Reasons why we haven't gotten over him/her

[French_Toast3]

This weekend has been one of "those" weekends. The kind where all you've done was mope around the house, venting about your sorrows to anyone who will listen, and eating a bigger plate of cake than anyone probably should in one sitting.

 

Personally, it has been seven months since I have last contacted my ex, and it has been heck. For the first three months I was fantastic. I didn't think of him, didn't miss him, didn't even contact him. Now? Since I found out that he still stalks my web pages (I vented about it in a previous post) I cannot seem to stop thinking about him.

 

So. I made a list.

 

Reasons why I haven't gotten over him:

 

1. He hasn't quite left me alone himself.

2. I still read our logs.

3. I sometimes still e-stalk him when I'm bored too.

4. I try to communicate with him via posting blogs.

5. I'm visiting his state this summer, and I've promised him in the past, no matter what happens, I'll visit him. (Okay, this is probably a dumb idea, but I honestly am convinced that when I see him in person, we'll forgive each other.)

6. I dream about us still.

7. I try to make thinks okay between us.

8. I feel like I should still be apart of his life.

9. I miss our friendship. (I don't want to have a relationship, I just want a friendship.)

10. Not a day goes by when I don't dream of things I could have changed.

11. I've matured in so many more ways, and I want him to see it.

12. He made me actually believe in myself.

13. He was more than my everything, and it took until now to realize it.

14. I just want answers.

15. He made me want to wake up in the mornings.

16. Since I was fine before, there has got to be a reason why I'm now missing him.

17. I was such a jerk to him, yet he stayed by my side.

18. I want that closure feeling that he never gave me.

19. I want him to forgive me.

20. I don't want to be on bad terms with someone I've known for more than half of my life.

21. He knows so much about me, and I know so much about him and his life that we always knew how to comfort each other.

 

Mainly, the point of the list is to realize what you need to improve on to get over your ex. Clearly, my problem is I spend waaaay to much on the computer. (It doesn't help that we are both members of the same forums, met each other online through a game that we both still play.) However, due to computers being a main part of my life, I can't just give them up. But, I can gain some self-control to try and stop myself for logging onto those forums, or playing those games, and realize that there's also a life to live past these four walls of mine.

 

I hope this will help some of you to realize what exactly you need to improve on, feel free to try it.

[Belkin]

Hmmm. Only one reason for me: I see and hear her with her new bf everyday! No way to change that, I can just wait it out. 4 months to go, 4.

[soapbox]

well, I don't see why you can't be friends with him again, assuming he's game. My dad's girlfriend is best friends with her ex who she dated for 8 years. I might wait a full year before trying, though, make sure you're totally out of that get-back-together funk, EVEN if it's only your subconscious that feels that way. If you both want to make a friendship work, then I think it's very tangible. If it feels like you're forcing him into then...I'd wait a while longer until he shows the same desire.

[CaliGuy]

The only reason why we have a hard time getting over our ex's is simply because we refuse to let go.

 

Letting go is the ONLY thing that holds one back from healing. Here are some ways you can recognize you aren't letting go.

 

1. You hold out hope for reconciliation.

2. You still have their phone number on your cell and saved their old emails.

3. You still have pictures, mementos or other reminders of them around.

4. They are still on your IM list.

5. You still visit their MySpace, Facebook or other web site.

6. You keep their friends or family members as your friends just to fish for information about them.

7. You're not implementing and sticking to no contact.

8. You constantly replay what you did, over and over, that might have destroyed the relationship.

 

These are just 8 quick ones that come to mind, mainly because I had been guilty of them at one time or another. The simple fact of moving on and letting go is you must accept that it's over. What's done is done and can not be changed. You can never go back to the way things were before.

 

Can you drive your car safely while staring in the rear view mirror? I doubt it, but that's how you are living your life if you refuse to let go of the past. Simply put, if you hold on to the past you will have no present or future. You will be a slave to the past and give up whatever happiness lies in the future for you, including Mr or Ms Right, by refusing to let go.

 

There's an old Def Leppard song (and yes I am dating myself) that goes along the lines...

 

Let it Rock

Let it Roll

LET IT GO.....

 

You can neither rock nor roll -- unless you let it go.

 

Cheers.

[Kelso]

One more thing that might help. You visit LS too much. Don't get me wrong. I found immense help at this website, but about 7-8 months after the breakup, I decided to take a break from LS and it helped me even more.

 

By visiting too often and reading every post - you might be reliving your breakup. By doing that you are forced to think about the breakup every day so it won't go away.

 

If this is the case, I suggest you take a break and come back in about 3-4 months. If you don't wanna do that (which I completely understand), I suggest you read more optimistic forums, such as the Dating section or something.

 

That's just my five cents.

[sandflea]

One more thing that might help. You visit LS too much. Don't get me wrong. I found immense help at this website, but about 7-8 months after the breakup, I decided to take a break from LS and it helped me even more.

 

By visiting too often and reading every post - you might be reliving your breakup. By doing that you are forced to think about the breakup every day so it won't go away.

 

If this is the case, I suggest you take a break and come back in about 3-4 months. If you don't wanna do that (which I completely understand), I suggest you read more optimistic forums, such as the Dating section or something.

 

That's just my five cents.

 

Actually, this is true as well. I frequented another site (divorcesource.com) after my break up and, while I met some wonderful, kind and very gracious people, after a time I realized that I was "picking at the old wound". I decided to stop posting - it was a new years resolution at the time - and I felt better.

 

But - at that time I was already in a much better emotional place. I'd moved on, I was dating again, and I was (gulp) "happy" .

 

I found this site after my most recent break up - and, again, I met some very fine folks. Having said that - I'm now in a better place, and I don't come here as often.

 

LS is a great place to regroup and seek comfort. It's also a great place to try to encourage others in their time of great need. It has its place - and it's always nice to check back in. By the time you're getting sick of LS, you're probably already well on your way to recovery.

 

Peace - and remember - Looking back is looking down.

 

SF