do things like locking their phone and refusing to show texts unless there are things they don't want seen.

 

Sometimes I think the reason I'm still here is because I just don't care to move on for whatever reason. Or as I tell my friends, I don't have nuthin' better going on at the moment. Or I say I'm waiting for something better to fall from the sky...hehe. Disfunctionally attached is probably closer to the truth. You can actually be addicted to a person or relationship just like a drug from what I hear. I used to think that was BS til it happened to me. Sounds like you might be in that same boat. The way they leave us is ridiculous- have a fight and they leave us wondering what the hell is going on. Breaking up every day in essence.

 

Well, good luck to you too! We both need it. Or maybe just a good kick in the head, I dunno. :confused:

Dirk Diggler Member

Dirk Diggler

Posted
Posted

It's a telling sign when your dog is showing you more love and loyalty than your boyfriend is.

hapangie New Member

hapangie

Posted
Posted

I have been where you are...and it sucks...but the thing that is so interesting is that you haven't been without a boyfriend since age 15. Why the insecurity?...I know...you don't want to be lonely...believe me, I know. Is there a solution to your dilemma? I think not...I bet that you're attractive, have a good job, , try to take care of your responsibilities (and his too)...but have a very low opinion of yourself, no? I have been exactly where you are and I know from experience..(I'm 43) that the guy you are with is going to continue to live off you and treat you as something less than until you decide to make the change...and the longer you let him treat you like this...the harder it is when the relationship does end..(the longer you put up with the disrespect...the more you believe it) .But, it will end..and I wouldn't be surprised if he's not cheating on you while you're at work...I mean, c'mon...if he's that much of a loser to live off you than he's got to be doing SOMETHING that makes him feel better about himself. I feel bad that you don't think more of yourself...and you're young enough to turn that around...don't think so little of yourself that just because this guy is HOT, and a blast that there aren't men that are so much HOTTER because they have a job and how much more of a blast would it be to hang out with a man that respects you? I know that you're just venting...but, girl, you obviously have a lot going for yourself....despite this dead beat guy...the relationship will end...I guarantee that...give yourself the respect you deserve and move on....you won't...until you're forced...but it doesn't help to try...good luck...you deserve better!!!

 

 

 

 

 

So I have made many posts on here about my stupid, crappy relationship. I've given only the facts and the overwhelming majority of you wonderful helpful posters have asked me "WHY are you still with him?" Well I've asked myself that a lot over the last few days. Here are a few of the things I have considered...

 

1. I feel that since I've been treated so bad by him that everyone else would treat me the same way. This is what I've become accustomed to. I support him financially 100% and all I get are endless evenings of him sitting on the couch texting his exwife. I keep asking myself, what have I done to deserve this? I can't think of anything.

 

2. I don't want to be lonely. I've lost all my friends because of this guy. He treated me so bad and my friends couldn't stand giving me advice anymore, plus he was always rude to them. I was given the choice of him or my friends, and I foolishly chose him. Most people would say that I should try and reconnect with my friends. The thing is, it got REALLY ugly. There's no going back now. Gotta start over and that scares me silly.

 

3. He's hot, funny and a blast to be around. I know this shouldn't be the reason to stay with someone, but I am SO physically attracted to the guy in a way that I have never felt before. What if I can't find someone else that I'm so attracted to? The bar has been set high with him and what if I never feel satisfied with someone else? People tell me that there are a million other guys out there, but I'm just not attacted to any of them (except for Jon Bon Jovi and Ed Norton and I don't think I have a chance with them...;))

 

4. Related to #3, I have never left anyone without having someone else lined up. Well I guess that relates to #2 as well. I have had a boyfriend for every day of my life since I was 15 (I'm almost 28).

 

4. I love him. I have such deep feelings for him and I want to hold onto the slightest chance that we will live happily ever after... But he doesn't respect me and it would take all but a miracle to change that.

 

5. When he leaves he's gonna take my dog who I love more than anything. The dog was his and he brought her to leave here. I know this sounds strange, but this beautiful, sweet dog has been a great supporter and one of the only bright parts of my days.

 

6. I'm so emotionally attached to him. In a way I feel that I live for him. It's such an unselfish, unconditional love that I can't shake.

 

I think I could go on forever. I'm taking the steps to become independent. I started a MySpace to try to reconnect with people I haven't seen in years. I figure that's easier than trying to meet new people. I try to spend time with my only friend (my sister) to get out and meet new peeps.

 

The strange thing is that in my mind it's already over. I don't expect anything from him anymore. I've accepted the way he treats me and I know I don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

This is more of a venting session than asking for opinions. I think this site is so great and that some of the most caring people on earth are members. Thanks for your support.

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