delia88 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Here I go again. Dating a mexican man for the first time. Late forties married for over 25 years divorced now for 4 yrs. Three kids all grown and ex and all parents out of state. Not from Mexico but The south. Says he hasn't been with a women since his wife. But everyone says he's a flirt. Finacially successfull and has a motorcycle. I'm very attractive so I get some attention from men and they try to sleep with me right away which I hate. Last year I had six dates that at the end of each (First date) they grab my crotch. This guy was no exception so I drove away pissed off. He apologized and wanted a second chance. We have been dating since Jan. Every thing has been fine, roses on valentines, dinners etc. Had heard some things about mexican men so I just kept that in the back of my head and moved forward slowly. A couple of times he has called me when I have been out without him and once I didn't respond for a while and he said he thought i was with another man and didn't think I had true feelings for him then apologized the next day. Went to his garage while he was grilling and there were two nude girly calenders up and poster of a model in a bikini on the fridge and pictures from a nascar race with a couple women showing their pierced breasts. He tells me he's taking a bike trip with 18 other guys. They are shipping their bikes down there and riding to Key West. Turns out he did and they drove some days up to 300 miles. Then they went back up to Daytona for Bike week. Didn't know what that was. Looked at the pics online of naked women, the lick her bar where guys lick shots off the stomachs of women in chaps and no underwear, women wrestling in cabbage, wet tshirt contests and women getting up on stage and sucking on a peeled banana in guys pants. He said he didn't even see that stuff and when i asked if he was drinking and driving he said yes every day all they did was drink. Ten people died there. I said that I was disgusted and that 21 year olds do that crap and he has grown daughters and how can he be apart of degrading women liek that and women who degrade themselves like that and risk his life and his business is just plain stupid. He said that he wasn't doing anything and jealousy is what killed his marriage. He also said he took pictures and that I wouldn't like them very much (THey haven't been processed yet). We went out when he got home and he called the bartender sweetie and checked out her ass. He said he never cheated on his wife and he only wants to be with one person...me. He called me every night from the trip when he got home now I don't know if it was cause he was reassuring me or checking up. So, he has nude pics of women up, he takes pics of bare breasted women and goes where they are, he says he hasn't been with a women if four years but his friend says he's a flirt and he gropped me in the first date and looks at other women when with me. He says he loves me and in mid April we are going to an event and he wants to spend the night with me. Am I headed for yet another disaster?
benevolent one Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I swear to GOD ive seen this on a Springer episode any guy that will grab your &%$$# on the first date is headed for disaster lady! and if youve had 7 people do that to you in the last year id say either your dressing all wrong on your first dates, or you need to fire your screener
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 I do dress in an appropriate manner and yes I do need a screener. I've had a really bad run of luck and it seems like this is the only kinda guy I find. I don't know if it's my age (44) or what...
benevolent one Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 are you finding them in bars? if so maybe you should look elsewhere, or atleast start going to a more upscale bar.
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 I met him through friends. They are a lovely couple and he is a friend of his. I thought meeting someone that way was supposed to be a good approach. Not this time I guess. Thanks for confirming my thoughts.
AussieJack Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I do dress in an appropriate manner and yes I do need a screener. I've had a really bad run of luck and it seems like this is the only kinda guy I find. I don't know if it's my age (44) or what... These guys are NOT quality men- Real men do NOT grab a woman ANYWHERE on the first date or even the tenth date. The Mex guy is not the guy for you either unless you want to bounce around on the back of a Harley and drink beer at every pitstop. I am around your age and I agree that it is very hard finding and dating quality people. Most people who have their act together are either married or snapped up. ALot of the women I meet act like teenagers in 40 year old bodies and the guys appear to be much the same. This is like looking for a diamond in a dogpile .. I do know a few great ladies but it took a lot of sifting. Keep on sifting, honey.
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Thank you I am just so tired of going through this and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but it always turns out the same. It seems like I'm the only one left who has any morals and self respect. I think you should get to know someone and then decide whether or not you want to move on to an intimate relationship or not. And I don't feel the need to flash my brests in public. I feel he must be lying about not having been intimate with a women since his divorce because otherwise why would he have acted that way... I will keep my head up and move on. The sifting continues.... Wish me luck! I think I'm gonna need it.
carhill Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 It seems like I'm the only one left who has any morals and self respect. I think you should get to know someone and then decide whether or not you want to move on to an intimate relationship or not. And I don't feel the need to flash my brests in public. Well, that's a relief Seriously, there are lots of gentlemen out there. They're just not in the places you usually go looking for men. I met a lot of ladies during the 10 or so years I was a docent at our local zoo, but, like you, my "style" of getting to know them was too slow in their world of dating and love. IMO, volunteer work is a good place to meet single gentlemen. IMO, and I guess most have expressed it already, the guy you're dating likely isn't an appropriate partner for you, based on what has been shared. His talk and actions are divergent.
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 so he's a fake man then? I'm not sure what you mean by "fake"?
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 I will try the volunteering route. Thank you.
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 . IMO, and I guess most have expressed it already, the guy you're dating likely isn't an appropriate partner for you, based on what has been shared. His talk and actions are divergent. Yes, that's what was a red flag to me. His actions and his words don't match. I don't think he has been celibate for four years and I wouldn't have expected him to have been. So, why did he lie? So I would think he was a good guy?
carhill Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I can't speak for him, but, as someone who was an adult virgin for many years, I never talked about such things, rather let my actions speak for me. I was not interested in sex unless I was in an emotionally intimate relationship. Very bad form for a male, I now know In any event, I dealt with the fallout of such men as your paramour and his lying ways, as women looked upon me with the disdain they felt for these other men. In general, people lie to further a goal or to defend/distort something which would otherwise cause them shame or embarrassment (or civil/criminal liability). I can only surmise his goal was to get into your pants. Usually, time tests such issues. I'm curious. If you get on with a gent and feel chemistry, and he's patient, do you feel the desire for more physical intimacy over a period of months or? IIRC, I dated my wife for 3 or 4 months before we were intimate. That seems like a lifetime ago Trust me, if I ever get divorced, I will not be revisiting celibacy for anything close to 4 years and I'll be dead honest about it
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 I think 3months is a good amount of time to go out with someone and get to know them I mean with work and my other friends your not seeing them every day. My guy friends say that's a good amount of time cause the guy can put up a fake front for a good three months but probably not longer than that. They think I'm a very nice fun person who has it all so they don't llike the stories I tell them of what happens. They said any guy who does that on the first date dosen't care about me anyway and that's why they take the risk cause they will just go out and find another so If I don't go along with it, oh well and that they are just looking for sex. The bike stuff they said he dould have been there and just took pics to laugh about it later but when they put it all together they said no, he's not a good guy for me. Not looking to settle down anyway. I just want it to be with someone I care about and see some sort of future with. He said the jealousy i expressed about bike week is what broke up his marriage. I think there must be more to that story. He said he had never gone to a rally before so what was so bad that she divorced him after so many years. It's not adding up.
carhill Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Good analysis. It appears you sense disparate goals, neither of which is right or wrong. That's the important thing therapy has taught me. It's personal choice. See, to me, the bedroom stuff is just icing on the cake of the love and affection that takes place in small ways every minute of every day. All that stuff takes time, thought and energy. Hence, the wisdom of your 3 month rule. I wish you much success. The time and effort you take will be fruitful
Author delia88 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Thanks you for your support. My guy friends say my radar is a little off cause they can tell when a guy is just a dog right awawy. They think I should bring the guy around to meet them so they can check him out face to face. I feel much better after reading all of the resposnes and thanks again for letting me bounce all of this stuff off of you.
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