I feel like an idiot

[Velocity2gs]

It starts with my Resident Adviser in the dorms. I never really hung out with her until the new Spring semester. She tells me and my suitemate that her boyfriend broke up with her and she going to spend more time being with her residents. We end up being really good friends. We have an hour talk about once every other night about our lives and life in general.

 

One day she decides she wants to drink with us just to have a good time. We all have a few shots and party the night away. Her and my roommate start talking and get pretty close. I think nothing of it and dismiss it as harmless since my roommate knew I liked her.

 

I decide to go home in the morning for the weekend (I don't live that far away from campus, maybe 30 minutes) and I am awoken by a text from her asking if she could talk to me. I head back to the dorms, go to her room where she tells me she slept with my roommate. I was in shock because my roommate knew I liked her and I thought she liked me (she was sending me texts saying things like I 'I missed you last night. Cant wait until we talk again'). I tell her that she made a mistake since my roommate has a girlfriend. She tells me she really regrets it and that it wont happen again. Well it does. She finds out shes getting fired for drinking with her residents. So she decides to go out with a bang and have another party which results in her hooking up with my roommate again. This time I was there to witness it, but I left as they started because I was too upset.

 

In the morning we have a talk and she tells me she slept with him. I tell her I can't stand to be around her because it hurts too much and its hard for me to even look at her in the same way. I called her weak, and a few other things that were pretty harsh. It was a defense mechanism to make myself feel better by pushing her away. She breaks down and says that its not fair because she didn't know I liked her and if she did she wouldn't have done any of this. I forgive her and tell her that we should just go out tonight and have a good time and try and put this behind us.

 

We go to dinner as a group and she is really upset about the things I said earlier and it makes for an awkward evening for our group of 10 people. We get back to the dorms and she ends up breaking down and leaving the room. My friend goes to console her and she ends up kissing him. He pulls away and comes to tell me what just happened. I sit down with her to ask her what the hell is going on and she tells me that what I said earlier hurt her so much that the only way she knew how to deal with it was to get over me by making out with my friend.

 

She completely breaks down and tells me how much she just wants to be with me, how much of a great person I am and how much she cherishes me (she even said she loved me, though it could have been the alcohol talking). Long story short, I forgive her and we start dating. She ends up moving to a house with some friends because she has to move out the dorms because she got fired. I end up spending the night at her house every night for 2 weeks straight. We slept in the same bed, never had sex (since we both agreed that we should take our relationship slow in order to make it meaningful). We hadn't had a real 'makeout session' (we french kissed or whatever, but not for long) and she asks me why that was. I think about it and say it probably has something to do with you sleeping with my roommate and making out with my friend. She says we should give it a shot or something like that and I kiss her and it was kind of awkward given the conversation we just had.

 

Well two days ago she broke up with me and she told me it was because she 'just got out of a relationship' and her best friend told her she should be alone for a while and because of that kiss thing. I end up trying to salvage the relationship because I opened up so much to her and I feel like it ended fairly abruptly but she insists its over.

 

We were only officially together a month but I feel like I invested so much into being with her, and then she turns around and dumps me. Its really hurting and Im wondering how I go about this. She says she still wants to be friends but I dont know if I should or could do it. She also says there is a chance we could be together when she is ready, but this sort of seems like she is just stringing me along. I really dont know how to process all of this. Her 21st birthday is coming up soon and I thought she might have dumped me so she could be free from a boyfriend during that time. Or I think she may call me up to come to her party, and Im wondering if she calls me in general if I should try and work things out, ignore her, or just be friends.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[D-Lish]

You won't want to hear this... but this girl is really messed up and not worth investing your time in. I can tell you that she is playing all of you.

 

I would think it must be difficult to have respect for a girl who has slept with your friend, made out with your other friend, while leading you on throughout the entire thing.

 

As hard as it is to do- I'd ignore her completely.

This is the kind of girl that comes into you life, twists your heart around her finger and then messes you up for future relationships.

 

She's trouble.... big trouble.

Ditch her, please.

[Velocity2gs]

I should add that the day after she broke up with me, I sent her a text message saying I wanted to talk to her in person (to get closure I suppose). She responded that she couldn't because she was decorating her room. I said 'okay, well then call me when you get the free time so we can talk'. She responds that she is pretty busy and doesnt know when she will be able to call me

 

Well, a night later, I end up going bowling with some friends and getting drunk. I call her on the way back from the alley and she doesn't answer her phone (first time I ever got her voicemail since I met her), so I leave her a message saying that I want some of my things back and she can give them to her friend to give to me if she doesnt want to see me. I get back to the dorms about 10 minutes later, head back to my friend's room (the one she kissed that night), and talk to him. Hes drunk. I tell him the story of us breaking up and he says that he thinks its BS and I should call her. So he gives me his phone to call, and I do, and she answers.

 

She said that she was doing something at the time I called on my phone and couldn't answer. I said I wanted to talk and she wanted to wait until the weekend was over to talk about it because she had a camp thing she had to go to for an organization she is apart of (I know this is true, she had been talking about it for a while) and just wanted to have a good time. I insist we should talk and we do. It basically was her insisting the only reason she broke up with me was because of her friend (and she said the kiss thing bothered her too, but wasnt the main reason), and me saying that I didn't believe her. She started to get mad and so did I, but it didn't end too badly. The call got dropped at some point and she called me back to tell me that she didn't want me to think that she just hung up on me so I wouldn't be mad. That was the last time I had contact with her which was on Thursday.

 

Im doing NC until she contacts me, and I don't really know what I want to do if she actually contacts me. Part of me wants to have a conversation about us, and the other part of me knows that it might not be best to do that.

[malaclypse]

You let her treat you like crap and she did. And now you're actually surprised?

 

'No sex because we want the relationship to be meaningful', after she slept with your flatmate a few times out of boredom? Don't you have any respect for yourself?

 

You really have to stop letting people walk all over you...

 

I don't want to be mean, but it seems to me you need a wake-up call.

[Velocity2gs]

You have to trust me when I say I dont let people walk all over me. I think she just got the better of me. The more I think about it, the more I can come to grips with the fact that she probably wasn't right for me, but I still have an attachment.