Koshka Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I haven’t been going out with him for long, about 2 months. The first month I was absolutely head over heels for him, I felt like I loved him. He lives in PA and I live in GA however. Anyway, about three weeks in he said he wanted to come and see me. Before he’d said this, we had talked about having sex (I know, it sounds ridiculous because we live so far away.. but we talked about it anyway.) But this past month I have seriously regretted encouraging him. I feel completely different now. I have nothing in common with him, I think I just liked feeling like someone thought I was worth a long distance relationship for. But he has told me that he loves me and he is buying me a ring for “commitment” and I am a little worried. I am pretty sure he expects us to have sex when he comes down (yes, he still plans to come down) and I understand why. I led him on, not purposefully, but I did. And now I don’t know how to tell him no. It gets worse. During the first 3 weeks I sent him a photo of myself with little clothing on. He knows my friend, who also lives in PA. So now I’m terrified that if I do say something it will get out. I know this is not a reason at all to ignore the problem, I’d just love a solution that works around it. I need help. I do care for him, but I can’t go through with this.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 First of all - how old are you? Secondly I am going to assume you met online, and have never seen each other face to face. Frankly I think telling him exactly what you said above is perfectly fine. Simply say you got caught up in the moment, but now regret it, and are a bit afraid. Guys don't like to scare women - so that's a fairly good line (helps that it's the truth). Tell him you think it all moved too fast, and you would like to possibly be friends, but at this point don't think anything further can happen. I agree you led him on, and hopefully you have now learned not to do that, so to cause the least amount of damage, tell him now, before he travels to see you. If you wait until he is there, you will have led him on even more. Good luck.
daisygirl Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Ok, so maybe you led him on, but you didn't do it purposely. You just got caught up in things, and now you want to stop it before it goes further. You have every right to do that without feeling bad! Like the previous post said, just tell him before he comes there, otherwise it will be harder. I wouldn't worry about the pic too much. I would hope he wouldn't be that immature, but then again, I don't know him.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Too soon! Too soon! Ring? RUN, FOREST! Seriously, just tell him how you feel and that you don't think it will work out. Nothing too hard about that. Well, it may be hard, but it won't get any easier.
prideandcourage Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I had someone do almost this exact same thing to me just recently. And to tell you the truth I hate her guts, and wish her terrible terrible things. Putting me through that whether intentional or not is a horrible feeling (especially for a first relationship). The best thing to do is just to get it out. I was lied to and it made it worse. Just say exactly how you feel, but stress that you never meant to do it and PLEAD for forgiveness. You need to communicate that he still matters to you, but you don't want a relationship anymore. But none of the lame "you're not a horrible guy really..." kind of crap. Tell him the things that you appreciated but why you don't think it would work. He'll be crushed I'm sure, but as soon as you've made the realization you have, you've got to break it off. I hope he's stronger than I am, or else this is going to be pretty hard for him. I hope you've learned a lesson from this, I'd hate for someone else to be the victim of this kind of thing.
daisygirl Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 but stress that you never meant to do it and PLEAD for forgiveness. I'm sorry, but I have to disagree here. I don't think you need to "plead" for forgiveness - seriously. You've only been going out for 2 months, pleading is not necessary, IMO, just an honest explanation of how you feel.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Nah, I agree. No need to pray for forgiveness. Someone who offers you any type of ring after two months needs to see a therapist. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and dream. It happens. It sounds like that's what's happened here. Everyone does it at some point. You've not done anything for which you should apologize.
prideandcourage Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I don't necessarily mean plead for forgiveness exactly. But do your best to communicate how sorry you are you unknowingly played games with his head. Trust me, it'll help, if only in terms of damage control seeing as how he knows your friend and has that photo. And DON'T say that you never felt anything for him, just say that you realized you two weren't as compatible as you thought. For a 2 month long distance relationship he's certainly a little out of hand with the ring and such, but that is only going to make what you're going to say that much harder for him to take.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 If he offered a ring after two months, he played his own game, alone, in his head.
prideandcourage Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 And that makes his feelings irrelevant? If she thinks he's a decent guy I feel she has a duty to at least take his feelings into account.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 There is something wrong with him to offer to buy a ring after two months. She doesn't know him from Adam, and that is just dangerous. You know, in the zoos, the "don't feed the animals" signs? That applies here.
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Ooops another story of Mr. Wussy aka commitment ring and Mrs. Tease aka Im not responsible for my actions. Tell him you met someone else, to stuff the ring up his as* and that you get nasty rash down there anyway. And make him a favour and tell him not to be such a sucker - that could wake him up.
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 And that makes his feelings irrelevant? If she thinks he's a decent guy I feel she has a duty to at least take his feelings into account. She either takes his penis...to account or she strings him along like proper AW. Or she tells him to read something about Survival of Species in Mating Arena.
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 First of all - how old are you? Secondly I am going to assume you met online, and have never seen each other face to face. Frankly I think telling him exactly what you said above is perfectly fine. Simply say you got caught up in the moment, but now regret it, and are a bit afraid. Guys don't like to scare women - so that's a fairly good line (helps that it's the truth). Tell him you think it all moved too fast, and you would like to possibly be friends, but at this point don't think anything further can happen. I agree you led him on, and hopefully you have now learned not to do that, so to cause the least amount of damage, tell him now, before he travels to see you. If you wait until he is there, you will have led him on even more. Good luck. Thats the worst think you can tell a guy actually. No offence, curiousnycgilr. Even you suggest it is manipulative/lie....guys dont like to scare girls. It is not like she is scared he will saw her to pieces is it? Girls are scared of guys who buy commitment rings to girls they dont even know. Either give him reality check or simply dont answer the phone.
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 And that makes his feelings irrelevant? If she thinks he's a decent guy I feel she has a duty to at least take his feelings into account. It is decent thing to apologize for wasting someones time, effort and in this example even feelings, thats true. Let him know you are decent girl.
coasterchris Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 If he brings it up, tell him you'll be happy to oblige once you're married.
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