Jasmine8719 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 So, I'm not use to my boyfriend going out to the club with his friends or a lounge, and I don't have a problem with it, I dont think?...I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we have a great relationship...he's never done anything to make me think I couldn't trust him...Were really good at giving eachother our space, I'm totally fine with him hanging out with his friends... and he does..and we spend a good amount of time together as well, and I have time with my friends too. So our time is evenly shared , so everyones happy..But now since he isnt obligated to work at nights (he works for his dad for the washington post) he can go out to the clubs and bars on the weekend more. which is fine...but when it comes to drinking and especially with his friends...I'm more weary....I trust my boyfriend I do... I have never been out with him to a club or a bar because I'm not old enough (I'm 20 he's 23) so I've never seen him in that environment, so I'm a little scared and I guess less trusting?...Is that right? Of course I'm not going to say no don't go....even though deep down inside I dont want him to go, but I do want him to have fun with his friends; which he rarely gets to go out like this...so do guys totally change when they get drunk? When someone says oh I didn't know what I was doing I was drunk? Is that a real excuse?
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 When someone says oh I didn't know what I was doing I was drunk? Is that a real excuse? Alcohol is an amplifier and a depressant. If you're prone to being loose, you will be more loose. If you're prone to being loud and obnoxious, same thing happens. So, no, it's not justifiable. People use it as an exuse for unacceptable behaviour.
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 It really depends on how much a person drinks. Once I downed a half a bottle of 100 proof bourbon and I blacked out. But to be fair, a person has to drink a helluva lot - this usually only happens with alcoholics, though.
DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 It usually happens when the one doesnt want to remember I doubt he is banging some chicks in a club. They would have to be too ugly or too drunk or prostitutes to give him any. It is not 60s anymore. Is he still good to you? That is what really matters and it is the only lie detector. If he become distant then whatever he says or swears doesnt matter. Dont worry.
Author Jasmine8719 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Oh he's still great to me! I mean I guess were past the "honeymoon phase" He doesnt bring me flowers every week like he did the first couple of months ( I know that had to stop eventually) lol but he does still surprise me occasionally...he still tells me he loves me, and that I'm beautiful, we still flirt and always says that I'm his better half around his family and friends...I mean our relationship is good...he's obviously not perfect, but he tries I really can say he tries..I dont think I could ask for anything better...But it just scares the crap outta me to think all of this could be over; just like that! ya know..I do trust him, maybe I need a little reasurance, but I always need reasurance about everything; I annoy my self with that...I dunno I think I need something to do besides work and school, maybe I'll start playing tennis again...Thanks for your guys post so far I appreciate it :-)
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 jasmine, if he's going to cheat, he'll do it regardless if he goes to the bar or not. If you judge him to not be like that, you have to trust in your judgement.
themessenger Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 The problem i have with liquor is i get angry easier. I yell instead of talk. Its a factor in the reason why my whatever she is called isnt speaking to me now. Alchol doesn't make me anymore horny but I guess it makes me make poor decisions. The point is if i was going to cheat alchol wouldn't be the reason. will it raise the chances? slightly. but this guy doesn't seem to have that burried in his self consious. just keep him away from the extasy lol
Hoffle Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Different drinks have different effects on people, but ultimately if a person knows he/she might be a bit rawdy with a bit/alot of tipple inside of them, then they should try and control their in-take of drink. I personally know what I'm doing when I'm drunk, even if I don't remember it in the morning. However when I'm smashed, I just don't give a monkey's, and I think a lot of people are like that, too.
NuTuDating Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 There's honestly no good way to predict what alcohol will do to any one person unless you observe past history. This doesn't seem to be an option for you unless you two drink together with friends on occassion and you can see how he behaves.
DogMetal Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I know when I am drunk I am fully aware of what I am doing. But if I get so drunk I cannot remember, then the answer is no, so there is like a limit. I drank half a bottle of Southern Comfort growing up, and was told i did things I did not remember, including punching a friend and pissing myself. I never got drunk again. But when I'm consciously drunk, believe me, I know what I'm doing and remember too.
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 So, I'm not use to my boyfriend going out to the club with his friends or a lounge, and I don't have a problem with it, I dont think.. Yes you DO have a problem with his going out and drinking - that is why you posted here. OK lets find a way of dealing here. So it is NOT ok with you if he cheats when drunk ? Is that the case or are you waiting for someone here to decide on your moral code ? Not clear? Ask yourself how YOU would feel the next day if YOU got drunk with your girls and went to a hot guys place and F**ked him.. Your answer to this question IS your moral code, and the same code needs to apply to your boyfriend . You need to make it clear to him EXACTLY what you expect of him when he is drinking with his bud's . Do not whine or nag or sugarcoat this. Just tell him in your own words what is acceptable and what is not.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Well, she doesn't have any reason to believe he's out ****ing other women. That's absurd. She's not said that she's worried about this for any particular reason. There's nothing wrong with a boy's night out. Things to consider: 1) Are his friends single or in relationships? If they're "taken" then they're less likely as a group to go searching for girls. 2) Most places allow 18 year olds to get in, but not buy beer. Ever thought about GOING WITH HIM? Sure, YOU won't be able to drink, but you can watch him. I've taken girls on "boys' nights our before". Sure, they razzed me to no end, but at the end of the night, the girl usually thought I was more fun to be around and the guys went home to rosy palms.
Legend Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Everyone knows when they're getting drunk... It's like saying "blue balls" is real. Sounds like he was lying to ya.
Author Jasmine8719 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 yeah I really have no reason not to trust him....and yeah his friends are single and it is a guys night out...which I really don't have a problem with that...and I can't go with with them I live in VA near DC...and you seriously have to be 21 to get into bars and clubs on fridays and saturdays...I even went with him to a restaurant for lunch at sat at the bar and I couldn't even sit there because I wasn't 21 even though I wasn't ordering an alcoholic drink ...so I really don't have any way around this...I just have to wait 9 more months..not too bad I guess lol..I have seen him drunk before with his friends and he's just seem really cool and ya know relaxed joking with his friends n stuff...so i think it will be okay...thanks everyone for your insight i really appreciate it! -Jasmine
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