sedona Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Ok, about a week ago, I finally called up my bf of 7 months and told him that it was over. I love him, but he likes me. He had gradually become more and more distant (fewer phone calls, no messages, no touching, no sex), even though it's obvious that he really enjoys being with me. He didn't know why he was pulling away from me. Anyway, this was too painful for me. (I've posted about this before.) I thought that when I told him that I wanted out of the relationship, he'd agree to it. He understands that this is hard on me. But he didn't. Instead, he suggested that we meet sometimes and do things together, and see if we can gradually become closer again. I asked what he thought about my dating other men while this was going on, but he doesn't want us to date other people until we figure things out between us. Ok by me. HOPE, again...so I grab it, saying that ok, but he has to show the initiative. I can't be the one calling him to suggest things. So he suggests a date to play squash on Tuesday evening. We play, and have a great time. After the match, his last words are that he'll be in touch. OK, I think... When? Because I'm not going to call you... Then I get a call on Friday, where he invites me to his home for a quick meal with him and his teenage son. I come, and stay a few hours. Again, fun. While I'm there, a friend of his shows up and asks us what we're planning on doing the next day. In the end, I'm invited to spend the day skiing. Again, fun. So Sunday turns out to be a lovely day, and I send a message to bf asking him to go skiing again. He calls me right up, saying he can't but wishes he could. I go skiing anyway, but invite myself over to his home for coffee after. Wind up staying for 4 hours, and we talk and laugh the whole time. When leaving, I give him a long hug (remember, we haven't touched each other for a few months), and I think he hugged back. Yes, pathetic that I'm trying to judge the strength of his hug! Now I don't expect to hear from him any time soon, but then again I was surprised when he didn't just say ok to the break-up and then again when he called me so soon again on Friday. Right now - after yesterday-- I feel like I've done enough and it's his turn again. I plan on NC and will wait to hear from him (it's my birthday on Friday- will he get in touch?), but this whole business has made me so sad and tired! But what's the deal? Is there hope that we can breathe life into this romance or is he just trying to ease me into friendship? A friendship which can't happen, because I could never ever be just friends with him. Any words of wisdom from anyone?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Why does your relationship remind me of a tug of war? You're not broken up, yet there's no spark in your relationship to fully keep the two of you together. So then why is it that both of you are trying to hold on to each other? It doesn't sound much like a relationship but more of a territorial spat, " I don't know how I truly feel about you, but I don't you to see or date other people". Really you have to make up your mind. This whole game that the two of you have (NC until he calls you back), is old. Stop playing hot and cold with the guy. If you truly feel you can't handle anymore of his behaviour have a talk with him. Because you can't sit around waiting for him to make up his mind whether he truly wants to be with you or not. If he can't make up his mind now, then it's unlikely he will anytime soon. Don't play games with him anymore. Initiate NC and start dating other people.
bejshermanoaks Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Be very clear with him and vulnerable about what it is you want from him. Say it loving and kind. "I want to spend more time with you, etc.." If he doesnt respond in the way you want, go NC but be open to him if he reaches out...I think the idea is to give it a last go with him --but only go NC after you have expressed your needs and he hasnt responded..
Author sedona Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Be very clear with him and vulnerable about what it is you want from him. Say it loving and kind. "I want to spend more time with you, etc.." If he doesnt respond in the way you want, go NC but be open to him if he reaches out...I think the idea is to give it a last go with him --but only go NC after you have expressed your needs and he hasnt responded.. Thank you. He knows what I want from him. I got a message from him on Friday - my birthday. Since then, nothing. I was away for the weekend, but he knew I'd come home yesterday. This is so very painful. I love him and he obviously doesn't need me. I can't stop crying.
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