ShoeGirl Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 What is with the guys I meet? I went out with some friends on Saturday night and met a guy who was paying a lot of attention to me all night, every time my drink would get low he would get me another (also did this for my best friend which was kinda cute... we didn't mention that we get free drinks at that bar anyway ). I was having fun talking with him so when he asked I gave him my number. So he calls me tonight and about 15 minutes into the conversation he casually mentions that he is married and hopes that I don't mind. I started laughing, I couldn't stop myself. Apparently he wasn't joking. He claims that he is getting a divorce but he hasn't filed yet. What makes someone like him think that anyone would want to start dating a guy who is still married? It doesn't seem like a good start to a relationship to me! He said he's give me a few days to think about it and he'd call back, I told him there wasn't much for me to think about, so it'll be funny if he calls again.
Author ShoeGirl Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 I love your response Thanks, I don't know what he expected me to do/say...
eDave Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) I am laughing. Not at you but at the fact that he thought it would be OK with you. Giving you a few days to "think" about it. What's to think about? That he is soooooo awesome, handsome, generous and honest that within 3 days you will realize Prince Charming might slip through your fingers? I mean come on! Buying you drinks when he SHOULD have known they were free for you. What was he actually doing for you, except for gracing you with his presence. You see what too much confidence does to you Serabella? This has nothing to do with the fun we were having today but I love your "handle" Serabella. Just rolls off the tongue (damn, now I am thinking of our dinner date Friday night. I think this emoticon is appropriate: I'm just playing) Back on topic: So I get seemingly beat up (by the dudes) over my behavior the other night, then there is THIS guy. Now HE would have slept with the woman from my initial post. Jeez! Edited March 12, 2008 by eDave
Mary3 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Hey how about this one. " I go to a Car Wash to get my car cleaned and the owner of the car wash starts talking to me. ( I am totally not a gold digger ) but he pointed out his Hummer. He asks me if I would like to go to lunch sometime. I said " Sure " We met a few days later and were having lunch. He tells me half way into the salad that hes MARRIED ! My jaw dropped. I was speechless. I asked him why he wanted to go out on a date with me and he said : You are cute and friendly and I thought I would give it a shot ". He proceeded to insist he show me his place of buisness. At this point I told him I'm sorry but you are married.I said GoodBye.
Pyro Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 What is with the guys I meet? I went out with some friends on Saturday night and met a guy who was paying a lot of attention to me all night, every time my drink would get low he would get me another (also did this for my best friend which was kinda cute... we didn't mention that we get free drinks at that bar anyway ). I was having fun talking with him so when he asked I gave him my number. So he calls me tonight and about 15 minutes into the conversation he casually mentions that he is married and hopes that I don't mind. I started laughing, I couldn't stop myself. Apparently he wasn't joking. He claims that he is getting a divorce but he hasn't filed yet. What makes someone like him think that anyone would want to start dating a guy who is still married? It doesn't seem like a good start to a relationship to me! He said he's give me a few days to think about it and he'd call back, I told him there wasn't much for me to think about, so it'll be funny if he calls again. :laugh: That is classic. Apparently he thought that he could buy your interest by buying you alcohol all night. I bet he tells alot of women that he is going to file for divorce.
Pyro Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 What is with the guys I meet? I went out with some friends on Saturday night and met a guy who was paying a lot of attention to me all night, every time my drink would get low he would get me another (also did this for my best friend which was kinda cute... we didn't mention that we get free drinks at that bar anyway ). I was having fun talking with him so when he asked I gave him my number. So he calls me tonight and about 15 minutes into the conversation he casually mentions that he is married and hopes that I don't mind. I started laughing, I couldn't stop myself. Apparently he wasn't joking. He claims that he is getting a divorce but he hasn't filed yet. What makes someone like him think that anyone would want to start dating a guy who is still married? It doesn't seem like a good start to a relationship to me! He said he's give me a few days to think about it and he'd call back, I told him there wasn't much for me to think about, so it'll be funny if he calls again. :laugh: That is classic. Apparently he thought that he could buy your interest by buying you alcohol all night. I bet he tells alot of women that he is going to file for divorce.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 What makes someone like him think that anyone would want to start dating a guy who is still married? It doesn't seem like a good start to a relationship to me! . Me neither but you just have to look at the OW section of these boards to see it dose happen. There are some people who don't see marriage as a barrier to starting a new relationship at all. Long as theres people like that there will be guys and I guess women like him out there.
underpants Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Ha, The fun I used to have with this...(insert manical laugh mixed with delightful destruction). If he calls you ...well, you have free will to do as you please. However, you know that you don't want to go ...there. (I hope) Will you have mercy or menace?
Sand&Water Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 RE: Oh. Ah. Didn't expect that one coming. Married? I see. And, what was he thinking going out and mingling with other younger women in his state of "Divorce" and "Regrouping and healing oneself during a tough period in life"? It is interesting to witness, first/second hand, the pace at which men move forward after only having briefly come out of a marriage -or have yet to do so. I have to ask: Did or did you not notice a ring on his finger, ShoeGirl? I know this is somewhat of a ridiculous question, considering he could have easily removed his ring before going out but perhaps, just perhaps, he may have forgotten to remove it. Despeeeerate. Sand&Water
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Even if he IS getting a divorce, you don't want to be the rebound chick! That's tooooo funny. I had three dates with a girl about two months ago and she told me she was married in the middle of the third date - and HAD no intention of getting a divorce. She just left the ring in her purse or whatever and started going out with me. Boggled my mind. If she's cheating on someone, what will stop her from cheating on me? I laughed, too! Then dumped her.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 So.... it sounds like everyone is saying that he should have lied. On some level we need to learn to respect and reward honesty. I mean all this guy is going to take away from this is that honesty doesn't pay. I'm sure if you'd found out he was married three months down the road... this would be a much different story.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 So.... it sounds like everyone is saying that he should have lied. On some level we need to learn to respect and reward honesty. I mean all this guy is going to take away from this is that honesty doesn't pay. I'm sure if you'd found out he was married three months down the road... this would be a much different story. That's not what I said, at least. He should not have lied. He should have waited to start dating until he's out of the relationship he's currently in. Then, no need to lie or be honest or anything else. Divorce her, then move on.
nicki Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I know this type of guy! They simply throw their fishing line (so to speak) into the water to see what they can catch. It's a numbers game for them. In a pool of women, they should be able to snag one morally bankrupt woman with no self-esteem. As another poster said, there are people who will go out with married people. Marriage isn't a barrier to a relationship. Which is crazy. It's poaching, plain and simple. When a married guy comes on to me, I take it as an insult and treat it as such, complete with a drink in the face, a slap and a "You've got a heck of a lot of nerve thinking I look like a mistress!" (ok, that's my fantasy version, but I can give a pretty good look of disgust, throw some money down for the drink, and beat a hasty retreat, indignantly and loudly clicking my heels on the floor as I walk/wiggle away.) Really, it's beyond me how any woman could take a guy like that seriously. He will go for ANY woman who will let him. Way to feel special. What a loser. I'll step down from my soap box now...
Cobra_X30 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 That's not what I said, at least. He should not have lied. He should have waited to start dating until he's out of the relationship he's currently in. Then, no need to lie or be honest or anything else. Divorce her, then move on. Oh, sorry Nu... I wasn't referencing you in particular. I pretty much agree that he should give it some time. In fact I would not recommend any woman date him at this point. However, I also don't think she should mock his honesty... if that makes sense.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Oh, sorry Nu... I wasn't referencing you in particular. I pretty much agree that he should give it some time. In fact I would not recommend any woman date him at this point. However, I also don't think she should mock his honesty... if that makes sense. No, that makes complete sense. I've actually been in that guy's shoes, sort of. My wife left for another guy. The divorce process took quite a while. I was definitely tempted to date during that time. As fate would have it, though, that was tax season and I didn't really leave the office except to shower and sleep. I would have hated to have a woman laugh at me during that period. That would have seemed pretty rude.
Pyro Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Oh, sorry Nu... I wasn't referencing you in particular. I pretty much agree that he should give it some time. In fact I would not recommend any woman date him at this point. However, I also don't think she should mock his honesty... if that makes sense. I never said that he should have lied either. Most people won't date someone if they are still married or involved with someone, so I don't agree that she shouldn't mock his honesty.
StartingOver07 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 In some places, if you are not filing for "grounds" it can take two years of being legally separated before you can file for divorce. So there are instances where it might be reasonable for someone to be legally married but dating (and emotionally available). The problem is that all the people who have lied about their availability -- whether legal or emotional or both -- have tainted the pool for everyone else. So when we hear that ShoeGirl's guy said he was married but hadn't filed yet, we assume he's one of the creeps, but he could be just an honest guy who is truly done with his marriage. There's no way to tell and SG is right to be cautious.
Author ShoeGirl Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 I have to admit I wasn't looking for a ring, but I didn't notice one and he kept grabbing my hands so I think I would have seen it if he had one on. I found out more information today that was odd. He is an old high school friend of my best friend's boyfriend, Mike. Mike hasn't talked to this guy much in the last 5 years but he told Mike that he got divorced last year after 6 months of being married (so why would he tell me that he is still married??) and was interested in meeting some decent girls. So Mike invited him to the bar so he could hang out. Mike didn't intend on him wanting to date me in particular, but he thought it might happen. This guy didn't talk to Mike at all when I was there that I know of so I didn't know there was a connection. I told Mike today that he told me he was still married and he was confused and said he didn't blame me for not wanting to be around him.
SeraBella Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I have to admit I wasn't looking for a ring, but I didn't notice one and he kept grabbing my hands so I think I would have seen it if he had one on. I found out more information today that was odd. He is an old high school friend of my best friend's boyfriend, Mike. Mike hasn't talked to this guy much in the last 5 years but he told Mike that he got divorced last year after 6 months of being married (so why would he tell me that he is still married??) and was interested in meeting some decent girls. So Mike invited him to the bar so he could hang out. Mike didn't intend on him wanting to date me in particular, but he thought it might happen. This guy didn't talk to Mike at all when I was there that I know of so I didn't know there was a connection. I told Mike today that he told me he was still married and he was confused and said he didn't blame me for not wanting to be around him. Maybe he told Mike he was GETTING divorced after 6 months of being married. Men seem to forget exact details or get them not quite right...because what does it really matter to Mike to remember if this guy is getting divorced or actually is, ya know?
Author ShoeGirl Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Maybe he told Mike he was GETTING divorced after 6 months of being married. Men seem to forget exact details or get them not quite right...because what does it really matter to Mike to remember if this guy is getting divorced or actually is, ya know? I am pretty sure that Mike heard him correctly, he usually remembers thing really well. Mike is a little protective of me, especially since I broke up with my ex, if there was any doubt in his mind that this guy wasn't really divorced I doubt he would have let it go that far. Mike was sitting 5 feet from me most of the night so he knew what was going on.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 So.... it sounds like everyone is saying that he should have lied. On some level we need to learn to respect and reward honesty. I mean all this guy is going to take away from this is that honesty doesn't pay. I'm sure if you'd found out he was married three months down the road... this would be a much different story. What about the honestly hes not showing his wife?
Pyro Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I have to admit I wasn't looking for a ring, but I didn't notice one and he kept grabbing my hands so I think I would have seen it if he had one on. I found out more information today that was odd. He is an old high school friend of my best friend's boyfriend, Mike. Mike hasn't talked to this guy much in the last 5 years but he told Mike that he got divorced last year after 6 months of being married (so why would he tell me that he is still married??) and was interested in meeting some decent girls. So Mike invited him to the bar so he could hang out. Mike didn't intend on him wanting to date me in particular, but he thought it might happen. This guy didn't talk to Mike at all when I was there that I know of so I didn't know there was a connection. I told Mike today that he told me he was still married and he was confused and said he didn't blame me for not wanting to be around him. Maybe this is his second marriage, which is another red flag being he got married so soon after the first one. Whatever it may be, this guy sounds like trouble and you are doing the right thing by keeping your distance.
City_girl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Personally I would ask him for his wife's number just so you could clear it with her lmao See what the reaction is to that
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