4givrnt4gtr Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 So, yesterday, as I was doing what I do at work...which as a receptionist is pretty much nothing, my bf aimed me. After some idle chat about how his mom is at his place for the week, and me saying it'll be a sad week since I wont be able to see him, he asked me to come over last night, to meet his mother...right then and there.... So, ok time for quick background. BF is Indian, born and raised there. For him his family is extremely important, and has never brought a girl home, not even as a friend. At the begining he told me he would only bring a girl he seriously thought of to marry. I accepted that and never pushed him to introduce me to his family. So sometime in December he told me he was thinking of introducing me to his older brother, which he did on New Year's Eve. Then last saturday he told me he wanted to move the relationship forward but that he needed the full support of his family (since im not Indian, his mom has some reservations about the culture etc). He told me he wanted me to meet his parents, but didnt mention as to when. ...and then I guess he wanted to do that sooner than i expected. Anyway, total nervewrecking thing. I could also tell he was VERY nervous...since as he puts it, its very very important for him that his family accept me. He feels like he couldnt handle the stress of his mom or whole family nagging him about who he is with. To my surprise his mom turned out to be very modern...well more than I expected, and very nice. However she did make comments and questions that alluded as to what she wanted for his son (no divorce, close family, someone who can take good care of him...a bit old fashioned, but expected). Anyway, overall, it went pretty ok...She gave us some food and encouraged me to try new food. Now, I did my best to put the best foot forward...yet that made me feel a bit...fake. Like...even though i loved the food, telling her I loved it made me feel like i was kissing A**. ( I did anyway). Just felt like i was trying too hard to impress her...though I dont know why i feel that way. I just talked to her, asked her about her upcoming trip etc. Anyway, so at the end of the night my bf walked me down to my car. He commented that I did alright. I joked that i didnt know i was being graded, he laughed, then said that it wasnt that, it was more like...it could have been worse . I asked him what he meant, and then he said "nothing, lets just see what she thinks". THat made me nervous. So i continued asking if i should have done something differently, and he said "well, no, it is what it is, at least you didnt say the wrong things". I was kinda shocked. It sorta made me feel like i did something wrong that i wasnt aware of. (I didnt touch him/kiss him/hug him at all btw). He wouldnt tell me what I did wrong, nor can I think about it. Im wondering if i truly did something wrong, or if he was just nervous and felt insecured of what his mom would think of me....??
carhill Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Take a deep breath..... What were your instincts regarding his mother? Remember, according to BF, you're the "first". Imagine how she felt. He's her "boy. The family is going to talk about you. That's what they do . There will be other meetings and events and you'll participate. Be yourself. Your BF loves you, not an automated response to his family. They'll likely challenge you. Composure If you haven't already, learn some Indian customs and traditions. Perhaps learn a few symbols of respect and appreciation for your BF's mother and share them with her in the future. As an example (not Indian), in certain cultures it's appropriate for a gentleman visiting his lady to bring flowers also for her mother if they live in the same household. It is a symbol of respect. The type and color of the flowers is specific and different from that given to his lady. Delivering the flowers with a few words of respect in the mother's native language works wonders for reciprocal appreciation Remember how important you must be for your BF to introduce you to his mother. That's a big step. Enjoy!
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair. I've taken women to hang out with mom and mom completely didn't approve, but she put up with them anyways. He's going to be living with you if you guys make it that far. Hopefully, (cross your fingers) you will not be living with his mom. Don't worry about it. Not a bit.
Kamille Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I think it sounds like it went well and I think you're making too much of his parting comments. It was a big step for him too. You have to remember that when he said that, he was likely as nervous as you are to find out if his mom was going to put up a front or not. Now, your nervousness and eagerness to please (which you describe as you feeling fake) likely will strike points in your favor. It shows you care and want to be part of the family. Anyways, congrats on that first meeting the mother.
Kamille Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 I'm bumping this up because I'm curious to know if 4giv ever found out what the mother's verdict was???
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted March 16, 2008 Author Posted March 16, 2008 I'm bumping this up because I'm curious to know if 4giv ever found out what the mother's verdict was??? haha thanks for the bump Kamille! I havent actually seen my bf since the meeting with his mom, as she decided to spend the whole week with him. BUT he has kept in contact every day, as sweet as ever, which probably wouldnt have happened had his mom said "what in the world are you doing" Anyway, after talking to him twice and him not mentioning anything about his mom's appraisal, I had to ask him. I asked what she had said and he said she hadnt said much, which was good. He then said she had liked me, but not much more info than that. (I would have liked more of a "ohhh she ADORED you! couldnt stop raving about you!!!" but i guess thats too much to ask for huh lol ) So, so far so good, I get to see him again monday after his relatives go home sunday nite, and then hopefully I get the whole shebang. I will for sure keep you all posted
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