AlwaysLost Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I have been dating a guy that i met online for about 3 months (actually we are BF and GF). the first time i met him he looked nothing like his picture. in his picture he has a cute short hair cut but when I met him his hair is long. On date 2 i said soemthing like you look a lot different than your picture. he said ya i grew my hair out b/c when i was on wall street i couldnt have long hair and now that i am not in that field i wanted to grow it for a bit but i do know i need to cut it and am going with my sister to get it done. that was 3 months ago and his hair looks like crusty the clown. i hate it and today offered to take him with me to my stylist on saturday to just trim it (not short) just shape it up. he said no he is not interested and "Albert Einstein Lives" . . .Uhhh, I dont know what to do i hate his hair but he is a great person and enjoy having him in my life. any suggestions on how to deal with this?
melodymatters Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Well, you've already made your feelings known, and apparently he likes his hair as it is. I think when you are on the younger side, how your guy looks feels like more of a refection on you. At this point ( 40) I just want a kind, decent looking guy, and he could have purple dreadlocks for all I care !
Crestfallen_KH Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I agree with melodymatters. You've already voiced your opinion on the matter, he hasn't changed it, so you need to let it drop. I'm not crazy about the glasses my boyfriend wears (think Rivers Cuomo from Weezer) because I don't think they frame his face in the most attractive light. When he doesn't have his glasses on, he's much more attractive, so I would even prefer he wear contacts. Well, I mentioned that I thought another set of frames would look more flattering and he said "Really? Maybe I should look into that" and did nothing. I also asked why he wouldn't wear contacts and he said his eyes were too dry. I let it go. It's his body and though I'm entitled to my preferences, I'm dating him for who he is, first and foremost.
blind_otter Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 My SO has a tendency to let his hair grow and I also hate it with a white hot passion. I dislike long hair on men, as a rule. Mostly I endure it when he has long hair, but I try to give him excessive amounts of positive reinforcement when he cuts his hair, and so far this has been working rather well. Whenever he gets his hair cut I always appear shocked and surprised, then I will run my fingers through his hair often and with great abandon, going on and on about how lovely he looks with short hair. I'll scratch his head all the time, and I make sure that the first thing I say when I wake up is "Oh, I forgot you got your hair cut and how awesome it looks." When he lets his hair grow, I become apathetic and uninterested in his hair. I refuse to run my fingers through it, or scratch his scalp. In fact, I won't touch it at all. When I do refer to his hair, I mention how much better it looks short and that's all. If he mentions anything about his hair I refer back to the length issue and go on and on about how I prefer men with short hair, and I find that sexy, and I don't like long hair on men.
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Yep, one suggestion... File the hair issue for later, if/when he feels more committed to you and is more open to accommodating your preferences. Look at it this way....how would you respond if he said something like "babe, I love bobs; could you get some highlights and bob that for me"? Now me, I'd kill for some hair, any hair
Author AlwaysLost Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 Well thanks, I guess I shouldnt push it anymore but i feel duped . . .he had false advertising on his profile and then told me it was going to get cut therefore i stuck it out, now i am falling for everything but that damn hair! i shall back off, i dont want it to turn into a control issue or make him feel bad. but honestly i always try to look my very best for him, he should too.
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 You make a good point, that about "looking his best for you". This is something a gentleman naturally does, out of respect for his lady. Do you feel his grooming in general is lacking? If so, be aware that, for most men, this issue is pretty ingrained, so "changing" it can be a long row to hoe. For now, as you seem to opine, leaving the status as quo is the healthiest thing to do When you're cuddling, try playing with his hair and get him used to the fact that it's on your mind and in your hands. Remember what they say about honey and vinegar.
KidEternity Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 My SO has a tendency to let his hair grow and I also hate it with a white hot passion. I dislike long hair on men, as a rule. Mostly I endure it when he has long hair, but I try to give him excessive amounts of positive reinforcement when he cuts his hair, and so far this has been working rather well. Whenever he gets his hair cut I always appear shocked and surprised, then I will run my fingers through his hair often and with great abandon, going on and on about how lovely he looks with short hair. I'll scratch his head all the time, and I make sure that the first thing I say when I wake up is "Oh, I forgot you got your hair cut and how awesome it looks." When he lets his hair grow, I become apathetic and uninterested in his hair. I refuse to run my fingers through it, or scratch his scalp. In fact, I won't touch it at all. When I do refer to his hair, I mention how much better it looks short and that's all. If he mentions anything about his hair I refer back to the length issue and go on and on about how I prefer men with short hair, and I find that sexy, and I don't like long hair on men. WOW. That is really harsh, what if he likes his hair long, after all it is his not yours...that to me seems quite controlling and manipulative...
blind_otter Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 WOW. That is really harsh, what if he likes his hair long, after all it is his not yours...that to me seems quite controlling and manipulative... Um, he doesn't like his hair long. AFAIK, it's a function of laziness. I don't think that prefering a man with short hair is any different from prefering someone who stays in shape rather than letting themselves go. BUT, this is a thread hyjack.
SeraBella Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Well thanks, I guess I shouldnt push it anymore but i feel duped . . .he had false advertising on his profile and then told me it was going to get cut therefore i stuck it out, now i am falling for everything but that damn hair! i shall back off, i dont want it to turn into a control issue or make him feel bad. but honestly i always try to look my very best for him, he should too. Well...online profiles are often this way. You always seem to hear people complaining that the picture was from 10 years ago, 50 pounds ago, etc. But if you really felt "duped" I wonder why you let it go 3 months? I realize he's a great guy and all, but most people who feel they were deceived end it ASAP. Is it really just his hair that bothers you?
Lishy Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 When my bf doesnt have time to get his hair cut I dont find him as attractive. I just tell him that he needs to get his hair cut and he does it when he feels like it I know how you feel but you cant do jack about it other than mention once or twice about it
Citizen Erased Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 "Albert Einstein Lives" Yeah, unless you say "I despise your hair, you look hideous please to dear God cut it off NOW" his hair is being cut when he wants it cut Even if you do say that tho, he will probably just break up with you for being a pain in his arse
NuTuDating Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Yep, one suggestion... File the hair issue for later, if/when he feels more committed to you and is more open to accommodating your preferences. Look at it this way....how would you respond if he said something like "babe, I love bobs; could you get some highlights and bob that for me"? Now me, I'd kill for some hair, any hair I'm afraid I'm on the carhill path. I'd take dreadlocks instead of the thinning that started about 7 years ago. Good thing is, the thinning has stopped, but I have to wear hats in the sun or else I get burnt!!! No bald spot, but the colony has headed south for the winter, for sure! OP, if you like him in your life and have strong feelings about him, take his hair as part of the package. It's easily changeable and I can relate with being in the corporate world and having to look pressed and sharp 5 or 6 days a week. If I suddenly found a job in construction, I think I might get a tattoo or something... There are probably some things he'd change about you if he were brutally honest. If you love someone, accept him for how he is. I have a feeling this is a phase he's going through because he's not able to be a little on the wild side. He'll come to his senses after a while. And yeah, I'd take some extra hair at this point, too! If it was the other way around, and he showed a picture with a full head of hair and now he's balding, that would be completely different!
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