Follow up: she doesn't know whether this break is permanent

March 11, 2008

So for those of you who read and responded to my last thread, I finally found out the truth. And only one of you mentioned it. I ignored you and I would have never believed it in a million years until it came out of her mouth. But I was naive. She's been cheating on me for the past 6 months with at least two guys. I've never felt this awful and empty in my life. The person I trusted more than anyone else in my life betrayed me in the worst way. And to top it all off, she's mead at me and refuses to talk to me. I guess that's her way of dealing with the guilt. She just puts all the blame on me and is horrible to me. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm physically sick to my stomach, and no one is there for me. No one wants to be there when I'm upset. The world is a cold and terrible place. I honestly don't think there's one person on this earth who is genuinely good natured and could ever really think about someone over him/herself.

March 11, 2008

So for those of you who read and responded to my last thread, I finally found out the truth. And only one of you mentioned it. I ignored you and I would have never believed it in a million years until it came out of her mouth. But I was naive. She's been cheating on me for the past 6 months with at least two guys. I've never felt this awful and empty in my life. The person I trusted more than anyone else in my life betrayed me in the worst way. And to top it all off, she's mead at me and refuses to talk to me. I guess that's her way of dealing with the guilt. She just puts all the blame on me and is horrible to me. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm physically sick to my stomach, and no one is there for me. No one wants to be there when I'm upset. The world is a cold and terrible place. I honestly don't think there's one person on this earth who is genuinely good natured and could ever really think about someone over him/herself.

Hang in there - that crappy stomach goes away in a couple weeks, but in the meantime, I suggest applesauce and saltines.

Hang out here - we care AND we been there!

March 11, 2008

Yeah, man, just hang in there. I know how it goes. My X wife cheated on me twice in a 6 month period. You feel like crap for a while but it will go away. Make sure you eat something though because you don't want to harm yourself. Even if it's something small. I never thought the hurt would go away but it does and eventually you will feel like your old self again. LS is full of great people here to help you and listen to whatever is on your mind.

March 11, 2008

Ditto what Dfreeman and Nightwolf_58 posted. My ex cheated on me and left me after being together for 10 years and it has been one of the most painful experiences I have ever had to endure. Slowly you will begin to heal. You will not always feel this bad. That sharp stomach churning pain will eventually go away. But it will take time as well as some soul-searching and self-reflection.

Keep posting here - we read, we listen and we CARE. Most of us have been where you are and it's the support and advice of our fellow LS-ers that keeps us moving forward and picks us up and dusts us off when we stumble and fall.

March 11, 2008

Thanks a lot for the support. You guys made me feel a lot better. I know it's going to take a while for me to heal. Right now I just feel like no one is trustworthy. I'm still so in love with her too. She's also texting me too now and being semi-friendly... I'm sure that's not a good thing because it will just make me feel worse in the long run. But it's impossible not to answer her and try to talk to her. She doesn't know if she wants to get back together and I know it's a bad idea. But most of me just wants to trust her again and give it another chance.

March 11, 2008

Glad to hear that you are feeling somewhat better.

The funny thing is that my ex also wants to remain friends - perhaps it somehow helps them deal with the guilt of cheating on and hurting the people who loved them unconditionally - my advice to you is to go NC. While I had no contact (which was a little over a month) with my ex I was making great progress but as soon as I spoke to/met up with him I felt just as crap as I did on the day he left me. There is a reason why most people on here advocate strict NC. I learnt the hard way!

You say that it's impossible not to answer her text messages or to talk to her -- I hear you. I also felt the same way.

Although I never initiated contact I could still not bring myself to ignore his emails, his text messages, his IMs, etc. If I am completely honest with myself the reason for that was because I was afraid of the what if? What if he gets fed up of contacting someone who never responds and decides never to get in touch ever again? What if he forgets me? What if he is truly sorry and wants to get back together? I would never know.

Yesteday, I saw my ex for the first time in six weeks and it really took the wind out of my sails. Seeing him move on so quickly left me feeling hurt, depressed and very lonely.

Now I know that the only way I can heal properly is to let my ex go completely. No phone calls, or text messages, or emails or dropping by for a chat. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. For the foreseeable future, this is the only way I can truly get over the pain of breaking up.

I hope we both find the strength to let our significant other go completely.

Good luck!

Edited March 11, 2008 by Issues & tissues

March 11, 2008

I felt a lot better last night, but today the same old feelings are back. I can't help thinking that she's hanging out with him and just not caring about me anymore. I hate this. And to make it a little worse, none of my friends will talk to me for no reason.

March 11, 2008

Thanks a lot for the support. You guys made me feel a lot better. I know it's going to take a while for me to heal. Right now I just feel like no one is trustworthy. I'm still so in love with her too. She's also texting me too now and being semi-friendly... I'm sure that's not a good thing because it will just make me feel worse in the long run. But it's impossible not to answer her and try to talk to her. She doesn't know if she wants to get back together and I know it's a bad idea. But most of me just wants to trust her again and give it another chance.

Dude,

the love of my life cheated on me...it killed(never felt that much pain...after 10 months I still feel it).

The best thing you can do for yourself is IGNORE her b/c if you don't...she will think it was alright to do what she did. That you were fine with it and she will feel less guilty for it.

By you ignoring her...she will have to focus on what she did to hurt you. If you respond to her...it takes the focus away from her actions...and if you get angry at her...she'll just somehow blame you.

But if you IGNORE her...there's no one to blame but herself

I wish someone told me this when I found out my ex cheated....it would have saved me from so much drama and pain.

March 12, 2008

Another update...

Last night she wanted to talk. I told her how much I disrespect her, how much I hate her, how I never want to talk to her ever again etc. And I felt a lot better. I didn't have the nervous/angry butterflies anymore. I was still depressed, but I felt better. I didn't want to cry anymore. She blocked my screen name, which is good because otherwise I'd want to IM her. I can't bring myself to delete her name... Which brings me to my current dilemma. She unblocked me this morning or late last night. She didn't text me all night so I assumed we were done talking. But now her name is back on my list. I don't get it. What is she gonna do? Try and apologize? Try to get me back? Try to be my friend? I can't stand this. I just want it to be over already. When we were talking yesterday before I got mad at her, she told me she just wanted to be left alone. She wanted to wait a while before talking to me again. I was still in denial and trying to apologize to her for anything that I did wrong, even though she was the one who cheated. But now I'm over that. But I still lover her. I still want to be with her. I hate her and love her.

March 12, 2008

Take it from someone who has been there for the past 4 months analyzing ever tiny thing and trying to find the positive. MOVE ON. Live your life. Let her go.

It doesn't matter anymore. The relationship will never be what it once was. This is a new beginning for you and you no longer should allow this to hold you back or hurt you. She cheated. It's over.

She may have blocked you and then unblocked you but why are you willing to go along this crazy, hurtful rollercoaster with her?

She doesn't know what she wants...let her go. If she comes back and you both want to work at it, great...but right now...the best thing for you is to remain in NC, and try and move on.

I know it's so much easier to give advice but put yourself in a friends shoes...imagine it was reversed...wouldn't you tell them the same thing?

Keep your head up.

March 12, 2008

Another update...

Last night she wanted to talk. I told her how much I disrespect her, how much I hate her, how I never want to talk to her ever again etc. And I felt a lot better. I didn't have the nervous/angry butterflies anymore. I was still depressed, but I felt better. I didn't want to cry anymore. She blocked my screen name, which is good because otherwise I'd want to IM her. I can't bring myself to delete her name... Which brings me to my current dilemma. She unblocked me this morning or late last night. She didn't text me all night so I assumed we were done talking. But now her name is back on my list. I don't get it. What is she gonna do? Try and apologize? Try to get me back? Try to be my friend? I can't stand this. I just want it to be over already. When we were talking yesterday before I got mad at her, she told me she just wanted to be left alone. She wanted to wait a while before talking to me again. I was still in denial and trying to apologize to her for anything that I did wrong, even though she was the one who cheated. But now I'm over that. But I still lover her. I still want to be with her. I hate her and love her.

She wants you to alleviate her guilt...if you stay in contact with her, she won't have to think about her actions.

Best thing you can do is block her...it will definitely send her the message that you will not take BS from her and she has to think about what she did. I suspect she will contact you and apologize later on...and that's when you can have a discussion if you choose to...otherwise you are letting her off the hook if you don't keep to your word(how I never want to talk to her ever again)

March 13, 2008

I talked to her. I knoowwwww I knowwww I know I'm an idiot. She really got my hopes up too. She told me that she missed me and that she wants to hang out with me. But I also found out that she's talking to new guys from the website she met the first guys on. Why is she doing this? I'm completely done with her now. Now I know I can never trust her. But I don't understand it. Why does she have to do this? I haven't told her yet, and I don't know how to. I already did the "angry, I hate you, don't ever talk to me" thing once, and then we talked after. If I do that again I'm gonna seem nuts.

March 13, 2008

1. She told me that she missed me and that she wants to hang out with me.

2. But I also found out that she's talking to new guys from the website she met the first guys on. Why is she doing this?

1. Why did she say it? Guilt for hurting you, obligation for hurting you, etc. She also wants to keep you on the hook so that she'll have a steady guy between boyfriends.

2. Why? Because she needs a back burner guy and cuddle buddy to use between dates with new guys.

Its ugly when you put it that way, but unfortunately that is what you are faced with. Your best bet? Cut her off completely. Delete her from your life in every form. I know that when you are sad and lonely it is all to easy to think "well, a little of something is better than a lot of nothing" - but think of that 'something' like cancer. Getting rid of a little cancer is painful, I know - the method and treatment of getting rid of it are horrible, but in the long run you'll have a longer, healthier and happier life when you are rid of it.

Don't let this girl be your cancer. Root her out, even if it feels like it will kill you in the process. It won't. You'll live, and you'll come out of it better than when you went in. It just takes time. Lots of time, and lots of rock solid no contact.

March 13, 2008

same stuff happened to me. me n my girly were going out for 2 years comming up on 3. the first 2 years were great not a lot of fighting gave her space when she needed it, gave her pretty much everything i could. neither of us are to old when i say that i mean im 20 and shes 18. she broke up with me the day after valentines after a great night and i cooked her breakfast. and to this day it is still crushing me, still cant eat cant sleep. we go to the same college with our classes right next to each other. i didnt talk to her for the frist 2 weeks then she found out i got a huge condo down ocean city. so she wantd to come and i told her that she could. of course all my friends backd out and it was me and her the whole weekend. it was great we acted like bf and gf the whole weekend it was crazy. we didnt fight the whole trip just us relaxin having fun with each other. we got back monday and went to the gym and everything was the same as the weekend. i didnt call her tuesday cause i wanted her to miss me because like most guys out there she was perfect blonde 5'7 130 pounds green eyes and smart as hell she was everything that any guy could ask for. so she left me a voice mail telling me that she missed talking to me that day and she thought something bad happened to me and if something did to call her and shed be there right away. so yesterday we went to lunch together where she told me that she loves me cares about me and she said she loves me. it is crazy because after this weekend and this week i am more confused now then i was a month ago. we are going out again tommarow night as well as going to lunch today. i have no idea whats going on anymore she has gone out with 4 guys 1 i saw her with and almost beat his ass. but found out that he started to go back out with his ex from the prior 4 years. the other 3 guys have lied to her said either they had no bf and the others just a piece of ass. so anybody have anything for me...

March 13, 2008

I'm completely done with her now.

Now I know I can never trust her.

I haven't told her yet, and I don't know how to.

Tell her what? It's over dude...there is no trust.

There is no point in talking to her anymore. If you are completely done then drop her from your life starting NOW. Just ignore her...if you do talk...all you gonna do is yell at each other and call each other names...essentially adding to the hurt that you feel.

Why would you do that to yourself? No contact means no new hurts.

You asking her why she would do that is not gonna help you at all. There is no valid reason. Cheating comes down to 2 primary things

1) Selfishness on the part of the cheater(she was too selfish to breakup with you before she cheated)

2) Weakness of character issues (she has no self control)

Those are the only true reasons for cheating in any scenario...all the rest are just excuses and justifications that will just make you more angry.

Walk away dude

March 13, 2008

Please for the love of men everywhere ~ NC that bitch and make the switch!!!

Don't even give her the satisfaction of a call/e-mail telling her about it...just block her from IM/Social websites and don't answer her calls (caller id if you don't have it). You may feel like you are kicking heroin for a week, but after that, it won't get much easier, but your stupid hands will have learned not to just jump at the first thought of her.

She's giving you the chump-hump and if you ever want her to respect you, it is time to put her on instant ignore!

I'm a nobody to you and I am certainly not above you (I couldn't eat, sleep or stop crying just 7 weeks ago), but when the hard-liners on here convinced me to grab sack and run, it was the best thing that I could have done.

Did it feel s#i++y - yep!

Does it still feel a bit s#i++y - yep!

Do I still miss the bi+(h - yep, but a lot less than b4!

Do I want her back now - Nope!

That train is gonna crash & burn man ~ you may end up with two broken legs, but it is time to jump!

March 13, 2008

1) Selfishness on the part of the cheater(she was too selfish to breakup with you before she cheated)

Yep, that's my ex all right... And I'll add lack of courage and decency to admit the truth.

Bostonstraightedge, you have absolutely NO reason whatsoever to contact her again. In your case, the only valid reason for contacting her would be purely for financial or material reasons, but in no way emotional.

I honestly don't think there's one person on this earth who is genuinely good natured and could ever really think about someone over him/herself.

Well, there's me... But I a guy, so too bad for you. No, seriously,just because she did this to you doesn't mean they're all like that! Lot's of great girls around who would never cheat, but they just don't wear a tag advertising it, that's the problem...

March 13, 2008

Yeah; Boston. Been there and I know it hurts bad. Read my story elsewhere if ya want to, but know that my GF cheated and ended a 4.5 year relationship with an email.

Let me tell ya; it's now been about 5 weeks. Still hits me hard some days; she's with the guy she cheated with and has been since right after the breakup. But you DO hit a point...lets call it the "WTF moment"...where all of a sudden the bright light comes on. Ya still miss her like crazy, and you mourn for the loss of who she used to be, but you realize that you really DON'T want the person she is now (and the person she showed you at the end of your relationship). Ya say to yourself "What the f@#$ do I want this person back for? So she can do it again a year or two down the road?? I did NOT deserve this and NOTHING I did was bad enough to cause her to do this!!"

That being said, it is still hard. And I still miss what she was. But it is getting better after my "WTF moment"

...and Belkin? I'm seriously thinking of starting that name tag idea for both guys and girls. Considering

Official Loveshack 'Good One'

I Don't Cheat

...and flanking it by bunnies. At least that's the plan.

March 13, 2008

...and Belkin? I'm seriously thinking of starting that name tag idea for both guys and girls. Considering

Official Loveshack 'Good One'
I Don't Cheat

...and flanking it by bunnies. At least that's the plan.

Well if you're serious about this you can make yourself a customized T-shirt Send me one if you ever do!

About the "WTF moment", I had more of a "I'm lucky she dumped me" moment. On Saturday, I received a negative response from the university in the US I was applying to. Had we still been together, I would have left it at that and stayed in the same campus next year to be with her. But as things turned out, I filed another application for a less selective university; if things go as planned I'll change campus next school year and I'll be studying in the US the year after, instead of staying on the campus where I am now! So definitely, I'm lucky she dumped me

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