Nightwolf_58 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I had been seeing a girl for the last month and a half. She is truly everything I think I could have ever dreamed for. Smart, cute, good job, and a great family life. I really thought we hit it off well. We would talk/txt almost everyday, and I thought things were progressing great and I was going to ask her last weekend for us to be exclusive. All of a sudden though, she tells me that something doesn't feel right and she can't explain it. It's either because she didn't feel a strong enough connection with me, or because she is really overwelmed with all the stresses in her life. Her dad is going to be having surgery soon, and she needs to take the time right now to concentrate on her family. She said it was never her intention to bail right now, and it's just bad timing at the moment. So I really have no idea if I will ever hear from her again? I truly thought in my heart that this was going somewhere, plus add in this is my first try at a new relationship since my divorce, it really hurts. Should I just break off all contact and see if she contacts me again in maybe a month or two? Or should I give it some time and then maybe contact her and see what's going on? I really felt a strong connection with her, and I think she did also, but is just too busy right now. What should I do?
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Yeah, I would totally keep it broken off. She probably didn't want any added pressure or obligations, and your suggestion of exclusiveness probably sent her over the edge. Give her time, move on to new women, but maybe drop her a line in a month just to see how she is doing. Watch the obituaries on her dad, seriously.
Author Nightwolf_58 Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Well I never actually got around to saying anything to her about going exclusive. We had just talked about how much we liked each other and enjoyed each others company. I feel like I should do something, but know I should wait and while and hope she may contact me first. Ohhh, it's going to be hard. :-)
D-Lish Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 It's always hard to accept it when you like someone and they don't reciprocate in the same way. I agree with the above posters that it's probably best to let it go for now. She simply may not be in the best place to pursue anything with anyone right now... that happens sometimes. Yes, I'd give it a month and drop her a quick "how are you doing" e-mail. Dating after divorce is a strange new world. I have been there- am still there after 4 years and I don't always get it. There ahve been some guys I have genuinely liked, but had to cut it off because my head wasn't in the right place. It just happens sometimes. Keep your options open, try dating others. It's best not to put all your eggs in one basket at this point.
Author Nightwolf_58 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 So, when a girl breaks it off because her head insn't into it right now or if she has to take time for her family, does that mean she has totally written you off, or if it were you, would you make contact later when things have settled down?
D-Lish Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I don't think that is anything that anyone but she can answer unfortunately. You don't know if she was just letting you down easy, or she really is feeling overwhelmed. People won't always be direct about not being interested, I know I commonly use the excuse that I am "just not in the right place for a relationship" when what I really mean is that I am just not interested. I don't like the idea of hurting someone's feelings. Just don't put all your hope and energy into just her.... regardless of whether she isn't interested in pursuing things, or just overwhelmed~ she isn't available RIGHT NOW.... The last thing you want to do is wait around to see what happens, it's best to treat this as if it's not going anywhere and move on to the next. If she contacts you down the road- great. If not, you aren't wasting time waiting.
soapbox Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 give her a break...she's going through a lot right now and needs her family close...it's sometimes stressful, and always takes a LOT of time and energy to get to know someone new, especially if they're someone you might consider spending a lot of time in your life with. Let her sort things out, be patient and kind, and she just might thank you in the end for being so understanding!
Author Nightwolf_58 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 I fully do plan on giving her some time. I've never done this before, I've always pressed and pressed in the past, and of course it never worked, so I will take a different approach this time because I feel she is worth waiting for a little while anyway. Hopefully a different approach will give different results. I guess maybe in a month or so I may drop a quick e-mail and just ask how she's doing and see what kind of response I get. I still feel like she connected with me, but just has too much going on at the moment to put the time into a relationship. I will wait patiently... :-)
City_girl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Don't wait, move on. You could find the right girl tomorrow. I wouldn't wait for someone who just cut me out. I know it's hard to see it like that but it's true. A friend would never cut someone out of their lives no matter what wa s going on with the father. Sounds like she's letting you down gently. Personally I wouldn;t blindly hope cause if you see her in a few weeks with another guy it will kill you.
aln186 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Give her time and yeah, live life in the meantime. No sense in sitting around wondering if she's going to call. People deal with things differently and that's always important to understand. When my mother was going through surgery I didn't want to talk to anyone... didn't really want to be around anyone. Other people in the same situation might surround themselves with family and loved ones. I actually think that's more "typical" but we're all different and just because she said she needs a "time out", doesn't mean she's not interested in picking things up once the storm blows by. I wouldn't read much more into it than that. Good luck.
malaclypse Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Don't wait, move on. You could find the right girl tomorrow. I wouldn't wait for someone who just cut me out. I know it's hard to see it like that but it's true. A friend would never cut someone out of their lives no matter what wa s going on with the father. Sounds like she's letting you down gently. This is my impression too.
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