J dub Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Welllll here I am back at ol' LS. Guys, need some help. I dated this sweet guy for a couple of months and kind of suspected he was still missing his ex gf whom had left him without explanation about 3 mos prior. But he insisted she was bad for him and toxic, and it was officially over. He pursued me something FIERCE...I mean seriously..but he was VERY good TO me..treated me maybe even the best EVER...brought me flowers to work and out to lunch, took me to places I've been wanting to go for years that others wouldnt bother with, went WAY out of his way numerous times for me...and after some really awesome dates, lovely times spent together, amazing conversations, etc - he tells me he loves me (it was too soon, I knew something wasnt right). And, as fast as he came along, he started acting funny one day, turned on his heel and dumped me with a really fantastic "sorry, I am not over my ex like I thought I was, you deserve better" text. A TEXT MESSAGE, PEOPLE. I dont care if our relationship conversating was primarily thru text. That is BS - especially because mere weeks before we'd discussed how someone did that to him and how ridiculous it was! Talk about arse. I deserve so much more than that and my level of anger is immeasurable. Anyway a week later (after I'd deleted every means of contact I had with him, rid of all his notes and gifts, anything that reminded me of him, tore out pages in my planner that had stuff for/about him, and scribbled out dates that pertained to him) I get yet another text message saying "pls read the email I just sent to you" and so, yeah. I read it. It's basically, -hes sorry for hurting me -the guilt is laying on him every single day -any guy would be lucky to have me let alone "hold your hand, stroke your hair, taste your kiss" (damn musicians and your way with words) -he never meant for things to turn out the way they did -he respects me immensely -he truly did feel those intense, deep emotions for me, it wasnt just words -he wishes he was honest about his feelings for his ex in the first place -he was "VERY attracted" to me for various reasons -wants to know if I can find it in my heart to forgive him. -knows that karma is going to get him for treating me poorly. Well, firstly - I'll forgive him on MY time, not so that he can feel better about what he did to me. Secondly - I have no idea. Part of me wants to completely disregard it because in my mind, as long as he is not saying "Man I screwed up and I want you back right NOW" than anything is really a moot point. But also, I feel strange not responding. Must be my etiquette burned in to my ways that's clouding that perception, but anyway...I want to scream bloody murder at him that I deserved at LEAST a phone call for the goodbye, how 5hitty of a person I feel he was and how disappointed I am that it came down to this crap. OH and? He and his ex and now "bff's" and advertise it proudly all over their profiles on a certain social networking site (I erased his bookmark and any ways of finding that page once I saw it. seriously, get a clue) I dont give a rats behind if they were friends prior to their short stint of a relationship. The point is, you cannot have a healthy friendship with an ex if one is still hoping for a second round. I hate this. I wake up every morning and think, G-d d.amn it, its really over...and you know the drill - feel like crap consistently for it. What ticks me off is how he said I was his "yin" to his "yang" and we blended seamlessly and had a really healthy relationship, had lots of potential, this and that. And how immature his ex was, how toxic the whole thing was, how bad for him she is, how all they do is mindfuc eachother, yadda yadda. NICE Anyway I need some sense - objective points of views - help??
Art_Critic Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) I'm guessing here.. but I'll bet he never stopped being in contact with the ex.. that is why he dumped you so fast over a text.. 10-1 his ex said something to stir up his emotions and he dumped you because he thought he was going to get back with her.. I say give it a few weeks of NC.. He doesn't deserve to speak with you after dumping you like that.. His email to you still basically says he isn't over his ex and you will play second fiddle to her.. Maybe after some time without you in his life he will come around.. Sorry he treated you like that.. What a dumpshiot... Don't respond to his email.. Let him go.. Edit:.. I'm guessing his BFF means he is getting back with his ex ?? or they are going to try again ?? Edited March 11, 2008 by Art_Critic
Author J dub Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Wow what a nice surprise to see you respond, I recall seeing you on these boards for a while and really respecting your approach and philosophy on relationships. So with that said.. >but I'll bet he never stopped being in contact with the ex.. that is why he dumped you so fast over a text.. Exactly. >10-1 his ex said something to stir up his emotions and he dumped you because he thought he was going to get back with her.. I think so too, AND I think she told him to get me out of his life if he wants a shot in hell with her because he flipped his coin SO FAST > He doesn't deserve to speak with you after dumping you like that.. I dont think so either >His email to you still basically says he isn't over his ex and you will play second fiddle to her.. Yep...my thoughts exactly. >I'm guessing his BFF means he is getting back with his ex ?? or they are going to try again ?? no, its their stupid high school way of saying they are "best friends forever." they were friends initially before being lovers. Just their stupid language, I remember him using the bff term about someone else. Its lame, I know. And go figure hes in his 30s.
CaliGuy Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I'd say AC is right on the money. J, why you end up with these losers I'll never understand. You deserve better. So many of us on this site do, yet we consistently get stuck with bad apples... Hope you're doing well all things considered. You've been missed!
Author J dub Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 I'd say AC is right on the money. J, why you end up with these losers I'll never understand. You deserve better. So many of us on this site do, yet we consistently get stuck with bad apples... Hope you're doing well all things considered. You've been missed! I have an internal "freak" magnet, is my guess Who knows, I have to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince unfortunately. Although at least each time I get a liiiiiiittle closer to my ideal I wont lie, I've been treated very well in hindsight...but theyre usually either short-lived or end badly for one reason or another. It could always be worse I missed you guys too!!!
SeraBella Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 BFF? Ha! I cannot stand when people say that. This girl used to call me her bff, and i thought she was joking (I didn't think we were good friends - and we were in our late 20s), I'd laugh everytime she said it. I don't even think it's still for 14 yr olds to say bff...WOW. Anyway. I understand how you want to respond, and you want to just scream at him and have the last word. I completely understand that. But I don't think he deserves a response at all. If you forgive him, then he's emotionally off the hook. If you act as if it doesn't matter, then he's also off the hook. If you yell at him, then you give him reason to justify his behavior...he could call you psycho, bitc, etc. and even put you down to other people..."Look what she said! Good thing I dumped her!" The best response is none at all. Leave him wondering if you read the email, or what you were thinking after reading it. Forgive him on your time, in your mind. He doesn't ever need to know.
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