nikisriv Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 My best friend is suffering a lot and I nedd some help from you guys for him. Here is a copy of post he made on another forum a few weeks ago: I have a girlfriend who I love a lot..a lot. We were a great couple, an example for our friends. That was until she went to college. God, I was so happy. Now that I had a person who loved me, I was more of a human. For three months, it was a wonderland. I was in such a joyful point of my life that everything else seemed to take a backseat. We talked the whole night. She was a great support in life. Paintings, poems flowed in. Everthing went awesome until this - "I have had many break ups before, one more break up with you won't make much difference to me" I even today am not able to re-construct the destruction caused by this line. The person without whom I couldn't survive said that. Then dropped in on her birthday - "This is the worst birthday of my life, all because of you" Only I can tell that those four hours we spent together that day are one of the most memorable days of my life. Two days later, we had our first sex. Between that line and our sex, it were my tears, nothing else. I was lucky I had my sister with me that time. My love didn't even spoke to me even on her councelling day. She had made it to NIFT. There was a time when she refused to give the NIFT paper without talking to me. But time waits for none. She did things that hurted me. I couldn't stop her because I never actually had courage enough to hear this again- "I can't be in a relationship with a person who thinks like that." Whenever I imagined her going away, I virtually died. That wasn't all here are things that prick me every night, each night go sleepless and I just can't sleep, but these things: 1.) I get hurt a lot when she adds random guys on social networking sites, then chats and then phone number exchanges. I don't know whether I am right or wrong, all I know is how I feel. These guys, like, call her with words like "doll, sweetie, babie"..also the social networking she uses is filled with random club-donkey-feeders...and recently, she has changed her relationship status on it to single and started adding more guys. I do not know what to do, all I know is that it hurts me. I have told her this 1000s of times, she just doesn't stop it. 2.) I have never had problems with her guy-friends. But I told her the first day she went to college that its okay to have guy friends but it will really hurt me if you get emotionally close to some particular guy. I really can't bear that. But as usual, she got close to one guy. Not that I suspect anything, but things like "he is like the other side of me", "i won't hear a word against him", "its would have been impossible for me to survive without him" really hurt bad. 3.) On 11th september on of her hostel mates texted me that she is cheating on me, I didn't take it seriously and on 13th she sent a mail to a guy who she used to chat before our relationship and about whom she told me that she now have no contact with him. The mail had her photo and subject " wid loadsssssssssssssssssssssss of luv".. 4.) We used to talk on phone late night, as the night calling was free most of the times our phones were on call even when we were working. And this is what I heard over just by chance, she talking to maybe one of her hostel mates: "So this guy called me and he made me so much excited, I told my roommate and she called and told him...he was in such a good mood today" I cried so much tha night, I really felt a broken heart. 5.) One of my friends who also works with networks like me showed me kinky chats of her with other guys. I really don't know what to do. Maybe the problem is me myself, I only couldn't keep her happy enough. But one thing is true, I really love her like retards. I am nearly suicidal. I even sacrificed my research fellowship, my top buddies because of her and once I asked not to talk to one of those random social network guys and she warned me that she'll break it up. Don't my tears matter anything to her? Please post your suggestions about this girl/situation/what he should do. Everyday I visit him, I see him dead a little more. he isn't going to last long for sure. He is on smoking and stuff, hardly talks to anybody, cries the whole day. please help me sorting this out.
SoStupid Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 On a SERIOUS note Get him out of the house asap... Get his mind working on other things.. he needs to reconnect so to say with his LIFE..
Author nikisriv Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 But how? He loves that girl like insane! Also, is she really worth his love? As to my observation, she is not worth of anything in this world. Where he posted this writeup, she posted "what's harm in that?"..i mean, if my boyfriend would have been in the situation my friend is, it would have been an end of the world situation for me. She doesn't bother at all. She is selfish, too selfish. How can anything be more important than the person you love. He crries and is so bloodt badly hurt when she adds new guys on that friggin social network. But no, she doesn't bother.
Tripper Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 But how? He loves that girl like insane! Also, is she really worth his love? As to my observation, she is not worth of anything in this world. Where he posted this writeup, she posted "what's harm in that?"..i mean, if my boyfriend would have been in the situation my friend is, it would have been an end of the world situation for me. She doesn't bother at all. She is selfish, too selfish. How can anything be more important than the person you love. He crries and is so bloodt badly hurt when she adds new guys on that friggin social network. But no, she doesn't bother. His relationship is a very unhealthy one. While he may love her dearly, she clearly doesn't reciprocate and furthermore continues to act inappropriately for someone in a relationship. My advice would be to dump her and move forward but since you've stated he's insanely in love with her this may not be possible until he's been hurt to the point of not wanting to hurt anymore. That is when his pain is greater than his love for her. She can only continue to use and abuse him in this way if he allows her to.
shanny Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I agree with Stupid... get him out and try and make him have some fun to realize that life doesn't end with his relationship. He should break all contact from her. She obviously doesn't care. Have him read some posts on here about how people do actually move on after love and the downfall of love. Remind him that although he is feeling great pain, people break up every day and are just fine. Try and introduce him to some girls. These are the only things you can do. If he is contemplating suicide, get him to a counseler asap. It sounds like he is in need of one anyway considering how his life is in a downward spiral. Also, make him stop checking on her on her social networks... all it does is make him more upset.
twice_shy Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Please post your suggestions about this girl/situation/what he should do. Its easy what he should do. He should dump her. There is no way he should have to put up with a cheating girlfriend. NOBODY should have to put up with that. He needs to dump her and move on. Or is he a glutton for punishment? He will never trust her again and his days will be filled with wondering if she is faithful to him. He just needs to dump her and move on to greener pastures.
twice_shy Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 But how? He loves that girl like insane!. Thats because he is a twitterpated fool. How anyone can love someone so much that would bed down with someone else is beyond me. Maybe you need to get it in his head that she is a cheating skank, then maybe he will start to see her in that light too. He needs to be angry, not feeling like a helpless lovesick puppy dog.
MimiMe Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 This guy thinks that by not having this person around he will "Virtually Die"? NAH. We dont die of Heart Break.... we lose the most important and irreplaceable things in life (children/parents) and we dont die. WE let it kill us. "Love this girl insane"- more like obsessed and dependent over this girl which it is insane. Better run now that they have no strings attached! "how can anything be more important than the person you love?"- Yes, there is one more important thing than the person you love. YOU, YOU, YOU!! Which believe it or not, the GF is practicing but in a immature and self-destructive way. From the get this person has no values or self-respect. Tell your friend to BOUNCE! Keep him out more often, keep him busy before he falls into massive depression... One day (hopefully in the near future) your friend will turn around and laugh at all of this and shake his head in disbelief. But it all starts from him knowing his worth. Many of us have been in worst or the same position, so to that I say... If I knew then what I know now!
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