s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I just went on facebook (Yes, the source of all evil:p), and happened to go onto my exs bestfriends profile and saw pictures of my ex and his girlfriend. Instead of being angry and hurt and being bothered by the pictures, I am so happy. When I saw his pictures I felt nothing. Has anyone experienced this before? Could I possibly be over him? I believe that I quite possibly am over him. If I am over him, is it a good idea to add him back as a friend on facebook? Im the kind of person who doesnt like holding grudges or ignoring someone who was important in my life at some point. Help fellow LS-ers.
Cool Chick Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Gee SND, it sure seems like a good sign! I like to think of it as "Hey sweetheart, you can have him!" If he treats you anything like he treated me, he's allllllll yours. I might give it a while yet though before adding him back to your facebook list......just in case. I'm like you, I hate being on bad terms with someone. Unfortunately I have not been able to see myself wanting a friendship with my ex. After the level of hurt I suffered I don't know if I want that sort of man in my life. I have no desire to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt again. he's a smooth talker and it's hard to tell what the truth is from the lies. I hope you situation turns out for the better though. Great work on your part getting over him!! Cool Chick
Confused9 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 in my opinion...he doesn't deserve you as a friend.
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 Thank you, guys. Cool Chick, I really like that quote you started your post off with. Your right. I should definitely wait it out a bit more before I add him back onto facebook.Maybe after contemplating it over a few days I may not even want to. Confused9, I dont think he deserves me as a friend either but its all about forgiving and forgetting (for me atleast).
serendip Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Confused9, I dont think he deserves me as a friend either but its all about forgiving and forgetting (for me atleast). you don't need to be his friend to forgive and forget and you definitely don't need reinstate his facebook thing to forgive and forget You just do it you unblocking is more of an attention seeking thing
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 you don't need to be his friend to forgive and forget and you definitely don't need reinstate his facebook thing to forgive and forget You just do it you unblocking is more of an attention seeking thing serendip, I know i dont need to be his friend to forgive and forget but I prefer to do so. Yes, adding him on facebook can be seen as more of an attention seeking thing but I dont intend it to be like that. My main reason for contemplating the add is to let him know that I AM just a friend from now on (nothing more). I guess its just silly of me to WANT to be friends with the ex but I do believe its the right thing to do since he was an important part of my life.
serendip Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 serendip, I know i dont need to be his friend to forgive and forget but I prefer to do so. Yes, adding him on facebook can be seen as more of an attention seeking thing but I dont intend it to be like that. My main reason for contemplating the add is to let him know that I AM just a friend from now on (nothing more). I guess its just silly of me to WANT to be friends with the ex but I do believe its the right thing to do since he was an important part of my life. There's nothing wrong with being friends with an ex...I still remain friends with 6 of my ex's...just not the recent one who cheated on me and truth be told the only girl I actually can say that I loved. But in another posting you said you still loved the ex...can't be friends until you have no feelings
Cool Chick Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 snd I think it's a great thing to be able to move on enough and to forgive enough to want to be friends with an ex. It takes REAL forgiveness to do that sort of thing. Now don't get me wrong, forgiving and condoning someones actions are not the same. Do not under any circumstances let anyone treat you the way you were treated again. Forgive, move on but carry the lessons your learned from the experience with you always. Cool Chick
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 I said I love my ex, but I probably used it in the wrong context. I meant I do love him as a friend, as I do love ALL my friends.
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 snd I think it's a great thing to be able to move on enough and to forgive enough to want to be friends with an ex. It takes REAL forgiveness to do that sort of thing. Now don't get me wrong, forgiving and condoning someones actions are not the same. Do not under any circumstances let anyone treat you the way you were treated again. Forgive, move on but carry the lessons your learned from the experience with you always. Cool Chick I agree, Cool Chick. Thank you. I have learned a lot from this last breakup and definitely wont condone such behavior from anyone ever again. I guess breakups help us all learn, at the end of the day and Im thankful for the breakup.
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 This is what 42 days of NC has done for me.
serendip Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 This is what 42 days of NC has done for me. congrads on 42 days
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 Thanks, serendip. NC for me right now is not an issue. Its easy to do once you get past the initial ten to twenty days.
eagle5 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Wow I envy you, I can't even look at pictures of her that I took at the moment let alone ones of us doing something together, and the the thought of pictures of her and him together would KILL me Good on you though, I hope I get there someday!
vivrantflo Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 you don't need to be his friend to forgive and forget and you definitely don't need reinstate his facebook thing to forgive and forget You just do it you unblocking is more of an attention seeking thing I agree with this 100%.. Although you are doing well, that doesn't mean you can't slip backwards in your progress.... and BELIEVE ME, that can totally happen.. Reasons why I don't think you should add him.. You mentioned you've been doing NC for 42 days.. if you were 100% over him.. you wouldnt be keeping track of the days anymore. Another reason... I read a post in the "Second Chance" forum that you made earlier this morning saying that you WOULD take your ex back after contemplating it for a while. Meaning, that you still have romantic feelings for him. Romantic feelings = A friendship that won't work. No, im not throwing your words in your face... im no creep.. But you've been doing well, so there's no sense in setting up a situation where you'll keep looking at his pictures..and being notified of his life and relationship through his updates... bah... not worth it to me.. You can be his friend...but even that I doubt.. cause I don't think you're 100% over him. And there's nothing wrong with that either.. I just don't want you to get hurt again. My 2 cents
Author s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 Thanks eagle5 and vivrantflo. vivrantflo, I dont keep track of my NC days. A few minutes before I posted that last post, I actually had to count and Im still not sure. I think Im off by a few days. Also, I did say I would take him back after MUCH contemplation but I only said that because I do not like holding grudges etc... I believe that the past should not be dwelled on and if something would arise in the future, I would let it happen naturally and make sure the past does not repeat itself. Thanks for caring, viv. I just thought about adding him again BECAUSE none of the updates in his life bother me anymore I think Ill wait it out a bit longer (when I know Im 100% over him) before I add him.
Belkin Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Wow, you're so lucky s_n_d! I'm still far from there yet... Much better than a few week ago, sure, but far from feeling ok with her being with someone else! I'd wake up (after having dreamed of her of course), go about my business, and suddenly bump into the two of them as they exit his building where she passed the night (from what I know, she hasn't slept in her own room for quite some time now). And bang! a few hours of despair once again. Same with forgiveness. Sometimes I'll think it's over, that I can be just friends. But then I picture the three of us laughing together, and it all seems so false and wrong that I know friendship, if it ever comes, is still quite far away! But at least when I'm not close to her I feel almost good. Only 3 months left till summer break!
Author s_n_d Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Belkin, I understand completely what your saying. My summer break starts at the end of next month. Ill be going on vacation from June to August so whatever chance that I have of possibly thinking of him (or the lack of our friendship) will be non existant. If my ex and I do renew (for lack of a better word) our friendship, it will only be a friendship based online (via msn and facebook). I KNOW that we will never or hardly ever see eachother considering we live an hour apart.
sedgwick Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 wow, congratulations! you're really getting a lot better! is it 42 days now? damn. good for you! i'm at 6.5 months now. if i saw pictures of him, i'd still fall apart. you give me hope.
Belkin Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 (edited) Belkin, I understand completely what your saying. My summer break starts at the end of next month. Ill be going on vacation from June to August so whatever chance that I have of possibly thinking of him (or the lack of our friendship) will be non existant. If my ex and I do renew (for lack of a better word) our friendship, it will only be a friendship based online (via msn and facebook). I KNOW that we will never or hardly ever see each other considering we live an hour apart. Same here. So far we live 3 seconds apart (well more like 40 seconds now that she spends all her time in his room, ha!) but after summer we'll be at opposite ends of the country! So we'll maybe bump into each other once or twice only next year But I probably won't care by then. The ironic thing is that I'm sure that when I'll really be ready for just friendship, well I won't care about it anymore. And I'll be like "why be friends? It works so well with us ignoring each other, let's continue like that!" Next year is going to be so great! Can't wait for mid June... but I have to! btw, I dreamed of her again this night (of course!) but I also dreamed of LS. I'm probably spending to much time here But it's such a great site! Without the breakup I would never have found it, now how sad would that have been? Edited March 13, 2008 by Belkin
Author s_n_d Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 wow, congratulations! you're really getting a lot better! is it 42 days now? damn. good for you! i'm at 6.5 months now. if i saw pictures of him, i'd still fall apart. you give me hope. sedgwick, I, myself was surprised that I didnt fall apart seeing the pictures of him and his girlfriend. I guess its partly because my ex looks so different too; He has gained tons of weight and his facial hair is out of control. But the bottomline is that Im extremely happy for him.
Author s_n_d Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 The ironic thing is that I'm sure that when I'll really be ready for just friendship, well I won't care about it anymore. And I'll be like "why be friends? It works so well with us ignoring each other, let's continue like that!" ... btw, I dreamed of her again this night (of course!) but I also dreamed of LS. I'm probably spending to much time here But it's such a great site! Without the breakup I would never have found it, now how sad would that have been? I felt the same way, Belkin. I thought Id never want to be friends with him anymore after I got over him but you surprise yourself sometimes. Since the breakup, Ive become incredibly close to my faith ; I tend to read Bible verses among other things to help me through my hardships. A bible verse that really stood out when I was initially starting the NC process was, "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse" -Romans 12:14 One of the verses that helped me in the last few days is: "Bear with eachother and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another" -Colossians 3:13 This is the one that made me see that he was an important part of my life and its not worth it to leave our friendship behind, after everything we've been through. Anyways, The last time I dreamt of my ex was a few weeks ago and I believe we got back together in my dream. I was in a completely different state of mind then. I thought about him A LOT... hence the dreams too.
Author s_n_d Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Ok guys, a quick update... Somehow over the last twenty four hours, I felt I could handle adding the ex on facebook again. I went through his facebook page and saw every single picture of him and his girlfriend...Still felt nothing. So I added him on impulse. Might have been the right thing to do, might have been the wrong... Time will tell. I added a message to the friend request saying, "Hi _________, I come in peace. Lol. Friends? :)
EllaDerSpin Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 snd, only you know if you are ready to be friends. even if you are not, perhaps this would be the only way to find out.
Author s_n_d Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 EllaDerSpin, your right. Thank you. I have a feeling he will ignore the friend request I sent him on facebook. Either way, time will tell.
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