stlnsmile Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 We've been broken up for three months now......I'm doing fine, I don't know why, I just am.....I'm ready to move on, realizing it is what I... want now.....he was a jerk.....but I'm sad because I just don't feel like "its" gonna ever happen for me again. I meet guys, and they are unavailable, or I'm too shy to talk to them, but I make myself anyway......honestly......I just feel like I am never ever going to find love ever again......that no one is ever going to look at me that way again.......that no one is going to accept me for who I am the way he did........but the truth is, he never really accepted me.....he just pretended to accept me. I just want to know there is hope, because today......I need hope......I'm tired of sitting at home on Friday nights......I go out with friends when they can.....but you know what I mean......I'de like to at least have a prospect. Tired of being lonely. I'm in a dating desert.......aaaahhhh!!!!!
SarahT111 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Ahh i feel EXACTALLY the same way as you!!!!! Im really sorry you are going through this
mistie03 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 It will happen. Give it time. Just forget about finding someone and you will when you least expect it. Don't let the negativity hold you back. Sometimes, having the thought that you won't find anyone makes it true. I have been broken up for a few months (since the holidays) and I am not ready to date yet. I need some time to sort through everything. He still has a lot of stuff stored here too. We will have to deal with that at some point. We aren't even calling each other any more.
AvgJoeDoe Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 yah dont give up on yourself, work on being the confident person that you were on your peak of life and think positively.Thats a turn on for some of us guys.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 yeah......thats what I am trying to do, when we were together, I lost my smile, there was just way too much drama.......thats why I picked stlnsmile.....I'm just trying to be happy now....and do what I want for a change....get closer with my friends, and focus on college, but I just get so lonely sometimes. My friends obviously can not go out everyday, or every Friday for that matter......so it just sort of sucks being on my own again, not because I don't like my life.......I do......I just get lonely sometimes. Also because I am shy, I am afraid no guys are going to notice me. I do talk to guys at school, but they just never seem interested, and I have to say, I am not ugly or anything. Do I have the big "You just got dumped" sign on my head still??????
Author stlnsmile Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 I wrote this thread a long time ago and no one ever answered, obviously I never did anything about it......but still wonder if that day......he wanted to talk? So just wanted your input.......here's the link. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=142175&referrerid=48996 Hope thats the right way to do that. I just would have loved to have had that chance.....I know now obviously if he wanted, he knows where I am, so I don't concern myself anymore with what he thinks in his own head, its none of my business. But still currious in my own mind about that day.
aln186 Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Definitely work on you. It's not so much a "find a guy" issue as it is a YOU issue. Relationships take a lot out of us... we give and give and sometimes we lose our sense of self in the whole thing. I'm a guy and believe it or not but... it does come across when you try too hard. Be yourself and just wait for the guy that loves "that" person to come along. Don't look too hard for love... it's what happens when you're busy doing other things.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Been thinking so much about what you said.....love happens when your busy doing other things........its so true.......last night was a hard night......had one of those dreams.......I know the dreams are just going to happen......but they are so real.....and they hurt. I don't want to date him again......I know that......he's too narcissistic. And, I'm realy happy right now....and going back down that road would just be pointless.......but those dreams realy do suck. You wake up and realize that today is just another day, in a a future of thousands of days, where they will never be in your life again. And you get up and shower and dress and pack your things for your day, and you breeth like you have a thousand days before and you go on.......and eventually I smile and know this is what is best. Most days I think of him very little, but on those dream days.....it brings it all back so clearly. I also ran into a picture that was still in a folder of pictures on my computer yesterday, which was realy hard too.......I guess thats why the dream happened. I had deleted everything I thought......I know I will never be 100 percent over it, he was my first love. The picture was of us camping, and he was laying down on the ground and I was kneeling beside him, holding his head and had my hand on his chest, It just brought back so many memories of how I always took care of him, I don't know why he could never see that, he only saw what I wasn't. I wish I had not seen that picture, I deleted it. I don't know why these things happen, becuase I really have been 100 percent okay. I guess this whole situation is made 100 times harder because he lives on my street if you can believe it.....and he knows when I don't go out on Friday nights if he drives by.......so there is a humiliation factor too. I'm okay alone......I know that it is what is ment to be right now.....I need time to totaly get over every thing and figure out who I am completely before I can let someone into my heart again. If I was 100 percent over it, I would not have dreams anymore I would think or care at all if I saw a picture. Like you said, relationships take a lot out of YOU.....I know I am not the same person I was when he and I met.......it changed me.....and not for the better......I am cynical now where I never was before. But let me tell you everyone, if you think its hard to be broken up with and see your guy with someone else, imadgine if he lived on your street and went to your school and you had to stay away even when you did not want to, he's on your street and you could just walk over anytime, and you can't, you know you just can't, talk about cruel and inhumane tourture. Imadgine that he doesn't date anyone at all after the break up, so you get to know that its not some girl that turned his head, its just his complete revoltion of you as a person. I know many people who hurt so bad on this forum when they find out their ex is with someone so soon after......you know, now....I would be grateful to know he was with someone the whole time.....then at least it would not have just been about me as a person. He hated me. I'm sorry guys, just a realy bad day.
Belkin Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 But let me tell you everyone, if you think its hard to be broken up with and see your guy with someone else, imagine if he lived on your street and went to your school and you had to stay away even when you did not want to, he's on your street and you could just walk over anytime, and you can't, you know you just can't, talk about cruel and inhumane torture. Now now, it could be worse! Imagine if your ex gf lived across the corridor from you, a mere 5 seconds away. And imagine she also went to the same school as you. And that she was your first love too. Well that's my case So you're not alone in this "my ex is so close to me. I want to ignore him/her, but I can't because I still see and hear him/her everyday." As for Imagine that he doesn't date anyone at all after the break up, so you get to know that its not some girl that turned his head, its just his complete revoltion of you as a person. I know many people who hurt so bad on this forum when they find out their ex is with someone so soon after......you know, now....I would be grateful to know he was with someone the whole time..... I can't really say. I just assure you that knowing for sure that she is sleeping with him when I go to bed, alone, is torture enough. The lies, the treachery are awful. I would so much have preferred that she had been true to her word and had in fact no one in mind when she dumped me.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 I understand...believe me I do, the idea of him with someone else, when I know he is for sure, will kill me.....for a long time.....but then at least I get to know its about him (or her) being a jerk......when he's with no one, all I know is he who said he loved me, was in truth, revolted by who I was. I mean can you understand what it feels like to know, it was you, who YOU were....that made him sick? And here is the funny part, all I ever was was good to him....too good. I know it sounds horrible to say, but let me tell you, I know that he was so arrogant and full of himself, and I never want that type of person in my life again.....and thats why this was allowed to happen, so I would learn that. I am sorry you hurt so much, believe me I understand, it would hurt either way.......just remember you are so good to have loved so much, and any one who can walk away from love, does just that, walks away from love, and eventually they will realize thats all they did. You are a great person with a great heart, its good to know there are good guys left in the world who are capable of real love, it gives me hope. I was starting to wonder:~) And oh, I might have a date for Friday night.........yeeeaahhhh me!
Belkin Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 You are a great person with a great heart, its good to know there are good guys left in the world who are capable of real love, it gives me hope. I was starting to wonder:~) Thanks And don't worry, there are also great guys around where you live, too (at least I hope so...) ! I was just wondering, why do you think you "make him sick" and that he hates you now? Just because he doesn't feel the same attraction towards you as in the beginning doesn't mean you completely and totally disgust him you know! Unless there's something I missed of course... You're just 17 anyway, barely starting your adult life. Try to look at this relationship as an enriching experience. I'm sure you've learned a lot, and your next bf (he's closer than you think!) will benefit from all this. At least I'm sure my next gf (I don't know who she is yet, but I know she's out there!) will be a very lucky girl And if we breakup (which, let's face it, is highly probable) I'll live through it so much better than right now. Keep posting!
Author stlnsmile Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 Well lets see, he was an athlete, I was not, he was really out going, I was not, I was shy, he was a basic over achiever and I was not, his parents raised him like they were raising the presidents son or something, its not a bad thing, its what attracted me to him in the first place. I really tried to be all I could be in the relationship, became more out going, became less shy, tried sports, and when I say I didn't do sports, I'm just the more artistic type, dance for 9 yrs, art, photography, and I do get good grades, but he's the type, you just can't keep up with. Towards the end, it was the things I couldn't be that made him not like me. He never saw my heart, only the things he felt I should do that I wasn't. When he broke up of course he said he wanted to be "my best friend, I'll always be in your life", never spoke to me again. Its not like I was dragging him down, I was pretty independant and did not care what he did, but he certainly cared about the fact that I wasn't as stellar as he was. Just so you know I also play soccer, and volleyball, just not high school.......so I do stuff.......but he was "Perfect." Varsity this, varsity that, captain of this, captain of that. I was proud of him, but he could never be proud of my achievements because they were different, he actually teased me to his brother one day "see J, I told you dance was a sport, hehe"...that kind of cr**! It just made me see that in his eyes I would have never been good enough no matter what I did. He couldn't see that I was always there for him, and cared about him.....his parents could have cared less about his feelings, all they cared about was what he achieved, I cared for him, not because of what he did, but for who he was. It didn't matter. He had been raised that way too long. He was raised to not express feelings or emotions, always move on to the next thing, never think about much, like a train chugging along. He seemed to express emotions......but they were never deep.....it just took me a really long time to see everything, because I loved him. He was the kind of guy who did everything right, showed up on time, said all the right words, always smiled, always touched, always bought me presents, chased after me, chased after me if I was mad at him for something, I mean it seemed so perfect.......but that the important word, SEEMED. Inside......there was nothing. He showed that to me the day he walked away and never spoke to me again......I mean after a year and 3 mo. he felt NOTHING. And to this day, has not. He didn't even miss the friendship we had, and we were friends. He sees me now at school and does stupid cr** like come up and hit me with his shirt and says "Hey", but thats it. He never has even tried to speak to me......so why would I ever want someone like that, who is so shallow, who has so few feelings, who lied to me for months. He said he wasn't feeling it for 4 months....okay bonehead, then say so......how hard is it. I hate talking about all of this, because its the past......the past is the past and I want to leave it there. I care about him as a human being, but thats about it. I'm glad in a way I went through this because I will never pick someone so shallow again. I know that for certain. I know life is going to bring a whole lot of things my way, I just have to wait until its time. And like I said.....I have a date Friday....nothing major......but still, fun for once.
bejshermanoaks Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 There is a wonderful quote I love sweetheart it goes "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". So, be positive, cause maybe if you believed that one of these "unavailible" guys are actually availible, they might just be...i think this is a case of perspective getting in the way of reality..also, try being a little more forward. I know its hard if youre shy, but just give it a shot in baby steps...good luck love...
LuCidiTy Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 it'll happen. but i know exactly how you feel. had a self-pitying moment of "why for once can't i find someone who will stay/be in the right place when i am/love me back/put up with me the way i am" the other day. i screeched and ran away from it because it's pointless to dwell on that stuff no matter how and why you get to it. it just always sucks when it doesn't happen when you want it to or when you've found the right one for you but he doesn't feel the same. what's helped me a lot in the last week is to think of the situation in reverse...to put myself in his place and think of the men who wanted me or loved me that i didn't feel the same way about. it gave me more perspective and understanding of what he must be going through and how he feels and takes some of that self-deprecation and self-pitying away from me. sometimes it just doesn't work, ya know? and it might not even matter why. and getting back to your original point, it will happen...all it takes is two people in that right place at the same time and wham! magic.
Author stlnsmile Posted March 17, 2008 Author Posted March 17, 2008 I don't know why the last few day have been hard. Like I said, I realy do not want him back, because I know what I would get.......him......and he is not what I want. Never the less, I loved him.......and I keep remembering all of the good times.......not the bad. I guess its doubled by the fact that I am just lonely. I just want someone to hold.......but I know this is not the right time for me......I'm just not 100 percent over it, I still find myself thinking I'm not good enough because I can not compare to him. I can't do this thing or that thing that he could do. I hate that I am so not noticed at school, but because I transfered late in my 10th grade year.....most people had their groups of friends already, that they had known since middle school, and its just hard to find friends. I do have friends......three really close friends, and a bunch of casual "hey how are you friends", I also play a varsity sport, so I have friends on the team......but not close. The three close friends I have are very busy, so I can only go out once every other week or so. I am making more friends, but I am the type who likes quality over quantity. So its just hard. I hate being so alone. It easy when you have never had so much closeness with someone, not to miss it. But once you have it.......its so hard to live in the void. I have been okay during the day, and during sports after school, because I am busy......its the weekends that suck. I want someone to watch a good movie with and snuggle. I guess I'm just going to have to wait until someone above decides its my time. I am fortunate that my parents have a lot of things for me to do right now, and have been keeping me busy, but I am sure you know its not the same. Ahhhh......well......it is what it is......this is my life and I better get used to it. I hope someday that I won't hurt at all over him, but I know its way too soon for that. I still think of him and miss him and want him.......its just that I know him.......and he wasn't right for me. So if I know that......if I really know that......and I know I would not take him back........why the hell does it still hurt? Well, I guess its one of those times to just get up and go do something......no point sitting here torturing myself.
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