THEBIGARC Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I am at work and I am feel like I am losing my mind. I want to get over my ex, but I have to remain living with her until her sell our house. I don't want to lose my family. I want me son to be with me everyday. I don't want another to take my place. All of this is my selfish thoughts. She is in love with someone else. She is so unhappy being married to me. What can I do to get out of this funk? Last time I got divorced 8 yrs ago, it was very hard, but I just left with no ties.. no kids..no house. Now I am stuck and I have to live in this life while I gieve over my 2nd failed marriage. Maybe I should just go live with friends or family, but that makes me so made. I will paying all this money for mortage and have no home. I want to really hurt this OM, but I know it is my W and my fault we are going through this. She should have never married me when she was still in love with him. He is getting a divorce and now she wants to be with him now that he is free. I am start to really hate my son's mother. I am going to IC Thursday. I should have went today. Well, I am just going to go pick up my son from school and soak up all his love. That is the only happiness I get these days.
Confused9 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I can only tell you that I wish you great strength during this extremely trying time. I am on month 4 and it's been a very hard, hurtful process.
Nomad1 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 The Bigarc - There is nothing you can do my friend. It is nothing to do with the OM. It is your STBXW who chose him. Let them get on with it. Don't blame yourself because you have not done anything to deserve this. She would have done it regardless of whether it was you or someone else who was married to her. There are people who are simply like that. Keep your dignity and focus your mind on the sale of the house and on your son. You will find happiness and one day you will thank her for doing what she did. First be happy being who you are. A cliche but it works. You will then meet someone else and this time choose well. Just endure the hurt and pain. It will eventually go. Remember you are a good man. If you think you are not then work on being a good man. Start by showing your son that you love him. Take care the BigArc. Please leave them to it. Be strong, confident and determined to change your situation for the best. She seems to be driven by lust. It does not last forever. She will come back down to earth. I hope you will tell her to f off when she does. Nomad1
Author THEBIGARC Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 You have the most insite into what I am going through. I am going to see my MC on Thursday by myself. I am trying to be strong. I told her Sunday that this her choice, but I am no longer going to give her affection, huggs, take her out to dinner. No more sleeping in the same bed. Nothing except civil talk about the house and our son. She cried and tried to hugg me and said she was confused, but I turned her away. The memories of 6 yrs are clouding my mind. There was plenty of life before her, I am 36, and I know there will plenty after. This is just the worst part of it right now. I am hoping the arrangement to live in the new house until it is settled does not delay my grieving and getting over period. Just knowing she will be talking to the OM and be so happy eats me up. I have to suffer alone. She still hasn't told her parents which kills me because I love them and hate lying in front of them. I think the best thing to come out of this is a closer relationship with my boy. He is eating up all this extra attention he is getting from me. He is only 4 y/o, but I get a sense he knows I am hurting. He has seen me cry for the 1st itme in his life these last few weeks. He comes up to me and tells me how much he loves me. It crushes me to think of him having a step dad. With my 1st divorce I was young and there were no kids. It was hard, but this is 10 x worse. I know I will make it through it. I think having him gives me strength too. I know he needs me. My dad wasn't the best, but I love him more than any man to this day. Well, thanks again. You help me more than you know. I sometimes feel bad posting all this stuff, but it just feels good to get it out.
sumdude Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I sometimes feel bad posting all this stuff, but it just feels good to get it out. No need to feel bad about it, let it out. Take it from me, it helps. I had one marathon thread going during my divorce, had a lot to get out.
smileysmile Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Birgcac I am in the same boat but now in our own houses nearly 7 mths on. As yet she hasn't filed for D. I think because she wants to hold onto spouse travel pass as it helps mon ey wise since she now is a single mum. My D is 15 mths and I hate the thought of her having a step dad. I will never be able to stomach that I can assure you. It is tearing me apart that thought and people to say you will always be her biological dad does't make any difference to me. He will have more contact and be there when she wakes up and goes to sleep. However the STBXW hasn't got a permanent fella yet so that gives me time to decorate my house and her room so I can have her here to stay. I cry even now and have terrible crying pains. My story is here some place but I feel for you. This was also my 2nd M but no kids with in my 1st. TAKE CARE.
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