Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 This can be solved easily, just give her 'the him or me' question. If she has a hard time choosing, then choose for her and throw her to the gutter and move on.
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 This can be solved easily, just give her 'the him or me' question. If she has a hard time choosing, then choose for her and throw her to the gutter and move on. *IF* she agrees to drop the ex - and starts back up seeing him again - OP needs to leave her FOR GOOD tho - I believe in second chances, I really do, and I don't think people can't change - but they wont until they see what they've lost or they just move on to another victim.
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I'm advocating him leaving her for good, I just feel he should know where he stands and by him asking her to choose between him or her ex, he'll know where he stands with her and if its not good enough for him, then he can simply move. This has been going for around 8-9 months, it's a bit ridiculous is it not?
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Frankly I wanted her to go back to him to see once and for all where it would go. I just sense she still has something for him and hes always around. i don't know why she can't be honest about that. that way she could jump feet first with me if it didn't pan out. I tried pushing her away in a civil way. it didn't work. now this, i don't know what the future holds.and 'm the bad guy now for the hurtful things i said. i truly believe if this relationship was going to have a future we need time apart to grow for a while and figure things out. I just didn't want it to be on these terms. i tried to make it healthy space. but she had to go and bring the worst out so SHE could handle it. Edited March 10, 2008 by themessenger
dreamergrl Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Frankly I wanted her to go back to him to see once and for all where it would go. I just sense she still has something for him and hes always around. i don't know why she can't be honest about that. that way she could jump feet first with me if it didn't pan out. I tried pushing her away in a civil way. it didn't work. now this, i don't know what the future holds.and 'm the bad guy now for the hurtful things i said. i truly believe if this relationship was going to have a future we need time apart to grow for a while and figure things out. I just didn't want it to be on these terms. i tried to make it healthy space. but she had to go and bring the worst out so SHE could handle it. Well if she's going to be like that, she doesn't deserve much out of you anyways. I'm advocating him leaving her for good, I just feel he should know where he stands and by him asking her to choose between him or her ex, he'll know where he stands with her and if its not good enough for him, then he can simply move. This has been going for around 8-9 months, it's a bit ridiculous is it not? Yeah, I'd say ridiculous is an understatement
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I wouldn't even bother, how long ago did she break up with this guy? I get the sense you are little more than a rebound. How many times do I have to slap some sense into you younger guys. A lot of women tell lies when it suits them and will distort history or blame- shift when they are caught out later. MEN !! Do not EVER compete for a woman.. NEVER , NEVER ..Why? Because that puts her up on a pedestal as a prize to be fought over by two chumps who inevitably degenerate into whiney needy sissies who want to "please " her into choosing one over the other. This situation gives her all the power and reduces the guys to orbiting squabbling jealous wimps. You are MEN.. act like it with pride and self respect. A woman's approval does not define your value - YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS DO. SEcondly any woman who relishes this situation is NOT fit for a relationship . Why? BEcause women like this want two doormats instead of ONE HERO boyfriend.. AussieJack's Rule #5 .. " Sane men never get in triangles".
Author themessenger Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) I like your style aussie i think shes afraid if she doesn't commit to one she will be left alone when the relationship is over. shes also 30 and in her sexual prime that could be a factor. but i'd like to hear more of your inspiring theorys. why do you think she needs all this attention? Edited March 11, 2008 by themessenger
Hoffle Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 AussieJack's Rule #5 .. " Sane men never get in triangles". I have just one question, I'm hardly sane, so does this mean I'll be caught in triangles, too?
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I have just one question, I'm hardly sane, so does this mean I'll be caught in triangles, too? Sane = smart = self respecting = strong+clear headed = self propelled ...and so on. 1. Do not EVER form an attachment with a woman who is still connected to "the live remains of her previous disaster".. 2. Do not ever get into a triangular arrangement with another guy in which you are a rival for a woman's affection. You are a man and men have good women in their libves as a SUPPLEMENT to their existing life. I will say that in another way - you are the CEO of your life and you should then recruit people to join your "company" as you see fit and as YOUR requirements dictate. The women in your life are there for a purpose - to enhance your life. You are not on this planet to enhance theirs even though they will inevitable gain great satisfaction and rewards from the relationship.
Hoffle Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Oh that kinda sane, I get you, and that would never happen to me, I'm stronger than that - I wouldn't put up with that kinda crap from no one. I'd give her the boot and find someone else who isn't like that.
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I like your style aussie i think shes afraid if she doesn't commit to one she will be left alone when the relationship is over. shes also 30 and in her sexual prime that could be a factor. but i'd like to hear more of your inspiring theorys. why do you think she needs all this attention? Do not ever assume that you can "read" her motivations. Women will tell you the nuts and bolts of their thoughts via their BEHAVIOR. Their words are not reliable UNLESS their words are congruent with their actions. Remember one of my rules about women (cant reacall which one - maybe #3) "The greater truth is in their behavior " Write that on your fridge.. Now -your question about her 'attention seeking' A LOT of women have an 'external locus of control' That is psych jargon for " She looks outside herself to find worth and value " Why do you think women go to so much trouble with their appearance? BEcause they bask in the reflected compliments .. Anyways, a lot of women seek high levels of acceptance and approval from the opinions of others. SO, if she has a man who adores her and gives he a LOT of attention then she feels loved and validated . IF she has TWO guys doing that, she is in girl heaven . Simple isn't it ?.
Hoffle Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Are you Dr Love in disgiuse? You should write books - you could be as famous as Harold Bishop from Neighbours.
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Oh that kinda sane, I get you, and that would never happen to me, I'm stronger than that - I wouldn't put up with that kinda crap from no one. I'd give her the boot and find someone else who isn't like that. You are OK ,Hoffle .You are now an honorary Aussie !
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Are you Dr Love in disgiuse? You should write books - you could be as famous as Harold Bishop from Neighbours. Who is Doc LOve? If he agrees with me then he is cool. You a Pom?
Hoffle Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Who is Doc LOve? If he agrees with me then he is cool. You a Pom? I don't know some poster on here told me to read his stuff, I haven't found anything worth reading yet. I'm am indeed a POM, but I'm not any old POM - I'm a whinging POM.
Author themessenger Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Actually I love and adore her, he just kind of hangs out and is indiffernt, i don't know maby he does like her, not as much as me, how can i copmete with him? they have a longer history and mutual friends.
AussieJack Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Actually I love and adore her, he just kind of hangs out and is indiffernt, i don't know maby he does like her, not as much as me, how can i copmete with him? they have a longer history and mutual friends. You are hopeless dude. I told you NEVER compete for a woman . THis female is still infatuated with the bad Boy ex and his indifference is fuelling her dersire. You are being used as an emotional tampon. You are her best male girlfriend. Grab yourself by the nads and haul you a$$ outta there TODAY !!
Author themessenger Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 i don't understand i gave her an easy out, she didnt want it. she came to me when he used her. why would she go back to him? how can i ever speak to her or respect her again? unbelievable aussie i can't believe this
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Dude, stop talking to her. Dump her. Don't talk to her, don't answer the phone, don't pass go, don't think about her. Any women who behaves in this manner is not worthy of a real man's time, period.
AussieJack Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 i don't understand i gave her an easy out, she didnt want it. she came to me when he used her. why would she go back to him? how can i ever speak to her or respect her again? unbelievable aussie i can't believe this WE are giving you QUALTY advice dude and you are not listening. Women like this are NOT fit to be in a relationship of any kind. Read all the advice above again (discard the limp wrist stuff) Do you hear a consistency of thought . A consensus? Well ?
eDave Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) Should you care? Should you care?! Here's an idea. Go out and meet a normal woman. Doesn't matter. Hot/not. Fat/thin. Then lie to her. Watch how fast she tosses you. Start with a lie, live with a lie. For you it's fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, I am the walking definition of insanity and my own insecurities and I wind up on Loveshack embarrasing myself and making a fool of myself. Sorry dude but we have tried everything with you. You need to look inward now. And ummm. Dude? Again.... BPD. Mine was so unhappy. So unhappy. I broke up with her multiple times. I pushed her away multiple times. Why? To go find happiness elsewhere if it wasn't with me. I gave here an easy out. She didn't take it. Why? Use me, use me, use me. Actually, we got back together once and she asked me if I thought she was needy. I know for FACT that she asked that because she was told that by someone she went out with in between us. Yours is using you, using you, using you. You said in another post that the site had pretty extreme cases. Well everything more I read of yours, it is an extreme case too. You are in denial, fear of letting go, fear of "losing" to the other guy (that is your ego by the way. Stow it). Trust me. She is the loser here. Not just losing you, she will lose him. She will lose every man she pulls this **** on. I know your cycle. When you are in you want out, when you are out you want in. She knows this, hence the push, pull, push, pull way she treats you. And quite honestly, I hear a quick loss of respect for you from everyone here with each post. Soon your threads will end up on page 2 and you will try to revive them by posting to yourself or creating a new on, which you have done. Dude, you have me pissed now and I am really on your side here. DO NOT DO WHAT I DID! You are messing with the devil here. Edited March 12, 2008 by eDave
dreamergrl Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 i don't understand i gave her an easy out, she didnt want it. she came to me when he used her. why would she go back to him? how can i ever speak to her or respect her again? unbelievable aussie i can't believe this You didn't give her an easy out though, you gave her control over the situation. She's bad news - just move on.
Author themessenger Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 So i Should have just been a man and left when i thought i should. ok guys enough. i know it may sem like i'm not listening i'm just being 100% sure i'm doing the right thing by saying the heck with iit.
Author themessenger Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 So i Should have just been a man and left when i thought i should. ok guys enough. i know it may sem like i'm not listening i'm just being 100% sure i'm doing the right thing by saying the heck with iit. i'm done.
AussieJack Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 So i Should have just been a man and left when i thought i should. ok guys enough. i know it may sem like i'm not listening i'm just being 100% sure i'm doing the right thing by saying the heck with iit. * A woman is on this planet to ENHANCE a man's life, not the other way around. . You wiil find that the ones who do that are rare. Be selective and knowledgeable about what YOU want in a woman. * NEVER try to FIX a women's life for her . That is her job. Never play therapist, priest or savior. * Never take over the management of a woman's PROBLEMS for her hoping that she will see how great of a guy you are. Women have almost ZERO gratitude.. it is a very weak emotion. BY all means do nice, thoughtful things for a woman you care about, BUT do them AFTER she has proved herself . Do them as a REWARD not as an ENTICEMENT.. Ya get this ?
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