finally told MM I'm pregnant...

March 13, 2008

Not trying to defend any one here all tho the idea of him not having to be some how responsible in a mutual affair is kinda confusing to me.

I mean common these MM arnt being raped by these OW its a 2 way street no?

Anyways I had an accident with a condom coming off with my one bf he had to tell me but he did of course.

So maybe it can happen I think not every ones as sensitive down there some times.

March 13, 2008

According to Gwyn:

Any guy who 'plays' this way should be expected to pay the price if a pregnancy comes of it. I might feel a little different if it was a case of lying about being on the pill, or if he took great pains to be careful and avoid a pregnancy. I think he was one of those types of MM who do the 'baby talk' with the OW - not because they want the reality of raising a child, but because of the erotic notion of possessing her to the point of 'planting' a part of himself inside her. When reality sets in, its an entirely different story. The MM who talked so lovingly about having a baby with OW, when faced with an actual pregnancy becomes different. Erotic possibility crumbles when faced with the reality of breaking his home, being outed publicly in court through DNA and child support, etc.

That said, I'm very curious to see how the wife will respond to this.

I'm sorry, but we are living where???? and how old are we????

"I thought he used a condom or it fell off" It'sNO excuse for an adult to be in this perdicament.

Whatever happened to the female also being on a birth control method?

How many babies are born from sex with condoms???

Sorry Gwyn, dont mean to pound on you and I know that it is too late to cry over spilled milk but the both of you were irresponsible. Unfortunately now these little angels will pay the price.

Take care of you pregnancy (which is the most important thing right now) and cross the "paternal battle" bridge when you get to it. Being stressed and dealing with drama though pregnacy can have long term effects on your fetus AND THAT you dont need!

Take folic acid!!

March 13, 2008

Not trying to defend any one here all tho the idea of him not having to be some how responsible in a mutual affair is kinda confusing to me.

I mean common these MM arnt being raped by these OW its a 2 way street no?

Anyways I had an accident with a condom coming off with my one bf he had to tell me but he did of course.

So maybe it can happen I think not every ones as sensitive down there some times.

I definitely think the MM should be at the very least financially responsible. But I also think that when you chose to lay down with someone you should always be aware that there is a possibility that a child may result from the interaction - whether you are on BC or not. So, it's something to think about.

And fair enough, I often wondered if I was just especially sensitive down there, I guess I must be.

March 13, 2008

Not trying to defend any one here all tho the idea of him not having to be some how responsible in a mutual affair is kinda confusing to me.

I mean common these MM arnt being raped by these OW its a 2 way street no?

Anyways I had an accident with a condom coming off with my one bf he had to tell me but he did of course.

So maybe it can happen I think not every ones as sensitive down there some times.

LOL! Unless you are like a donut and he's like a pencil.. then yeah!

March 13, 2008

It surprisingly went better than I imagined.

He came over after work the other day knowong I needed to tell him something. So I told him I am pregnant and possibly with twins.

Well when I told him I'm pregnant, his jaw dropped. But then I said possibly with twins--his jaw dropped lower. Then he got up and kept walking back and forth asking questions -- how, when, why me, why now? I just let him talk/vent.

I told him I understand he and his W are also expecting and I don't expect anything from him--i think he gave me enough. I also said he very well knows how and when this happened. He scratched his head.

He said he needs to do a lot of thinking, but to rule out not being a part of the babies' lives. I said sure. I can't deny him that right, or for my babies.

He asked if he can come to the doc with me next time I go, I said not a problem.

I told him I'm seeing someone new and that he will be a part of my and the babies' lives and he has to accept that--no responce to that.

Before he left he held my hand and said he will make sure everyone will be okay. I said sure.

Sorry I'm so brief--im on my blackberry and its uncomfortable to type.

Well he said to give him a few days to think--so let him think.

I feel better now that he knows.

That's my update.

I'm so glad that telling MM went well for you. Your such a strong woman Gwyneth. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Hugs.

AP:)

March 13, 2008

LOL! Unless you are like a donut and he's like a pencil.. then yeah!

I just don't think EVERY ONES body make up is the same? do you honestly?

We fit together quite nicely if you must know but I honestly never felt the thing come off.

I also don't have vaginal orgasms so that tells me that perhaps I lack the same sensitivity as others may have makes sense to me.

March 13, 2008

He came over after work the other day knowong I needed to tell him something. So I told him I am pregnant and possibly with twins.

Well when I told him I'm pregnant, his jaw dropped. But then I said possibly with twins--his jaw dropped lower. Then he got up and kept walking back and forth asking questions -- how, when, why me, why now? I just let him talk/vent.

I really glad that he recovered enough from his injuries to be able to come over and hear the news from you. It was touch and go for awhile....

Take care of yourself and those babies.

March 13, 2008

and to top it off this mans wife is pregnant so she not only messed up him for life but also his wife and child. Screwed up a whole family for what? A man she didn't even really care about but hey she was having fun right? Isn't that what it's all about? This poor family and these poor babies that are going to have to see men in and out of their life their whole lives.

Have you considered adoption?

EXUSE ME??? It takes two to tango last time I checked. This wasn't an asexual act! He wanted to have sex as much as I did if not more. So don't try to put the blame on me. I had no control over his boys fertilizing my eggs. And when we first began having sex there was a condom on. So he knew very well what situation he put himself into--don't you DARE blame that on me. He's the one that's married, not me. So HE should've thought two or maybe three or four times before having sex (unprotected apparently) with me.

March 13, 2008

About the new guy, I don't believe in another man raising a child when there's a financially stable bio father around. That's nonsense. I know MM will do what's right and when he makes that decision for himself, I will accept what it is. I don't need his money--I'm quite alright. I also don't need the new guy to financially support myself and the baby(ies) either. That's not why I'm with the new guy. I started dating him before I found out I was pregnant or it even happened (we were on a break at the time since he was away on business for quite a while).

March 13, 2008

I'm so glad that telling MM went well for you. Your such a strong woman Gwyneth. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Hugs.

AP:)

Thank you for your support, answerplease37

March 13, 2008

Not trying to defend any one here all tho the idea of him not having to be some how responsible in a mutual affair is kinda confusing to me.

I mean common these MM arnt being raped by these OW its a 2 way street no?

Anyways I had an accident with a condom coming off with my one bf he had to tell me but he did of course.

So maybe it can happen I think not every ones as sensitive down there some times.

Thank you. I couldn't tell the difference and I was under the assumption it was on. Not to be graphic, but he must have taken it off or something in the course of changing positions.

March 13, 2008

I started dating him before I found out I was pregnant or it even happened (we were on a break at the time since he was away on business for quite a while).

Gwyn, do you think it could be the new guys babies? Wouldn't that be a blessing!

March 13, 2008

Gwyn, do you think it could be the new guys babies? Wouldn't that be a blessing!

Ha-ha, a blessing and a Miracle! We havne't slept together yet, nor do I think we will any time soon as I'm not feeling at all sexy or desirable right now...

March 13, 2008

Ha-ha, a blessing and a Miracle! We havne't slept together yet, nor do I think we will any time soon as I'm not feeling at all sexy or desirable right now...

Definitely do not sleep with the new guy until he has an STD screen. You don't want to hurt your fetus(es), and if you get infected it could cause a miscarriage. Not that I'm assuming he has STDs, it's just better to be safe then sorry. And obviously one cannot rely on condoms.

Wait until your second trimester. I became extremely sexually voracious after I hit about 14/15 weeks, and I'm still going strong. Pregnancy hormones are strange, indeed.

March 13, 2008

Hi Gwyn. I'm glad you told MM and glad that your babies will eventually know who their father is.

If I'm reading you right, it seems that you told MM that you're not expecting anything from him and that you can handle this on your own. But then you told us you expect him to pay child support. I think you need to tell him that -- it is doubtful he will just offer this up of his own freewill. These things usually have to be sought after.

Good luck.

March 13, 2008

This is what's wrong with the legal system:

~ I told him I'm pregnant

~ possibly with twins

~ I didn't really see my R with MM as everlasting or heart warming

~ I adored him as a friend

~ This new guy came into my life new years eve

-------

So, she didn't even love the MM.

Barely saw him as a "friend."

The guy sure didn't want or planned to get pregnant with her.

And now he has to support some twins he didn't want for the next 18 years.

Really fked up if you ask me.

Child support is set up to protect children, not the parents who create them, irresponsiblity or not. Every child is entitled to financial support, at least, from both parents. Adriadne it takes two people to create a child, and both are held equally responsible for the child's welfare under the American law, despite motives or reasons. I see nothing wrong with this system as it is for the benefit of American children. It is not these babies' fault that they were created irresponsibly (if that's your argument) by either or both of their parents.

Edited March 13, 2008 by nadiaj2727

March 13, 2008

Thank you, Nadia

I told him that he needs to make his choice, and that I'm not going to force him to make any decisions. He's either going to be in their lives and pay the support, or hand is parental rights over and not be obligated to support them (of course). So if he chooses to be a part of their lives, then he is also assumably going to help me financially support the kiddies without any questions asked. So it's either / or basically.

His final statement was to "Rule out not being a part of their lives." So, we'll see. My response? A simple "Sure." So we'll see. I haven't any dreams or idea what he will choose to do. I have other things to worry about, and when he's ready, he'll give me his answer. He said give him some time to think things over. That's totally understandable and acceptable.

He is still on painkillers and god knows what else so he was pretty calm because of the meds. I'm sure when the meds ware off and he's no longer taking them, he might change. That's why he was so calm...

Thank god for Rx's!!!!

March 13, 2008

he is also assumabley going to help me financially support the kiddies without any questions asked. So it's either / or basically.

I wouldn't assume anything from a man who did what he did not putting you down its great you can support them yourself good on you.

But If some ones willing to get 2 women preg at once there def not the most reliable/honest type man.

You can't just take a man like that at his word alone is what I'm getting at I guess just be carefull with that one.

March 13, 2008

What a story, and what a mess.

The OP sounds like she is sane, however, and smart.

However, the whole thing--condoms, no condoms; accidents, wives, girlfriends, who-will-tell/not-tell; "needs", support, no support, lawyers, lawsuits....

Makes you just yearn for the rules of courtship, love, waiting till you can trust and are deeply in love, having sex with someone whose children you want in the first place.....Maybe all this "freedom" is making people a bit miserable and maybe some of the old values weren't so bad....

March 13, 2008

Gwen, if you could have the "perfect win" scenario for you out of all of this...what would that scenario be? What would it look like? What role would MM play in your life, and the babies'? What interaction would there be with him (emotionally, financially, physically, etc...)? For both you, and the babies?

March 13, 2008

What a story, and what a mess.

The OP sounds like she is sane, however, and smart.

However, the whole thing--condoms, no condoms; accidents, wives, girlfriends, who-will-tell/not-tell; "needs", support, no support, lawyers, lawsuits....

Makes you just yearn for the rules of courtship, love, waiting till you can trust and are deeply in love, having sex with someone whose children you want in the first place.....Maybe all this "freedom" is making people a bit miserable and maybe some of the old values weren't so bad....

I too agree with some basic rules for dating, Dominique... based on common sense and "values" that most people agree are helpful for everyone involved. It makes things a lot easier.

Rule 1. Don't let yourself fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship with someone else.

Rule 2. Don't start one relationship until you finish another.

Rule 3. Don't date anyone unless you're happy on you're own, and don't date anyone who's not already happy on his own.

Rule 4. Don't have sex with someone unless you know him well, you love and respect him and are committed to him, and you know he feels all the same ways about you.

Rule 5. Always use protection unless you are both planning to have a baby.

Some people think these rules are "old fashioned" or too black and white. I'm not saying everyone HAS to follow them, I'm saying they're good common sense rules that people SHOULD follow to be happy. Some people, I think, like to sub-consciously create drama in their lives. I have been one before so I know no one "means" to break the rules... they just don't lay down a good system of values and rules for themselves because they don't know themselves and their beliefs well enough yet. (Again, I was once that kind of person.)

What I think is really sad is that some people DO follow these rules but then their partner stops following them and gets with someone else who doesn't follow these rules. It seems unfair that if someone really believes in love and commitment and that families should be planned, etc., they are hurt by others (including their own spouse -- the worst betrayal of all) who don't have those same values.

March 13, 2008

I wouldn't assume anything from a man who did what he did not putting you down its great you can support them yourself good on you.

But If some ones willing to get 2 women preg at once there def not the most reliable/honest type man.

You can't just take a man like that at his word alone is what I'm getting at I guess just be carefull with that one.

Oh, it's not "assumed," I mean I will legally make him financially responsible. And he knows that...more than he'd like

March 13, 2008

Gwen, if you could have the "perfect win" scenario for you out of all of this...what would that scenario be? What would it look like? What role would MM play in your life, and the babies'? What interaction would there be with him (emotionally, financially, physically, etc...)? For both you, and the babies?

As I've stated from the very beginning of time in this forum, and I will Always state, I didn't go into this affair assuming he'd leave his wife for me. I wasn't going to Convince myself of false fantasies. I also did not even Try to fall in love with him--I didn't want to set myself up for heartache. Instead, I got babies...well you win some, you lose some.

My perfect scenario would be that he wasn't married and we dated for a while before ending up pregnant, and would raise these babies together. That's all a girl asks for--a little compassion and respect from her lover / partner. Not necessarily with him, but from any guy. I never even really thought of him as a great guy / boyfriend material. He was a great friend and lover, but that was about it. There were Wayyyy to many deal breakers as far as he's concerned. For one, he whines Way to much for a man... and has a problem accepting my lifestyle. He too said to me always that he wished things were different--that he met me at a different time, and that he wasn't married. I believed him because either way, I had nothing to lose from his statement--it is what it is.

I don't understand why it's so hard for some of the posters around here to understand that I worked very hard at not falling head over heels for him because of the situation. It's like a miracle to them or something. But that's what I did. I could have easily fallen for him minus all those barriers (those deal breakers I mentioned). I had an affair with him for reasons beyond discussion at this point. There's no honest answer why I engaged in an affair with him. He knows why he did, and both of our reasons do not compare.

March 14, 2008

Gwyneth.... I am honestly happy for you and your decision to tell him that you were pregnant.

I have to say: You don't need people telling you what you could've, should've, would've done!! That's the past. You knew that you could get pregnant and whether you used protection or not, that is something youo are dealing with right now. Telling you what you should have done is not going to change the fact that you are now pregnant and it's not going to change the past. I admire the fact that you already know that you don't have to defend yourself or your motives or your reasons to anyone!

I was in your situation once. I also didn't want him to be involved in the life of my baby, mainly because after I told him I was pregnant, he actually turned into a monster and I just didn't want a monster around my kid.

It might be different for you. I hope so! Either way, do what's best for you and your child (dren) and whatever feels good to YOU. You haven't gone this far in life being stupid or acting unsafe. I'm sure you won't bring anyone in your life to share your child(dren) with you unless you feel comfortable with him. And if he turns out to be bad.... well come'on you don't have a crystal ball at home!

I think a lot of things about your situation BUT those are MY thoughts... so it would be nice to see people around here being more suportive of the NOW than chastasing you for the YESTERDAY.

Congratulations on your achievement Gwyneth. I only hope it gets better for you from now on. And if it doesn't, we'll be here to listen. That's all I can promise to do.

March 14, 2008

I don't understand why it's so hard for some of the posters around here to understand that I worked very hard at not falling head over heels for him because of the situation

Okay, I get that you honestly now can say you don't or aren't inlove with him, it's just from most of your previous posts in the past 6 months have more or less SCREAMED I love my MM, he's my soulmate, my everything...I think that's why many us are kind of confused...You actively (just as he did with you) chased him and on top of that have held ALOT of resentment and hate towards his wife...But if you feel you don't love him and that's that - Well, good for you and be glad that the A is over and you can focus on your pregnancy drama free.

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finally told MM I'm pregnant...

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