pickleeater Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 new to this on-line chat stuff, but i'll give it my best shot. too make a long story short, my (x)gf and i have dated for more than a couple years. she is a very upbeat, energetic, caring, and loving, ect. person. she was what i thought was my other half. she completed me. so i thought. i found out that she cheated on me about a month ago. yes i found out, she didn't tell me,and i think that is what hurts the most. i asked her ahead of time if there was someone else and she always said no. why do i feel to blame for not trying harder? she has never acted this way b4 and now that she has i question everything? i have been in a long term relationship before, but we both felt like it was over and it was. with this girl everything seemed so right. i litterally feel like she walked into my dreams and my life was set. now she spit in my face and all i do is take it. she has done the worst thing she could have done but i feel like i need to give us a second chance? is it worth it or is a second chance just a way of proving it's not meant to be? for the record: she said that she doesn't want to see the other guy anymore,ever. she knows what she did was a big mistake and says that she is going to prove that to me. she feels the same way as i do about living our lives together.(so she says) we will be going to counceling
Jade 02 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Well good luck to you both. I hp it gets better for you two.
CaliGuy Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 new to this on-line chat stuff, but i'll give it my best shot. too make a long story short, my (x)gf and i have dated for more than a couple years. she is a very upbeat, energetic, caring, and loving, ect. person. she was what i thought was my other half. she completed me. so i thought. i found out that she cheated on me about a month ago. yes i found out, she didn't tell me,and i think that is what hurts the most. i asked her ahead of time if there was someone else and she always said no. why do i feel to blame for not trying harder? she has never acted this way b4 and now that she has i question everything? i have been in a long term relationship before, but we both felt like it was over and it was. with this girl everything seemed so right. i litterally feel like she walked into my dreams and my life was set. now she spit in my face and all i do is take it. she has done the worst thing she could have done but i feel like i need to give us a second chance? is it worth it or is a second chance just a way of proving it's not meant to be? for the record: she said that she doesn't want to see the other guy anymore,ever. she knows what she did was a big mistake and says that she is going to prove that to me. she feels the same way as i do about living our lives together.(so she says) we will be going to counceling I say no. Walk away now and keep your dignity in tact. She has proven through her actions that she can not be trusted and you will never, ever trust her completely again. Do you want to have a relationship with this woman where, even if you don't question her out loud, internally you will be questionning her every move? I doubt it. Without trust there can not be love. Without love there can be no relationship. I personally think you're a lot better off leaving her behind and looking forward to a future with someone else.
s_n_d Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 CaliGuy is right. You dont HAVE to give her a second chance because she proved that doesnt deserve it. Ofcourse its up to you though. Despite everything my ex has done to me (emotionally), I still want to work things out with him and Im sure Id take him back, after much contemplation ofcourse..Im the kind of person who doesnt hold grudges or hates anyone.
themessenger Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Are you saying that she can never be trusted again? I mean because of this she has to just go on not being trusted by anyone ever again? I mean I hear what your saying. just would like you to expand. I mean she can't prove herself to him and give him a reason not to internaly question her?
Author pickleeater Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 i appreciate everbody's thoughts and opinions. i know that each day has been a roller coaster of emotions, and to make a rational decision right now is very hard to accept either way. i am going to see how the counceling goes and see how that opens my eyes. All i know is that i gave and still do give all of my love, but once it is gone it's gone.
CaliGuy Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Are you saying that she can never be trusted again? I mean because of this she has to just go on not being trusted by anyone ever again? I mean I hear what your saying. just would like you to expand. I mean she can't prove herself to him and give him a reason not to internaly question her? What I am saying is once you are in a relationship with someone and they cheat on you, you will never be able to trust them again 100%. And I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I did not completely trust the person I was with. I don't want the burden and anxiety caused by infidelity. I'd rather start over with someone new.
bejshermanoaks Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 If you really love her and can forgive her, go for it. Pride is just your ego messing with you..Only you know if you can forgive/forget and trust her again. If you want to be with her, give it a go. I was cheated on and we had a go at it. We ultimately broke up again, but it had nothing to do with the cheating. I think time can heal any wound myself...
LuCidiTy Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 people make mistakes, and i believe everyone deserves at least that second chance. some people can, with perseverance and hard work, and, as you even mentioned, counselling (though i'm not a fan), get back to that level of trust, but it's not easy. if she's honest with both you and herself about why it happened, if you're willing to open yourself up to all the past pain and get past it and think you can honestly forgive and forget eventually and you're able to deal with the setbacks and issues (and there will be many along the way) and that possible stab in the heart again, i say go for it. but remember...if in a year you get angry over something and ever throw that back in her face again, that'll probably kill it for all time. it'll be that fragile for a very long time...like a tender rose that got caught in a late freeze, it can survive once some of the top layers of petals are pulled off.
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