canadian_jeff Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Hello, I just joined this site seeking some information. I have now been single for close to a year. I was with the same girl for 5 years, 19-24. I wont get into the details of the breakup, but we will just leave it as "she did a number on me" So, with that being said, I dont seem to be able to attract or even talk to girls. Was there something I missed in those 5 year? I am smart, good looking, have a good job, friendly...... what is it that I am missing? When I do talk to a girl in a social setting, I feel akward and uncomfortable, and we always get to the point of dead silence, at that point Im sure she is thinking "well have an nice life pal". Im a master in the boardroom but an idiot in the coffee shop I guess. So, its been a year, will I get better at this or should I just start picking out names for the 15 cats Im gonna have in a few year?
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I wont get into the details of the breakup, but we will just leave it as "she did a number on me" I think maybe you have to go into details for a little more understanding of your situation.
Kamille Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 three years ago I think I could have written pretty much your post. Things do change. I think what worked for me is that I took some of the pressure to impress off my shoulders by deciding that I wasn't going to look for a soulmate, I was just going to go out and enjoy meeting new people.
Author canadian_jeff Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I think maybe you have to go into details for a little more understanding of your situation. Fair enough. She told me for 5 years ( and I believed) we were going to spend the rest of our lifes together. I trusted her and believed that. Things only got better during the relationship, communication, love making, the desire to be with each other as much as possible. Just prior to the breakup I was promoted to a position which required me to relocate. She was going to stay in Vancouver and finish off her masters degree for three months and then move out to "our" new place once she was done her thesis. I travelled back every weekend to spend just 5 mins with her if I could. In early March my best friends girlfriend of 5 years had left him, he was extremely depressed and I was concerned about him, so I decided at that time it was best for us to go to Vegas for a weekend to get his mind off her. I arranged for my girl to pick me up at the airport the weekend we were going. When I got there and got in her car she told me she was breaking up with me as she was sleeping with a person from her study group. I did not see this coming, for 5 years. I was told and believed we were going to be together, then in the blink of an eye it was gone....
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 That's a bad place to be and I'm sorry she did this to you. It takes a lot of time to heal. It's hard to put yourself out there again. Do you still have feelings for your exGF? What about the Vegas friend? How's he doing?
Author canadian_jeff Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 That's a bad place to be and I'm sorry she did this to you. It takes a lot of time to heal. It's hard to put yourself out there again. Do you still have feelings for your exGF? What about the Vegas friend? How's he doing? No, no feeling for her at all. The minute she told me that, everything including feelings went away. The Vegas friend is doing just great, he has a new girl and is very happy with her !
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Hang in there. When people hurt us we sometimes don't want to go through it again. So we avoid it. You could be sending out "stay away from me" vibes without even realizing it. Girls pick up on that. I think it's really important to remember she cheated as soon as you guys went different ways. It really didn't take her very long to forget about you. It doesn't sound like it was as solid as you thought it was. And neither was she.
D-Lish Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I think that sometimes even though we don't realize it, we wear our heart on our sleeve. If you feel a little bit uncomfortable or nervous, that will come across in a conversation with someone.... I agree that you just have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. A year isn't very long to be single after 5 years of being with someone.
Author canadian_jeff Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 I think that sometimes even though we don't realize it, we wear our heart on our sleeve. If you feel a little bit uncomfortable or nervous, that will come across in a conversation with someone.... I agree that you just have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. A year isn't very long to be single after 5 years of being with someone. Thanks D, this makes sense
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