themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 When I'm dating somebody and its within the first few months and i know she is lieing to me about what she is doing when i'm not around. should i care? is it not disrespectful or insulting to me? isn't this a preview of things to come if we fell in love?
rosebud6712 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 ummm if she is dishonest, then that is her true character, so why would you want to continue on with this, if she has already proven herself in that way to you, and you already are 2nd guessing? there's plenty of good females out there, and you deserve honesty, we all do!
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 its so hard to determine sometimes. shes always around this ex of hers (they have the same friends) and shes gone back to him in the past. i have a friend who sleeps with this girl while he's at college and she goes back to her boyfriend at home. my friend knows it but he doesn't care. he figures if he gave her crap about it it would make her feel uncomfortable. maybe hes right. for some reason i just can't approach it that way. anywyas just wondering what other people feel on this. like why bother telling me something if its not the truth. i you want to see other people fine. why be dishonest about it?
rosebud6712 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 cuz people are cowards when it comes to telling the truth bout certain situations....honesty is the best policy, but people try to protect others and lie thinking that will be better then the truth, when in turn it is worse......
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 mind boggling i thought when i got to 30 things ewould be simpler
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 She doesn't have an obligation to tell every single thing she does in a day, that's just ridiculous, everyone has right to a private life - even from their SO. However, if you suspect she is acting highly percuilar and seems different, because of this ex, then confront her about it. There's no point wasting your time with 'what if's' and the chances are she is going back to him for something more than a cup of tea and a cosey chat.
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 everyone does have a right to a private life. but if i say what are you up to today? and she says shoping with a girlfriend when its realy movies with the ex am i intruding? should i just take what she says with a grain of salt and not even think of it?
JamesM Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 If she lies to you, then you have not commitment or trust between the two of you. If you can accept the lies, then stay. If you are uncomfortable with someone who cannot respect you and show you complete honesty, then you must move on. Life will not get any easier.
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 everyone does have a right to a private life. but if i say what are you up to today? and she says shoping with a girlfriend when its realy movies with the ex am i intruding? should i just take what she says with a grain of salt and not even think of it? If she is lying to you about seeing her ex than I'd ditch her in an instant, because if nothing is going on why would she lie? I originally thought you wanted to know every movement she made and every word she uttered throughout the day. As JamesM has said, if you can take her lying, then go for it, but I've got a strange feeling she is seeing him behind your back. If I was you, I'd confront her and if she is still lying, or can't be completely honest, I wouldn't waste your time, energy and emotions.
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I'm afraid I'm caught in one of those what does he have that i don't state of minds
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I wouldn't even bother, how long ago did she break up with this guy? I get the sense you are little more than a rebound.
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Is this the same girl that you're referring to from your other 2 threads?
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 we have been off and on since the summer. and a cycle seems to be developing where if shes not with me shes with him. hes six years younger then her takes her for granted and just wants to have fun. Me and her are the same age 30 and we have serious talks which she says is draining. i feel like she comes to me for comfort and an ego boost and goes back to him because i am in the nice guy roll and she can't feel attraction for me that she does for him. Is that messed up or what?
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I'd get out whilst you can if what you say is true, you'll only wind up in misery when it's all said and done. It's probably going to be hard, but the whole situation sounds like one big mess and a large mess you can do without. I'm pretty sure you can find someone else out there, who will treat you better than how she is treating you. I'd go NC with her for the time being until she can decide what she wants and who she wants.
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 If this is the same girl as the other 2 threads - I'd just move on. Sounds like there's several problems rising in the relationship that seem to be on your mind quite a bit.
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I hear you i've given her easy outs before to go figure things oout and she would just start crying and ask me not to leave. and now its come to this.
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I gave my ex lots of easy outs many times, and he just abused it. I had to put my foot down finally and say enough is enough. Some people just don't learn or are too selfish to be in a relationship
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Thats so amazing and i tell her she is selfish and she swears up and down she isn't
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 My ex managed to land himself in jail and had the never to ask me why I wouldn't bail him out - after we split. People like that will continue to think that the world owes them something just because they are who they are. They don't realize relationships are a two way street. It was hard for me too at the time, but I feel so much better now. Plus, I've been lucky to have met a new guy who treats me wonderfully. Grant it, we've only been out about 8 times or so, I can easily see that he understands how to treat the other person in a relationship.
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Thats so amazing and i tell her she is selfish and she swears up and down she isn't Of course she would say that, it's her she's talking about. I just feel you should lay down the law, tell her that you what's going on your head and try and solve the situation. If that fails, then I'd walk, you'll be simply wasting your time. Edited March 10, 2008 by Hoffle
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 so much easier said then done. we've had been through this before. the second time around things got better. guess i just have to have faith and focus on myself again.
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Things always "get better" for a while, but most of the time it's just temporary. You shouldn't have to have the same talk over and over again.
Hoffle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 so much easier said then done. we've had been through this before. the second time around things got better. guess i just have to have faith and focus on myself again. You have to be strong, after a while it does get easier, who knows maybe you'll meet someone new who catches your eye. Things always "get better" for a while, but most of the time it's just temporary. You shouldn't have to have the same talk over and over again. I agree, but he needs to deliver an ultimatium, it's either got to him, or her ex and then he should just get on with his life whilst she makes her decision. It depends if he is honest and strong enough to carry it through.
Author themessenger Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 wouldn't quite be the same talk. the issues are more complex now. i'm partly to blame i have a tendency to yell instead of talk. but she doesn't like to talk. so catch 22. she doesn't have to talk with this guy he's a baby. yet he'll blow her off again. i told her a couple times to go do what shes gotta do and she would cry. it took us to get to this for her to do that. its almost like she puposly brought the worst out of me to have a clear consience
dreamergrl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 You have to be strong, after a while it does get easier, who knows maybe you'll meet someone new who catches your eye. I agree, but he needs to deliver an ultimatium, it's either got to him, or her ex and then he should just get on with his life whilst she makes her decision. It depends if he is honest and strong enough to carry it through. I would agree with that if this were the first time they've been "off" - but he's already given her other chances. What's the point in doing it over and over again? I do believe people can change or fix their errors, but if it is repeated, sometimes they don't learn until they lose out. She isn't learning because in her mind she thinks she'll always get another chance.
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