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Posted

My boyfriend of two and a half years tells me he is going on a motorcycle trip in the summer for two weeks.

 

He tells me it will take a few days to get there, they are going to camp at this national park for a few and they will also be going to the Sturgis Bike rally for a few.

 

i feel its fine to go riding and camping somewhere but a bike rally is a dirty environment.

 

The pictures i have seen have made me speechless and disgusted..Girls are dancing on top of the bars wearing basically nothing or these leather outfits, they walk around the whole time wearing close to nothing, i saw pictures of topless girls doing body shots. I read they hold a topless contest for girls every night and sometimes the bottom part too. Girls flash for no reason at all.

 

I know riding is apart of this rally but i feel like you can ride anywhere and camp out. I dont think he will do something wrong but he is putting himself in this type of dirty and skanky environment and it makes me sick to my stomach. I dont like it. Everytime i see those pictures it reinforces how i feel about it.

 

He tells me i worry too much and how does the dirty environment have to do with him? I said you are the one CHOOSING to put yourself in this environment and this is what will be around you and the married men or men in relationships who go to this without their S/O did not grow up yet.

 

I really don't know what to do. Is this honestly a respectable thing to take part in when you are in a relationship or married? Am i overreacting--is this something i should say well it will be for a week and its once a year?

 

Looking at those pictures made me cry half the day and i don't know if this is something that should be let go of.

 

 

Please write back if I am overreacting and taking it too far.

Posted

sungrl,i think you are waaay over reacting!!! been to sturgis a couple of x's.i've went with my wife and w/o. you'll get girls flashing at any beach,so that's no big deal. there will be close to 500 thousand people there,and alot of people bring their kids.you're letting your imagition get the best of you. he will just spent alot of tome drinking and riding(hopefully not at the same time)

Posted

I agree completely with Mark. Unless of course he takes to many clean shirts with him you know what that means.

  • Author
Posted

mark,

 

people bring their kids--are these kids seeing these types of topless contests?

 

did you go to the bars at night and see the types of things i have seen on the internet and videos of?

 

just curious. Thanks.

Posted

yes i went to the bars at night. nothing i didn't see at the local bars.yes people take their kids, there are family type camp grounds there.just cause they ride does not mean they don't love their kids. you are worried about what you see on the internet or in a magizine?come on,i know for a fact that alot is staged.why not join your bf?it's all about the ride,seeing the sites(badlands is beautiful),and relaxing(otherwise known as drinking beer)

  • Author
Posted

He told me NO..that he would only be there for a few days it wouldnt pay for me to fly down and fly back

 

mark--but arent there other campgrounds that arent so friendly and innocent?

 

i saw videos too and all they show at the bars are girls using a pole to dance and pretty much acting like wh*ores.

 

I feel like this is a dirty environment..i'm not justified in feeling that way about atmosphere there? I know riding is apart of it..but this is apart of it too and its a big part.

Posted

sungrl, i'm not sure why bf is against you flying down! my wife flew in her first time(i believe it was rapid city), she stayed 4 days. yea there is one bad camp ground it's the buffalo chip.i wouldn't stay there,only as the facilities are not as clean as i like them.it's a pretty much party till you fall over kinda place. and you're worried about pole dancing,that's not a good reason,you telling me you never been in those kinda places? all those girls want to do is make $$$,they are not after your bf.if you're still unsure,tell him your going. simple as that. i can tell you this though,you will have 1 heck of a good time.

Posted

You are over reacting. Period. The pics you saw were from a single venue, most likely the Buffalo Chip (which is located much farther away from town). I am a biker who is a teacher and has a master's degree. I also fabricate and build motorcycles. I enjoy rallies because I get to see other guy's bikes and the work that they have done. We talk about bikes, that's it. Second, it really is about the riding. There are some amazing rides in the Black Hills, and being on the road with your friends is an awesome experience. Sometimes, rallies are the only time I get to see friends that I've made from past rallies. It's a chance to ride, share stories, and catch up. If he is all about the bikes and the riding, then what's the big deal? You'll get the same mix of people at a large concert. Just be glad you're with a guy that actually has a taste for life and creating great stories.

Posted

Have you told him it upsets you?

 

If yes, then why does he want to go? What good can come from that kind of environment?

 

I vote bad idea.

Posted

Didn't he go to this last year, too? What happened then?

Posted

i am a girl and i ride motorcycles and I would LOOOOVVEEE to go to sturgis.

 

except i have a sportbike, i'd probably get punched out without a harley.

 

maybe you are a tiny bit overreacting. I can see how it would seem like a big redneck, vegas-type thing. yeah, it does seem crude. I don't know what to tell you. What do you think about going along with him????

Posted

Why don't you trust him?

 

Put it this way - if he's going to cheat on you, he doesn't need to go to this kind of place to do it. It might be more easy there, and might be more freely available, but ultimately - either you trust him, or you don't. By stressing out about it, you are pretty much saying you don't trust him - which might push him away.

 

If you don't trust him - ask yourself why - is there something more fundemental wrong with your relationship than just his choice to go to this thing?

  • Author
Posted

but im not saying i think he will do anything..i dont think he will.

 

but the environment he is going to is like a spring break environment and its too obscene and crude..and in my eyes its inappropriate..im not going out with him for only 6 months..this is a few years..how can you choose to put yourself in a place like that..yes im sure riding is involved..but the other aspect is there too.

Posted (edited)

So - you are assuming he'll make the most of 'all' elements? If you trust him, why don't you assume he's just going for the riding and comraderie?

 

My ex went to a strip club for a mutual friend's (female) birthday. I didn't mind (much ;) ) - as he didn't do anything (I was invited, but out the country, so couldn't go - probably wouldn't if I had been able to). And - at the time - he said it was a waste of time, as he couldn't get me out of his head.

Sometimes exposure to other females isn't a threat. It can reinforce the good things about you.

Sometimes - it IS a threat. But... then it's not the going to the place it's the problem. That's just a symptom.

 

Why don't you just say - once you've left it long enough so you don't sound like you're harping on the subject - Sorry if I sound a bit insecure - but I do believe that certain aspects of these events have scantily clad females etc. I wouldn't really be comfortable if you went to those - so if possible could you just stick to the biking, and avoid anything that appears to be like that, it would help me and I'd really appreciate it.

 

If he has a problem with that - then there may indeed be a problem.

 

 

Note: But seriously - if you don't think he'll do anything, what are you worried about? What do you think will happen?

Edited by Prosecco
  • Author
Posted

Prosecco,

 

i like your advice--but it seems these scantily clad women are all around--what is he going to do--run away if he sees one or if people at a bar starting getting rowdy and acting in this manner get up and leave in the heat of watching all of it?

 

i think if you are going to this thing--there isnt a real way to avoid this stuff unless you lock yourself in your room the entire time. Its part of what goes on.

 

and like i said..i feel going to this thing is just inappropriate without your s/o.

Posted
..im not going out with him for only 6 months..this is a few years..

 

Did he go last year? How did that work out?

  • Author
Posted

hi Nora,

 

How are you?

 

 

It was two years ago that he went..apart of me thought I had no say in voicing my opinion..its only been a year..and it turns out some wives or girlfriends flew down to meet them..my b/f claims he did not know this was going to happen..but in my eyes--if you wanted me there you would have suggested it..and you didnt just start riding a bike..you must have knew this happens where wives/girlfriends fly down while the guys drive up. You just didn't want me there.

 

and now he is pushing for an even longer trip..2 weeks..i dont mind the riding and the camping but being at the rally in this type of environment bothers me.

 

I asked why cant i meet you? and he said how can you meet me, we will be driving from place to place etc etc..but it turns out he told me sturgis is the last stop they are going to make...so if thats the case--couldnt i show up at the rally a day early and just settle in--hang out at the hotel etc etc. and wait for them to arrive..and fly back after the 2-3 days.

 

I feel this is a good compromise b/c he would still have over a week to be without me.

Posted
hi Nora,

 

How are you?

 

 

It was two years ago that he went..apart of me thought I had no say in voicing my opinion..its only been a year..and it turns out some wives or girlfriends flew down to meet them..my b/f claims he did not know this was going to happen..but in my eyes--if you wanted me there you would have suggested it..and you didnt just start riding a bike..you must have knew this happens where wives/girlfriends fly down while the guys drive up. You just didn't want me there.

 

and now he is pushing for an even longer trip..2 weeks..i dont mind the riding and the camping but being at the rally in this type of environment bothers me.

 

I asked why cant i meet you? and he said how can you meet me, we will be driving from place to place etc etc..but it turns out he told me sturgis is the last stop they are going to make...so if thats the case--couldnt i show up at the rally a day early and just settle in--hang out at the hotel etc etc. and wait for them to arrive..and fly back after the 2-3 days.

 

I feel this is a good compromise b/c he would still have over a week to be without me.

 

IMO it's not a compromise becuase all YOU want out of it is the opportunity to babysit.

 

Do you think he's going to cheat on you? Do you think he cheated on you the last time?

 

Personally I don't see the big deal, even if there ARE topless chicks all over the place. For him (like for most guys) it's likely about riding and bonding with men. I can understand that. If you came to babysit not only would it tell him you didn't trust him (I am sure he can see right through your "compromise") but it would also detract from the male bonding.

 

If you trust him, give him space.

  • Author
Posted

i dont see it as that though..if you are going to have over a week with just them..and have me there 2-3 days..im not stopping you from anything.

 

How is that appropriate to go into an environment where women at bars are doing body shots off of one another topless or dress in barely nothing dancing on bars..where they have topless contests as well?

 

is it a threat that he will cheat..no but there are no guarantees in life

 

is it an appropriate thing to do after years of dating or marriage?

 

i actually don't understand how women can accept this and just look the other way..

 

i wish i had more insight on it rather than just "trust him"..b/c wouldnt just the idea of your significant other CHOOSING to be at a place like that make you uncomfortable in the slightest bit?

  • Author
Posted

i just read you cannot bring kids to this event unless you sign a waiver. It says this is an adult more party and more than likely they will be exposed to nudity.

 

This just seems like a spring break to my wrapped with bikes and leather around it.

Posted
IMO it's not a compromise becuase all YOU want out of it is the opportunity to babysit.

 

Do you think he's going to cheat on you? Do you think he cheated on you the last time?

 

Personally I don't see the big deal, even if there ARE topless chicks all over the place. For him (like for most guys) it's likely about riding and bonding with men. I can understand that. If you came to babysit not only would it tell him you didn't trust him (I am sure he can see right through your "compromise") but it would also detract from the male bonding.

 

If you trust him, give him space.

 

 

Agreed!

 

I think this is a lot more about your insecurities then what he will be up to. If he is going to cheat on you then he will cheat, there is not too much you can do about that. But being a babysitter is really not a compromise.

Posted
but im not saying i think he will do anything..i dont think he will.

 

but the environment he is going to is like a spring break environment and its too obscene and crude..and in my eyes its inappropriate..im not going out with him for only 6 months..this is a few years..how can you choose to put yourself in a place like that..yes im sure riding is involved..but the other aspect is there too.

 

You're contradicting yourself there. You say you trust him not to do anything other than riding, camping and generally male bonding. Seeing by the answers of other members questions, it also seems like he hasn't cheated on you in the past so he deserves that bit of respect and trust.

 

The only problem that you have with this is not necessarily HIM but the surroundings he'll place himself into. If you do honestly trust him and just don't like the fact that he is in that setting, then it's perfectly understandable although some might say unfair. What leads many to think that it's YOUR own insecurity or you're just saying you trust him [when deep down you really don't] is the fact that you're so eager to go along. Even if you're there, wouldn't he be in the same settings? What difference will it make if you're there? Most importantly, why do you really want to go there when you find it so disgusting? It's obvious you're only eager to go to spy on him. Sort out your own insecurities.

Posted

how to you sign a wavier?? i mean that's a strange answer. you are going to a town, a very small town what do you think they have police at city limits and make you sign papers!!

Posted

I don't believe you when you say you trust him. It sounds like that is your quick cover reply whenever you are arguing with him about these things.

"I DO trust you but,....."

I'm not buying it and I'm guessing he probably doesn't either. Its hard to believe those words out of you when almost every thread you post is about how something or some place he goes to is an indication that he is cheating or about how you think he is lying to you. If you are always thinking he is cheating and lying why do you stay? It can't be a pleasant way to live. Maybe that is why he doesn't wish you to come along; he wants to have fun for two weeks and doesn't want to deal with accusations ruining it?

  • Author
Posted

I see this as more about respect for the other..after a few years of dating you shouldn't put yourself in an environment like that that consists of wild partying all night and nudity.

 

It just seems unfair to the other person..my family has even said it can be seen as unacceptable to go to a place like that after so many years in a relationship. Its not really an appropriate place.

 

I asked my boyfriend--would you want me going on a spring break without you? and he said truthfully no i wouldnt..he said it would bother me.

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