sedona Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 It's finally over. For real. And I had to be the one to say so, even though I'm the one who wants to make this relationship work out. He told me that he could see me sometimes, but didn't know if he would ever feel romantically about me again. Maybe though. I either had to accept those terms or draw the line. Completely up to me. So I said that it was over. And while I was telling him how much I'd miss him and how difficult this was for me, he just said "Yes" every once in a while. Then he wished me a good weekend and wished me good luck in my plans on becoming a better skiier. And then he said goodbye. When I didn't answer, he said "The least you can do is say goodbye". All I could say is that I didn't want to. (Because I don't. I love him.) So in the end, he hung up on me. And I will never hear from him again. The man I love, the man who loved me. I feel physically ill. My stomach hurts. I feel like I will never be happy again. I feel like I'll never be able to concentrate on anything again. I can't feel joy anymore. I can't eat. I'm tired all the time, but can't sleep when I lie down. In my mind I know this won't last forever, but in my heart I can't imagine when this will end. I feel like the business of living is just a distraction, nothing more. No substance. I've talked the ears off my friends, and soon I'm afraid they'll start avoiding me. There's nothing left to say. There's nothing even left to think, but I still can't stop thinking about it. And I'm certain that he got a good night's sleep and is now going about his business as if nothing has happened. I'm devastated and he's just fine. Painful. So hurtful.
s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Sometimes its hard to find joy in anything. My family and friends keep me going and ofcourse my faith. Hang in there.
eagle5 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Yeah that was EXACTLY how I felt 3 months ago, after a month I could eat again, that was good as I'd lost 2 stones (28lb). Sleep is still a problem, I've kind of started to rely on tablets and tried not taking one the other night, well I was up tossing and turning til 6am! But I can laugh a bit now, you will get there too, like you already said in your heart you know as much, none of it makes sense right now but it will eventually. If you can, try to give yourself a few big goals to achieve, also see if you can make new friends that didn't know him so you can go out with them and not have to think about him (and the association with mutual friends). You WILL be ok in the end, it takes time and that's a daunting thought but keep posting here too.
sedgwick Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 this week is 8 months since my breakup. it's been the worst 8 months of my life, no question. i feel like i'll never trust again. someone who meant everything to me proved himself to be a coward and a liar. for the past 8 months, i have thought about him every second of every day. i dream about him every night. there is a huge hole in my life and i can't imagine ever loving again. i'm more successful in my career than i've ever been, yet my self-esteem is at an all-time low. i feel worthless and exhausted and fake. HOWEVER...it's not as bad as it was 8 months ago. 8 months ago i couldn't leave my apartment. i let everything completely fall apart. i have begun, at least a little bit, to rebuild. all i can do is tell myself i'll live. and you'll live too. we might even love again someday. just keep telling yourself this: it can't get worse. you can't hurt more than you hurt right now. as long as you cut that person out of your life and go NC immediately and fully, you will eventually get better. i know these to be facts, and i hang onto them with all my might.
smoochie Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 this week is 8 months since my breakup. it's been the worst 8 months of my life, no question. i feel like i'll never trust again. someone who meant everything to me proved himself to be a coward and a liar. for the past 8 months, i have thought about him every second of every day. i dream about him every night. there is a huge hole in my life and i can't imagine ever loving again. i'm more successful in my career than i've ever been, yet my self-esteem is at an all-time low. i feel worthless and exhausted and fake. HOWEVER...it's not as bad as it was 8 months ago. 8 months ago i couldn't leave my apartment. i let everything completely fall apart. i have begun, at least a little bit, to rebuild. all i can do is tell myself i'll live. and you'll live too. we might even love again someday. just keep telling yourself this: it can't get worse. you can't hurt more than you hurt right now. as long as you cut that person out of your life and go NC immediately and fully, you will eventually get better. i know these to be facts, and i hang onto them with all my might. When me and my previous ex broke up, I had to get on meds and see a therapist 2 times a week for 10 months. I got off the meds but kept the therapist for the past 3 years. I can't even remember how I functioned for the first 10 months. My aunt had to come stay with the first month after I completely broke down after the break up. I say all of that so you know you are not alone and it takes time. I know that is hard to hear and not really what you want to hear but it really does. I so feel your pain. I couldn't look at other couples and not think he was happy and moving along just fine. When in reality, he missed me as much as I missed him (didn't know until he broke no contact a year later). If you have a therapist, I would suggest asking them how many people they see in your same position. I promise you, you will feel alot better knowing no one has this relationship thing right and perfect. It will help you when you begin to doubt yourself and have watch how much you can talk about the guy when your friends/family think you should be over it. Or keep coming here...we all know the feelings you are dealing with. Telling someone "get over it", I think, is the harshest thing to hear when you are trying to deal. I know folks mean well, but that should only be said if there is a long term, obvious rut the person has hit. You are no where near there. I just got dumped by a guy almost 5 weeks ago...first guy since the 3 years after my ex. It took me 4 months to FINALLY sincerely open up to him and a week later, he ended it. So now I am dealing with the rejection part mainly. I have seen him twice since and wind up feeling like crap a few days later...today is better than yesterday though. Segdwick...I love your post. They give me inspiration for some reason. Hope all is well with you.
smoochie Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 It's finally over. For real. And I had to be the one to say so, even though I'm the one who wants to make this relationship work out. He told me that he could see me sometimes, but didn't know if he would ever feel romantically about me again. Maybe though. I either had to accept those terms or draw the line. Completely up to me. So I said that it was over. And while I was telling him how much I'd miss him and how difficult this was for me, he just said "Yes" every once in a while. Then he wished me a good weekend and wished me good luck in my plans on becoming a better skiier. And then he said goodbye. When I didn't answer, he said "The least you can do is say goodbye". All I could say is that I didn't want to. (Because I don't. I love him.) So in the end, he hung up on me. And I will never hear from him again. The man I love, the man who loved me. I feel physically ill. My stomach hurts. I feel like I will never be happy again. I feel like I'll never be able to concentrate on anything again. I can't feel joy anymore. I can't eat. I'm tired all the time, but can't sleep when I lie down. In my mind I know this won't last forever, but in my heart I can't imagine when this will end. I feel like the business of living is just a distraction, nothing more. No substance. I've talked the ears off my friends, and soon I'm afraid they'll start avoiding me. There's nothing left to say. There's nothing even left to think, but I still can't stop thinking about it. And I'm certain that he got a good night's sleep and is now going about his business as if nothing has happened. I'm devastated and he's just fine. Painful. So hurtful. Sedona...sorry, that first post was to you. I quoted Sedgwick by mistake. But the last part was for her.
Author sedona Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 If you have a therapist, I would suggest asking them how many people they see in your same position. I promise you, you will feel alot better knowing no one has this relationship thing right and perfect. It will help you when you begin to doubt yourself and have watch how much you can talk about the guy when your friends/family think you should be over it. Or keep coming here...we all know the feelings you are dealing with. Telling someone "get over it", I think, is the harshest thing to hear when you are trying to deal. I know folks mean well, but that should only be said if there is a long term, obvious rut the person has hit. You are no where near there. "Obvious rut." So nice of you to thik I'm not in that category. Except for that I am. I just couldn't stand it and called him. Just a short call on my way home to the kids, so I knew I couldn't talk for long. Just said that I didn't want him to entirely disappear from my life, that it was too painful. He was fine with that but said that I have to decide what I want. He can only give me so much at this point, and I either have to accept that or move on. And then we agreed to talk later. And you know what? I could function again like a half-normal person, and I slept through the night. So I couldn't even make it through one day of NC. And no, I can't ever mention this to my friends. So stupid. I know it's wrong and bad for me in the long run, but I do it anyway. What an idiot I am. I am going to a therapist. I see him for the first time next week. A new experience -I have no idea what to expect, but I'm hoping that he can someone help me take the steps to break out of this cycle. I can't call him again!!!! And I want to stop feeling disappointed when he doesn't call me. In the meantime, I'm using the conversation last night as a crutch so I don't feel the full force of the blow. So now you all know my dirty little secret. I need the relationship equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous. All of your posts have helped. Thank you.
Recommended Posts